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I live in a small mining town in the mountains of Colorado. Someone is building a massive casino nearby, Pictures Included
I grew up in a small mountain town named Eureka. It was founded in the late 1800s during the gold rush, but after the mines dried up the town began its slow descent into decay. Half the houses are empty or abandoned now. You can see a picture of the kind of houses here in Eureka: First house Second house When a massive construction project began nearby, it was the talk of the town for weeks. Why would they build something in a sleepy dying town like Eureka? It wasn’t until my sister Selene talked to a few construction workers that we discovered they were building a casino. A casino up in the mountains, over two hours away from Denver. None of us could understand why they’d chosen here of all places. After a few months of work, the casino was done. I took a picture of the town with the completed casino in the background to the right. The ten-story-structure sticks out like a sore thumb off in the distance. Town+Casino After the casino opened, they hired a few dozen members of the town, offering high paying jobs to work as dealers or cleaning staff. I was already employed as a firefighter, but my sister Selene got a job as a blackjack dealer. She’s a widow with two young kids, so the paycheck was a real lifesaver. Still, something about the situation seemed too good to be true. The jobs over there paid far too well, and the management was far too accommodating. The fire station where I work is located high on a hill overlooking the town, so I began watching the casino from a distance each day. I had initially thought that the casino was located in a terrible location, but I was apparently wrong. True, Eureka was hours from any major city, but despite that, a bus full of people arrived every morning and left every evening. One night I was over at my parent’s house and had dinner with Selene and her kids. I asked her about her experience as a dealer. “It’s Ok,” she said. “Just a little boring I guess.” “Boring?” I asked. “I’m surprised you don’t have your hands full.” “Why’s that?” she asked. “It’s like you said, Eureka’s too small. I never have people playing cards. The casino is almost always completely empty.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that. If the place was always empty, what happened to the people who I’d seen arriving on buses? “I’ve been keeping an eye on the building,” I said. “A bus full of people typically arrives around 9 AM every day.” “Really?” she asked, looking confused. “If that’s true, I’ve never seen them. “I can see it from the fire station,” I said. “If you head out for a smoke break at 9 AM, you’ll probably see them arriving.” “Interesting,” she said. “I’ll do that. If they’re being processed for their organs or something, I’ll let you know.” She laughed. “Har har,” I said sarcastically. The next night she sent me a text calling me over. When I arrived, she was nearly breathless with excitement. “Orin, You were right,” she said. “A big group of people did arrive, but they didn’t walk into my part of the casino. Instead, they all walked into an elevator at the back of the building. I’m not sure where that goes.” She looked thoughtful. “It was weird. They looked… How can I say it? Desperate? Something about the whole situation was very off. I’m gonna check out the elevator tomorrow.” I told her to be careful, though, to be honest, I was excited to hear about what she discovered. When I visited my parent’s house the next night, I found her two kids there alone. They told me that Selene had never returned from work. I called all her friends, then all our neighbors, but no one had seen her since she left for work that morning. Our conversations regarding the casino flooded my mind, then a plan began to form. Early the next morning I walked across town in my nicest pair of jeans and a button-up shirt. I pushed through the door to the casino and saw that Selene wasn’t lying. The place was all but deserted. Three dozen slot machines crowded the walls surrounding a few tables interspersed throughout the floor of the casino. The only players in the whole building were Bob and Donald, two locals. I walked up to a nearby table where Bridget, a girl I’d gone to high school with, was shuffling cards. She broke into a grin when she saw me. “Hey Orin, you here for a few rounds of blackjack?” “I wish,” I said. “No, I’m here to ask about Selene. She never made it home last night.” Bridget’s expression darkened. “Really? Have you asked around?” “I already called around. Have you seen her?” She shook her head. “No, our schedules rarely line up. I’ll be sure to let you know if I--” Her eyes focused on something behind me, and she cut herself off. I turned around to see the casino’s pit boss watching us both. He was a tall thin man in an impeccably clean black suit. When I turned back towards Bridget, she was looking down at the table and shuffling cards absent-mindedly. “Well, if you hear anything, let me know,” I said. She nodded, so I turned around and headed for the pit boss. I stuck out my hand. The temperature of his hand was so hot that I had to pull my hand away after a few seconds. “Have… have you seen my sister Selene?” I asked. “She hasn’t been seen since her shift here yesterday.” He smiled. “Sir, this floor is for players. You’re more than welcome to head to the tellers for chips, but barring that I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.” I stared at him for a long second before stalking towards the door. When I looked back, he was talking with Bridget. I checked my watch. 8:55 AM, just as I’d planned. I walked around the back of the building and waited as the morning bus pulled around the building. I waited for the telltale hiss of the opening doors and the sound of people descending before I rounded the corner and joined the crowd. None of them paid any particular attention to me as I walked with them into the casino. The crowd walked through a side door down a hallway to an elevator. Small groups of people entered the elevator as the rest of us waited for our turn. I shot a glance at the casino patrons, surprised at their diversity. There seemed to be people from all different countries and ethnicities. I heard one speaking Japanese and another speaking what sounded like an African language. My turn came along with a few other patrons in the elevator. A sickly woman hobbled into the elevator beside me carrying an IV that was still connected to one of her veins. We piled in and rode up to the top. The elevator rose for a few long seconds. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but I steeled myself for something horrible. The elevator’s speaker let out a TING, then the doors opened. We all walked out onto what looked like a standard casino. Another few dozen slot machines ringed the walls, but on this floor, they were almost all occupied by customers. I took in the scene, confused at why they’d have a ground floor that was almost completely empty when this place was almost-- Selene was dealing cards at a nearby table. I jogged over and sat down at an open seat. None of the players around me paid me much attention. “Selene!” I said. “Are you OK? Did you spend the night here last night?” Her eyes were glassy and confused. She looked up at me with a dumb expression and didn’t respond to my question. “Selene?” I asked. “What’s your bet?” she asked me. “This table is for blackjack players only.” “I…” I trailed off, looking at the players around me. None of them were betting with chips of any kind. “What’s the minimum bet?” I asked. “Three years,” she responded. “Three years then,” I said, not knowing what that referred to. Selene nodded, then began dealing cards. I shot a look down at my hand. King and a 9. Selene dealt out cards for herself, showing a 9. I stood, then leaned forward again. “Should I call the police? Are you--” “Congratulations,” she said tonelessly. An almost impossibly warm hand grabbed my shoulder. I spun to see the pit boss I’d spoken to earlier. He gave an impressed smile. “Orin, was it? I’m impressed, truly. Would you mind if I had a word with you?” I shot a look back at Selene who was dealing the next round of cards. Then I got to my feet, balling my hands into fists. “What did you do to her?” The pit boss clasped his hands behind his back. “Nothing more, and nothing less than what I’m going to do to you. That is, offer you the chance to play.” “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” The pit boss nodded his head towards a nearby slot machine. A woman in a wheelchair pulled a lever and watched the flashing numbers spin. They exploded in a cacophony of sirens and flashing lights. “WINNER WINNER WINNER!” The machine screeched. The woman in the wheelchair put her feet on the ground and stood up on a pair of wobbly legs that had clearly never been used before. “As in any other casino,” the pit boss said, “you must wager for the chance to win.” “She... won the use of her legs?” I asked, feeling light-headed. “Wait,” I said. “I played blackjack just now. ‘Three years,’ Selene told me. What does ‘three years’ mean?” I asked. “Three years of life, of course. Did you win?” My mouth felt dry. “I-- Yes, I won.” He smiled warmly. “Congratulations. I hope you enjoy them. I can tell you from personal experience that watching the decades pass is a bore. Give it some time and you’ll be back to spend them.” I watched the pit boss’s face. He couldn’t have been more than a few years older than me, and I was in my early thirties. I looked around at the casino. No one was playing with chips of any kind. “So what?” I asked. “I won years of life. That woman won the use of her legs. What else can a person win here?” “Oh, almost anything. They can win almost anything you can imagine.” A cold feeling settled in my stomach. “And what do they wager?” His eyes flashed with greed. “Almost anything. They can wager almost anything you can possibly imagine. Anything equal in value to the item they want in return.” He nodded towards a nearby roulette table. A man stood by the table, cradling his hands. “Another finger,” he called out. He only had three fingers remaining on his left hand. As I watched, the ball came to a stop, and another finger disappeared from his left hand. The pit boss extended his hands. “Feel free to try any of our games. Bet and win whatever you’d like.” He reached out and snatched my hand. A feeling of intense warmth passed up my arm to my chest. “There,” he said. “I’ve even given you some house money to get you started. An extra decade of life, on me.” I ripped my hand away, staring at him in horror. Then I looked back at Selene. Something clicked in my mind. “You offered her the chance to play. What did she want?” I asked. “Her husband,” the pit boss said. “Quite the sad story. He died two years ago. She wanted him brought back to her.” “What did she wager?” I asked. “She wanted the chance to win a soul, the most valuable object in existence. I’m sure you can imagine what she needed to wager for the chance to win it. What she wagered is unimportant. The important question is: What do you want, Orin?” I stared at Selene with a flat expression. “I’m sure you can imagine.” His eyes flashed with greed again. “How wonderful. The casino could always make use of another dealer. Feel free to make your wager at any one of our games; I’ll be eagerly awaiting the results of your night. Oh, and do take advantage of our waitresses. We always supply food and drink for ‘high rollers’.” He walked away. I spent the next few hours trying to decide which game to play. I was going to be wagering my soul, so I wanted the highest chance possible. Slots and roulette were out. I’d done some reading online about counting cards, so I figured that blackjack gave me the best odds. I walked up to Selene’s table and sat down. “Bet?” she asked with that same toneless voice. “Three years,” I said. I spent the next hour or so doing my best to remember how to count cards. I knew that low cards added one to my count and high cards decreased it by one, but the casino used three decks. I had read something about how that was supposed to change my calculation, but I couldn’t quite remember how. Every time I won a hand, I cursed myself for not putting everything on the line. Every time I lost, I breathed a prayer of thanks that I’d waited. And all the while, I kept track of the count. I had lost fifteen years of life when the count finally reached +5. “Bet?” Selene asked. “I wager my soul so you can be free,” I said. The table around me fell silent. Selene’s eyes flickered, but she showed no other emotion as she dealt the cards. I watched my first card, punching the air in excitement when I saw a Jack. My excitement turned to ash when my second card was a four. Fourteen. I looked at her hand. One card was facedown, but the faceup card was a King. I swore loudly, staring down at my hands. “Hit?” she asked. The entire table was silently watching me. “Hit,” I said, not looking down. The table erupted in cheers. I looked down to see a 7 atop my two other cards. 21. Blackjack. I looked at Selene who flipped over her facedown card to reveal a 9. 19. I won. The glassy look left her eyes immediately. She looked around in surprise, then her eyes locked on mine. “Orin?” she asked, then almost immediately began to cry. The entire casino broke out in cheers. I grabbed her hand and headed for the elevator. The doors had begun to close when the pit boss reached out with a hand to stop them. “Congratulations,” he said, beaming. He seemed to be honestly excited. “Shouldn’t you be upset?” I asked. “Not at all. Casinos love it when we have big winners. It inspires the other players to make larger bets. I imagine I’ll gain two or three dealers before the night is through from your performance.” “Great,” I said flatly. “Now let us go.” “Not yet,” he said. “You didn’t just win, Orin. You got a blackjack. And blackjack pays out 1.5 times your bet. You won your sister’s soul and more.” I stared, not sure what to say. “What are you saying? I won half a soul extra?” The pit boss grinned wildly. “Just remember what I said. You’ll find living for decades and decades to be a boring experience. After a few centuries, you’ll be back to gamble that half a soul away. Congratulations!” He removed his hand, and the elevator doors slammed shut. I helped Selene back to her house. Her children were relieved. I watched them cry, then moved into the kitchen to start making dinner. It’s been a few days since that experience. The casino is still out there, and buses full of people still arrive. I… I cut my hand pretty bad a few days later. When I checked it an hour later, it had already healed, no scar or anything. I’m not sure exactly what I won at that casino, but there’s no way I’m ever going back. X
Working Wise or Wizardly Working: how magic items affect the world
Magic items. Objects imbued with magic in order to make them better, or even gain a completely different function. But apparently the only places they exist are in monster hoards and adventurers' backpacks. Realistically however, everyone wants things that are better at what they do. And eventually, people get what they want. Today i will go over some objects that are useful outside of the context of adventuring, as well as how they might change the world around them. I will not mention artifacts, since those are one-of-a-kind objects with pre-established locations, usage, etc. While the topic has always existed, Tasha's Cauldron has added a few interesting toys to our proverbial tool box, which makes this as good a time as any to take a look and Much like in the Spells and Society post, the rarer an item the more amazingly powerful it must be to be worthy of mention. Actually i recommend reading that post before this one. Since a lot of magic items just allow you to cast spells for free, knowing which spells alter the world gives a good idea of which items can do the same.
Uncommon
+1 tools. That's right, +1 tools. Not +1 weapons. Consider a guard. How much of his time is actually spent fighting? A minute every other day? That's not getting a lot of use out of his sword. Even a soldier spends weeks marching, or months guarding a fort, and then only fights for a few minutes or hours. Even if a guard has a superb weapon that doubles his combat effectiveness, it only makes him 1% or 2% better at being a guard[1]. Given a choice of uncommon item, any guard and most soldiers would rather have a Weapon of Warning to prevent being backstabbed, ambushed or caught off-guard. Now consider a lumberjack or miner. They spend several hours a day hitting trees and rocks. An enchanted axe, saw or pickaxe would see continuous use in their hands. Not only that, magic items are also described as being "at least as durable as a nonmagical item of its kind. Most magic items, other than potions and scrolls, have resistance to all damage". This means the +1 pickaxe would be far, far more resilient to wear and tear than a mundane one, potentially being passed down for generations. And with your miners and lumberjacks being more efficient, you need less of them. Which in turn means you get to have more guards. Another noteworthy thing here is adamantine items. They deal automatic critical damage to objects and are much harder to destroy. In other words, they're great at chopping trees and ores, bending hot metal, cutting cloth, plowing a field, etc. All while having a fraction of the wear and tear. Bags of Holding, Handy Haversacks and Portable Holes. AKA your transporty boyes. The bag of holding is an old favorite among players, and the reason is obvious: it has a million uses. Most adventurers use it for carrying all their junk. The bad guys in the original Baldurs Gate game used bags of holding to smuggle whole shipments to and from their iron mine base with just one guy. One of my players once put a huge boulder in it, then flew up and dropped the boulder on an enemy transport ship. And let us not forget the classic Arrowhead of Total Destruction. All of these are perfectly valid uses. Smuggling a small object is easier than smuggling a large object. Dropping huge objects from a high place turns anything that flies into a siege weapon. And the Arrowhead, while expensive, can deal with very large threats that could level a city. But honestly, every merchant is a smuggler at heart. After all, as long as brigands roam the roads, there will always be a need to hide your valuables in an extraplanar space small enough to fit any orifice. Not only that, the bag allows you to dump a cart entirely and just ride to your destination much faster (and therefore, more safely). Of course not every merchant can afford a bag of holding, so this brings about an interesting topic of inequality in your campaign. Some merchants can go from A to B faster and more safely on a horse, while the majority must go with a bull-drawn cart that is slow and vulnerable. And bags of holding don't even require attunement, so once you have one and your income soars you can get another, and another... Its a serious rich-get-richer situation, and you risk running all the mundane merchants out of business. Broom of Flying. I'm gonna start this one with saying that brooms of flying and carpets of flying are overpowered. They are consistently better than items of similar rarity that provide the same benefit, like boots and wings of flying. The reason here is, in my humble opinion, the same reason why Fireball deals more damage than any 3rd level spell and most 5th level ones: its iconic. As for the item itself, its pretty much a permanent flying speed of 50 while carrying up to 200lbs, or 30ft. speed while carrying 201-400lbs. Its a deliveryboy's dream... except not. You see, the broom of flying isn't just a hoverbike, its also a drone. You say the command word, and it flies up to a mile a way. Say it again, it comes back. In other words, the crazy wizard in his tower can just tie some money and a note on the broom and send it to a shop, then call it back once the shopkeeper has tied the groceries to it. Poor delivery boy just lost his job. But wait, there's more! If the broom can fly on its own, can it plow a field? Can it spin an "animal" traction mill? The answer is: yes. But there's no reason to use magic where a common animal would do, unless its a crazy high magic setting or something. Decanter of Endless Water I think anyone can see how infinite water is broken as fuck[2]. But that's not all. By speaking the command word and pulling the lid, you can cause 30 gallons (136.4 litres) of water to pour out with enough force to push a 200 pound object 15 feet. This action can be repeated every turn (6 seconds), since a decanter of endless water has no limit on how often it can be used. So a decanter is not just infinite water, but also infinite energy provided you have enough technology to build a mill. Even more energy if you activate the decanter in a high place and use gravity to give those 30 gallons even more potential. Do keep in mind however that in 5e there must be someone using their action to activate it every turn. In previous editions however one could leave the decanter open and it would pour water constantly. Hat of Disguise This wee cap is not game-breaking for its great usefulness, but rather for its ability to fuck the world up. Any charlatan with a Hat of Disguise can walk into a bank, guild, ship, etc. and pretend to be anyone. Sure it doesn't happen often, but when it happens the crime spree is enormous. And while there are ways to work around disguised criminals, the fact people have to work around it is an issue in and of itself. Societies based on trust pretty much can't function. Does everyone sign everything? Do people start using IDs? Do organizations start using items or employing animals that can see through illusions? Is there an industry for door frames that detect illusions? Even without the hat, Disguise Self is still a 1st level spell. Yet somehow the sourcebooks have no mention of how the world might adapt to the idea that you can't trust people to be who they seem to be. And if anyone with access to 1st-level spells can walk up to the king without difficulties, you wont have kings for long. Ring of Mind Shielding A great item, if you're an asshole. Keeps people from sensing your evil alignment, keeps them from reading your evil thoughts, keeps pesky zones of truth from sensing your lies, and it even makes itself invisible so nobody can notice you're wearing the "i am evil" ring. It even keeps your immortal soul from going into eternal damnation! One thing i always think of soul-trapping items is that they're a good way for evil people to avoid the afterlife. If you're good, you want to go to Celestia, Elysium, Arborea or Ysgard. Yet if you're evil, being stuck in a ring and talking to its wearer might be better than Baator, Carceri or the Abyss. Sending Stones Another classic, unfortunately the stones were nerfed and now can only Send to each other once a day. Still, long range communication is nothing to scoff at. And while hiring someone to Send for you is cheaper, the stones provide more privacy and can be sent to far off corners of the world where you can't afford to station a caster full time. Expect each mayor or baron to have one of these, while someone in the capital answers their "calls". Something of a royal secretary if you will. While magic items are expensive, shaving days off of your disaster response time can be the difference between having a kingdom and having ruins.
Rare
Bag of Beans An often overlooked item, the BoB is crazy powerful. It has 3d4 beans, each of which can trigger a random effect. Notably they have a 10% chance of creating a random potion that lasts 30 days, a 10% chance of creating 1d4+3 eggs that can permanently raise an attribute by 1[3], a 9% chance of spawning a full on pyramid with a mummy lord and appropriate loot[4], and a 1% chance of leading anywhere. Why bother with tomes when you can get twice as many stats from a bag of beans? Helm of Teleportation. 1d3 castings of Teleport every day, plain and simple. That means 9 people can travel about 14 times in a week[5]. That's a lot of potential trading to be had for sure, but why stop there? Say your kingdom spent tons of time and money training and equipping an elite unit. You wouldn't want them to spend 80% of their time on the road and 20% solving issues right? One rare item can make your 9-men unit five times more efficient. Adventurers are in much the same boat: small group, lots of capital invested into their gear and training, yet they somehow spend most of their time going back and forth between adventures (until level 9 if they have a bard, sorcerer or wizard in the party, past 9 if they don't). It honestly amazes me that the Helm of Teleportation is not listed more often as a must-have party item. Manuals/Tomes For those unaware: there are 3 manuals and 3 tomes in the game, each increases an attribute by 2 when used and then loses its magic for 100 years. The #1 item on any adventurer's to-get list, the existence of the tomes raises far more questions than answers. Who makes these? Why are they not mass produced? Can i get a magically accelerated demiplane, throw the books in and recharge them in a fraction of the time? Why do people not abuse the f*** out of them? And when i mean abuse, i mean make smart use of them. Say a kingdom has, over the course of generations, acquired 5 or so tomes. Then the ruler reads them and becomes super smart/wise/popular. That sounds like the sort of thing that would make the whole realm prosper. Do it on an elven/dwarven kingdom and the ruler can read his tomes multiple times, granting him a godlike mind. And that's without considering the idea of immortals. Or even high level druids. Any lich or vampire could become insanely powerful, not only from being able to use each tome a dozen times, but also from having eons to look for more or even craft them[6]. One thing i really like about tomes is watching the party decide what to do with them after spending the magic. Do they auction the books? Trade with some elf for favors? Give it to a friendly vampire?
Very rare
Candle of Invocation For 4 hours clerics and druid of the proper alignment within 30ft can cast 1st level spells without using spell slots. In other words, crazy amounts of healing. Pop one after a battle and in a few minutes your whole army will be ready for more. Or pop it during a battle, and have the Healing Word the crap out of your troops from a safe-ish distance. Carpet of flying, Peregrine Mask Carpets of flying function much like brooms of flying, except they are faster or carry more weight (depending on size). They would be a strict upgrade, except they lack the drone function the broom has. A peregrine mask provides a flying speed of 60, but has no carrying capacity. That means if you have a Powerful Build or a similar feature it can actually carry more than the carpets. Cauldron of Rebirth If there's one thing Tasha's Cauldron has brought us, its this cauldron. It has some minor uses for scrying making potions, but here's the deal breaker: you put a corpse in the cauldron, fill it with 10gp worth of salt (200lbs.) and it casts Raise Dead on the creature. Resurrection normally costs 500gp. worth of diamonds. With the cauldron it costs 10gp worth of salt. Sure there's a one week cooldown, but who cares? I see two scenarios here: either a resurrection every week is more than the local demand, or less than the local demand. If its more than the demand, that means everyone who dies of unnatural causes and has 10gp to spare gets resurrected. If its less than the demand, that means you're raising one person every 7 days. Depending on how high the demand is you could be making as much as 500gp a week, or 26k a year. Considering that the DMG says a Very Rare magic item costs 10.000-50.000 gold, the cauldron can pay for itself in under two years. Even if the math is way off for some reason, it is still crazy strong. Honestly, this should be an artifact. Or at least have some heavy downside. The idea that someone over at Wizards of the Coast read this and said "Ah yes, 10gp resurrection, perfectly fine" simply boggles the mind. Crystalline Chronicle Speaking of items that make things cheap, 1d3 times a day this spellbook allows you to cast a wizard spell without material components of up to 100gp. That means two spells on average, so let's take a look at a few good options: Continual Flame[7], Magic Circle (exactly 100!), Stoneskin (100!), Teleportation Circle and Astral Projection. The ones that stand out here are Continual Flame and Teleportation Circle. Both cost 50 and have a huge demand in the world. Where a permanent TP circle would normally consume 18.250gp worth of materials over a year, it will now cost nothing[8].
Legendary
Staff of the Magi This is, i think, the most powerful item in the game. Has a bunch of charges, yadda yadda, here's the important part:
When someone else casts a spell on you, you can use a reaction to absorb the spell. The staff then gains charges equal to the level of the spell it just ate.
It can cast Plane Shift for 7 charges.
This means on an average day you get 16 charges, or two Plane Shifts, from the natural charge generation. But what if you could have someone cast spells on you without spending spell slots? There are several monsters who can cast spells at will, too many to list. But there are also a few ways for players to do it. The first that comes to mind is the level 18 Wizard feature Spell Mastery, allowing any 2nd level spell. There's also the level 15 invocation Shroud of Shadow that allows infinite casts of Invisibility. Either case allows a duo to have infinite Plane Shifts a day, which is really powerful. As usual, trade comes to mind. But with infinite charges you might as well start a tourism agency or a hotel and/or casino that brings in people from all planes. Yet what few people realize is that Plane Shift can be used offensively in order to permanently banish anyone to any plane. Infinite save-or-die effects. You could also just settle for a fuckton of Shifts instead of infinite, and use a warlock or four-elements monk to convert their short rest resources into charges for the staff. Now think of the possibilities and plot hooks. Mad king banishing dissidents, Red Queen style. Alternative death sentence. A high level wizard/warlock stranded somewhere because the guy who was attuned to the staff died or got separated from him. Random archdemon bringing an army to the Material Plane a couple demons a minute.
Notable mentions
These are items i left out, but which i will get yelled at in the comments if i "forget" about them. Anything that creates energy The truth is that a lot of magic items can do that. Fire for heating things, wind or water for pushing things, etc. For an energy source to be noteworthy it has to provide a considerable amount of continuous energy, without charges or daily limitations. Otherwise you might as well just use a regular water mill or a bull. Alchemy Jug (uncommon) It creates an amount of a liquid (beer, honey, etc) every day. It does nothing that cannot be done by an amount of workers, and for it to be world-altering we'd have to go into a lengthy math argument of how many labor hours of a bee farmer are needed to make a gallon of honey, and how that compares to the initial investment of hiring a wizard to make the item. As a general rule, if something can be done mundanely it will be done mundanely. Let the casters focus on stuff where they have an infinite comparative advantage, like flying stuff, teleportation, resurrection, etc. Cap of Water Breathing (uncommon) It allows you to breathe underwater indefinitely. Can be great if you have important stuff to do underwater, and might enable interaction with sentient water folk. But in and of itself, not a world-altering item. Horseshoes of Speed (rare) Essentially +30 speed for hooved creatures, without requiring attunement. Honestly this item does not really fit this list, but i just thought the idea of pegasi flying real fast with these was worth mentioning. Sure a helm of teleportation outclasses it entirely for travel, but that's not useful in combat. And i really want to play a centaur monk with these some day. Unfortunately the item description specifically says you have to have four equipped to benefit, so don't even think about it you satyrs and tieflings out there. Lyre of Building (rare) At a glance this looks like a regular magic items, with nothing too weird about it. Until you look at its spell selection and notice you can cast them as an action. Mending normally takes a minute to cast, with the lyre its an action, and you can do it at will even without knowing the spell. Fabricate takes ten minutes to cast, with the lyre its an action. That means once a day you can turn the ground under an enemy into a spiky cage, his sword into sword parts, etc. Until the lyre came about the only way to instantly cast fabricate was with a Wish, and that is a pretty good combat use of the 9th level spell.
Conclusion
To be quite frank, a lot of these item uses are a little niche and wont work in every setting. Then again, that that is never the goal with these posts. I hope i have provided you with at least a few interesting plot hooks and other crazy ideas, whether to amaze your players or ruin your DM's plans.
Notes
[1] There is a notable exception however. If your kingdom has a group dedicated to fighting monsters, some of which are resistant to nonmagic damage, then those guys should be prioritized. Not only does the +1 weapon double their damage output in this scenario, it also prevents your kingdom from losing special soldiers that are very expensive to train and replace. [2] Stuff like constant abuse of Decanters of Endless Water are why in my setting there is a doomsayer cult that believes the world will be flooded some day. As they say it, every time someone activates a decanter, magically creates water, creates food and water, opens a portal to the Plane of Water, etc; the amount of water in the world rises just a bit. Given enough time, everything will be flooded by it. Unless someone like, puts a Sphere of Annihilation by the shore or something. But nobody said the cult has to be right. [3] The bag has 3d4 beans. Each bean has a 10% chance of spawning 1d4+3 eggs. That means 7.5*0.1*5.5 = 4.125 raised stats, on average. Sure I'm assuming you'll pass the DC20 save every time, but with proper preparation its quite doable. Be near a paladin, get bardicly inspired, have someone cast Resistance, find ways to reroll a failed save, etc. Since the eggs last forever, you have all the time in the world to stack the saving throw in your favor. Or just use Portents. [4] The mummy lord could have anything, even another bag of beans! [5] Someone will say "but what about the chance of going off target? What if nobody has teleportation circles?" To that person i say: associated object. Get a pebble every time you're in a region, and you wont need a circle. Buy a bit of silk and you can teleport to any place along the silk road. Buy a used horseshoe and you can go all over the country. Now I'm just imagining this badass-looking special-ops soldier, clad in the finest plate, wielding a blazing blade, his cloak cackling thunder... and with a rusty-ass horseshoe tied to his helmet. [6] And thus is born the legend of Swolomon the Buff. He was once a base vampire, who got stuck in a tomb for 4000 years with nothing but a Manual of Bodily Health and a Manual of Gainly Exercise. Now he's... selling supplements or something. [7] See On Spells and Society linked at the top for why there's a near infinite demand for Continual Flame. [8] You can even make two circles at a time, but there's some math about it. You have 3 charges, use 2, so you should always be with one to spare. Until you roll a 1 on the d3, and then its gone. After that whenever you roll a 1 without first rolling a 3 you'll have to pay the 50gp or let the circle go to waste. In other words, you'd be paying roughly 1/6 of the regular cost.
Analysis: Does Robin charge you too much for house upgrades and how I concluded she is a diety.
Ever since a Let’s Play got me into Stardew Valley, I’ve fallen in love with the world. It’s something special, a place to relax and get away from the world’s problems. Here, you can pay bills with the sweat of your own brow, make friends, fall in love, and can escape the drudgery of modern life. It’s magical in its own way. I’ve played hundreds of hours over multiple save files. I’ve been wondering one thing just recently, however. I remember when I first asked Robin for house upgrades and the sheer bowel-emptying amount she asked for. Seriously? That much for a kitchen? Now that I haven’t left my house for the past several weeks, fear human contact, and have deep dived into the paranormal, I’m overthinking something constantly: with regards to modern housework, does Robin the carpenter over or under charge you for her work? To figure this out, it’s going to require a fair bit of math and a lot of guesswork. I’m going to have to establish a lot of ground rules but I’m going to try and be as accurate to real world costs as I can. We need to learn four things:
What year does the game take place so we can calculate accurate inflation?
What is the square footage of the house and its upgrades?
What is the exchange value of gold, the game’s currency?
What is the cost of Robin’s labor?
Let’s tackle the first. To do this, I scoured around to look for modern conveniences. Primarily, I found these five:
There is what appears to be an old Apple computer monitor in Harvey’s clinic and Maru’s room.
Sam has an electric guitar and what looks like a plasma screen computer monitor in his room.
In Mr. Qi’s casino, the slot machines do not have a lever. This is important because that gives us a firm earliest date of 1963.
Another interesting factoid is the number of Cathode-ray TVs you see in Stardew Valley. These are the precursors to plasma screens, which were in turn succeeded by LCD screen TVs. Additionally, a large number of your starter houses comes preequipped with Cathode-ray TVs. Granted, this may be because the farmhouse was abandoned for many years before you came along, but there exists another such TV in 1 River Road where we often see George watching his shows. I will concede that George and Evelyn are quite old and may not have the tech savvy nature of Sebastian to get something more modern, so that can’t be an accurate measurement. Plus, Alex’s mental acumen is a little... questionable. As for crafting recipes, there really isn’t anything worth talking about. Magic items I won’t talk about because it has no real world comparison; that also throws out the wizard shop’s items. The furniture catalog has nothing of note to pinepoint a date, and nor does Pierre’s General Store, Joja Mart, Joja Warehouse, the Blacksmith, Stardrop Saloon, or Marnie’s ranch. Leah doesn’t mention anything about her laptop, so that is of little help. So the casino gives us a low bound. Although manufacturing of the plasma screen TV stopped in the US in 2014, plasma screen TVs were losing their market shares around 2007 and factories were shutting down. As you can buy them like hotcakes and fill a shed with them, 2007 is our upper bound. The price for plasma screens was quite pricey for residential homes. 1995 was the year 42 inch plasma screens became commercial, and some had home installation priced somewhere around US$15,000. Still not quite the size of the queen or king sized bed you and your spouse have (the size of the plasma screen in the game), but sixty inch plasma screen TVs were sold around the year 2000, and that is plenty big. Given the size of the screen in the game is roughly three tiles just like your bed, I think it’s safe to say this is around the size of our estimate. Our rough year range is now 1995 to 2007. Let’s split the difference and say the game takes place in 2001. We have our year. To calculate the size of our farmhouse, we need some baseline measurement. Luckily, the game is pixelated so we can be quite accurate in our measurements. Unluckily, we have no confirmed height of anything, so we have to intuit some things. Reddit user asparagus made this excellent size chart, so while I can just use that and save myself a lot of work, let us do some measurements of our own and then measure the farmhouse with both this method and asparagus’ method. First, there is the height of plants, but those can vary widely. For instance, you can pot prickly pear cactuses in your farmhouse, but their height can vary anywhere between one and seven feet. Plant height is a no go. The average height of a minifridge is forty three inches (109 cm) tall, so unless you are a dwarf, that’s not right either. The fences are also a good starting point, as most agricultural fencing stands at four feet (1.2 m). Here we don’t have to do much; all fences are forty eight pixels in height. Four feet equals out to forty eight inches (121.92 cm). It doesn’t get more perfect than that! Trigger warning: incoming math. Now comes the really tricky part: getting the dimensions of each iteration of your farmhouse, and squinting at my computer screen like a mole in order to count pixels; we must include walls as well as that is included in square footage. Our first iteration has pixel measurements of 704x496. Add in the doorway (136x64pixels), and then we’ll still convert for square feet. 704 * 496 + (136 * 64) = 318,452 pixels/sq, which (dividing by 12^2) converts to 2,211.47 ft/sq. Damn, we’re well on our way for most modern mansions. I have to have messed something up (205.45 m/sq, btw). The average firebox (the inside of a fireplace where you burn wood) tends to be around 32x20 inches (81.28x50.8 cm). Ours is... 72x40. Twice as large. I also haven’t even begun to calculate the farmhouse’s height because Robin is beginning to scare me. Alright, new plan, we’re going with asparagus. I married Haley and took her measurements. She is 104 pixels tall, and since she is 65 inches (165.1 cm) according to asparagus, that gives us a measurement of .625 inches/pixel (1.5875 cm/pixel). Side note, I really want some Twizlers right now. So instead of having pixels as at a 1:1 ratio, we have something a little more lenient, but things are looking a little... grim. We’ll have to convert each individual amount, so we have (704 * .625) * (496 * .625) + ((136 * 64) * .625^2) for 124,395.31 inches/sq, 863.86 ft/sq., 80.25 m/sq. But still, we haven’t even begun to calculate the actual volume of our farmhouse yet, so these numbers are going to explode. I’m beginning to think Robin is Hestia. Yoba is not the only deity in this town. Alright, calculating the rest of the floor spaces is a little boring so let’s speedrun this. Wall height for the farmhouse is 140 pixels, so (140 * .625) * 124,395.31 inches/sq / 12^3 = 6,298.95 ft^3 (178.36 m^3) for the farmhouse, and 25,800.51 ft^3 (730.58 m^3) using my method. Just... let’s move on. Second iteration has me doing a fair bit more work. Wall height is 135 pixels, and rightmost—wait, the walls are shorter? Weird. Anyway, the rightmost room has dimensions of 486 for width by 375 for depth (and the same cubby dimensions), giving us cuboid dimensions of 24,603,750 pixels^3, which converts to 14,238.28 ft^3 (403.18 m^3), and 3,476.14 ft^3 (82.83 m^3) using asparagus' method Middle corridor has a dimensional width of 42 pixels by 87 depth, giving us a total of 285.47 ft^3 (8.08 m^3), and 69.69 ft^3 (1.97 m^3) using asparagus' method. Leftmost room (the kitchen) has a width of 870 and depth of 375, with a doorway of 136x64. That gives us a cuboid area of 314,019.38 ft^3 (29,173.11 m^3), and 6,388.74 ft^3 (180.91 m^3) using asparagus' method. That gives us a grand total for a tier two home of... ... 328,543.13 ft^3 (29,584.37 m^3) using my method and ... 9,934.58 ft^3 (281.31 m^3) using asparagus' method. So Robin added at a minimum 3,635.63 cubic feet to your house in three daysby herself. Even if you extend the days and months to roughly align with our own calendar, that would be a mere nine days. How much powdered starfruit did she snort in order to do that by herself? I 100% believe Emily is the town’s dealer. I didn’t even calculate the length of the farmhouse loft. It’s doable, and even though you can’t enter it in the game, a bigger farmhouse means a bigger loft judging by the look of it. Anyway, I’m not going to calculate the loft area right now. I’m not going to calculate the other tiers of your farmhouse either, even though that was my intent when I started this analysis. The math is easy enough, but it gets boring to type, and no doubt to read. Plus, I’m a little stunned by Robin's carpentry acumen. C’mon Robin, stop upgrading my house. Exercise with the girls, dance with your husband, smoke some weed, I dunno, RELAX. But in a strange way, it makes a weird sort of sense. Pretty much no one plays the game with auto-run turned off, but do so for a moment. See how fast you move. That is your normal pace, and auto-run is you, an Olympian god, sprinting around town every second of every day, helping the shit out of everyone whether they want it or not, snorting the same starfruit mixture you got from Robin to keep going, who may have gotten it from Linus (my money is still on Emily). We’ve become so accustomed to seeing the run animation as our default I almost didn’t realize it doesn’t translate to modern life. The boards in your house, I almost took those as your normal 2x4 planks of wood (which actually measure 1.5x3.5, the world lies to me). They are not. They are almost the width of your entire body, and your walking pace (sorry I can’t get an exact pixel measurement) covers roughly one and a half boards, a similar length to a normal human gait. The art style fooled even me until now, but your house is massive. Let’s just answer our other two questions. What is the exchange rate? Calculating the exchange rate of a fictional world is always tricky as they have different concepts of rarities, but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. Once again, I can’t do anything with magic. Let’s first list some things of note:
Iridium is fairly easy to get around Stardew Valley once you are able, and that is a rare and valuable metal, with a current price of US$1,510 per troy ounce.
You can purchase a golden column to place on your farm, and gold has a current price of US$1,643 per troy ounce
Conversely, while the first two are rare and valuable metals, crops such as corn are valued at prices like 150g, a very unusually high amount if exchanged 1:1 to USA dollars.
Going back to plasma screen TVs, we can use its price history and then convert currencies to Stardew Valley gold.
Now you may be tempted to say we can’t translate iridium and gold’s prices to real world market values, and normally you may be right, but there are some extenuating circumstances in the game: the town is right next to two very large mines. It is even a plot point once you clear the glittering boulder that the water carries ore from deep inside the mountain. Yes, gold and iridium are valuable, but your location to ore veins is important; gold and iridium may be uncommon resources but you have access to very specific places where they are more common, otherwise known as the scarcity heuristic). This also explains two facts about iridium: discounting magic, iridium is quite rare in the game, just like real life. Secondly, Clint’s prices make a lot more sense not only because it’s endgame material, but because iridium is super dense and has a very high melting point, thus making it a very difficult material to work with. But by far the biggest challenge of this question is figuring out whether or not items you produce factor in the cost of your labor or not. For instance, lace is made of simple materials that even in the days of Victorian England, it was easy to get. However because lace was so time consuming to make, it could command absurd prices. Thus, one of the first things we need to discover is whether or not the game takes into account cost of labor or not. So I am going to take you all back to school and talk about someone who’s old and dead: Adam Smith. It was he who talked about the cost of labor in his book The Wealth of Nations, and because of that, I bring up this particular line:
“...From century to century, corn is a better measure than silver, because, from century to century, equal quantities of corn will command the same quantity of labour more nearly than equal quantities of silver.”
Why did I mention corn above? This is why. Prices may vary, but agriculture has been around for thousands of years and the cost of a farmer’s labor equals about the same. According to Dylan Baumann, Stardew Valley corn plants have a profit value of 535 gold per plant. Our corn plant profits are about as high as they can get without adding something new into the mix, and we don’t want that yet. Let’s set some ground rules:
Cultivatable farm space on the standard farm equals out to 3,427 spaces, but we’ll round that down to 3,350 for iridium sprinklers, iridium watering can, and scarecrows, equaling maximum farming with no loss of crop.
We’ll keep Dylan’s ground rules, so no fertilizer.
No preserves, jams, wine, and juices.
No farming efficiencies and crop selling bonuses.
No use of the greenhouse to grow crops outside of the growing season.
If you plant the entire farm with corn and stop harvesting on Fall day 28 when the growing season ends, that lets you harvest a total of 11 ears of corn per plant. Multiply that by 3,350, we get a total of 36,850 ears of corn for your entire farm. Corn is measured in bushels, and a bushel of corn can be anywhere between 40 and 60 ears of corn, but we’ll say you really pack it in for 60, meaning your growing season for corn produces 36,850 / 60 corn for a total of 614.17 bushels per year. The USDA has a 2001 labor value of corn at US$2.92 per acre (and that matches the Iowa labor statistic), and using 156 bushels per acre, that brings our labor cost per bushel at... US$00.02. That’s a real pittance. Considering bushels of corn retailed around $2.11 per bushel in 2001, that is an incredible markup of 184.85 times. We’re almost done with the dreaded math, I swear. Corn retails at 100g apiece in Stardew Valley(You get 50 gold from Pierre, so he has a 100% markup), meaning the labor cost should be around 184.85 times less that amount, meaning it takes about 0.54 gold to make one ear of corn. Your average US farmers salary $55,000 and $100,000, and we’ll take the middle of $77,500 for our measurements. Dividing the farmer’s salary by the total ears of corn our farmer grows in Stardew Valley, we get a labor cost per ear of corn in US dollars of $2.10 per ear of corn. Now we multiply this by our markup ratio to get the IRL retail cost of corn in Stardew, getting US$237.08! Damn that better be some good eating! We divide that number by the Stardew Valley retail cost of corn, netting us a real world conversion of gold of, drumroll please, $2.37 US dollars per gold in 2001. Now just for funzies, let us calculate the actual salary of your famer in Stardew Valley. Multiplying your 36,850 ears of corn by 50 gold (your selling price of gold, not the retail price of 100g), that nets you 1,842,500 gold per growing season. Multiply that by the dollagold conversion we just calculated and your real life gross income comes out to be US$436,672,500. Give me all of the golden clocks, wizard. Three questions down, one more to go. Currency conversion was rather tricky because it involved quite a lot of math, but this last question, what is the cost of Robin’s labor, that requires the most assumptions. There’s an easy answer and a hard answer. Robin’s upgrades, except for the last, require you the farmer to give her resources in addition to gold. The simple answer is you are providing materials in order to keep the raw gold cost down. This means that the first house upgrade, 10,000 gold, is strictly her labor cost as the 450 wood is all the raw materials she needs to build. 3 days * 3 months (to adjust Stardew month lengths to our month lengths) comes out to Robin working an IRL equivalent to 9 days. Taking 10,000 gold / 9 days equals a cost of 1,111.111 gold per day, and considering Robin has snorted enough powdered starfruit to have 20 hour work days, that comes out to 55.56 gold per hour. Just to be sure, let’s see if the math holds up for the last upgrade. That one requires a cost of 100,000 gold and comes preequipped with 33 casks. You do not provide the resources for the casks, meaning that comes included with the cost. Casks cannot be sold, but the materials required to make them are 20 wood and 1 hardwood, which Robin will provide for the same 100% markup (meaning 4 gold and 30 gold respectively). 4 gold * 30 gold * 33 casks comes out to 3,960 gold. Using the same calculations for the first house iteration, we get (100,000 gold - 3,960) / (3 days * 3 months) / 20 hours for a total of 533.56 gold per hour. Not even close to our first estimate. We could just average them together for (533.56 + 55.56) / 2 = 294.56 gold, and that would be the easy answer. It would be nice to settle for the easy answer. Let’s find the hard answer. We are going to calculate labor cost per square footage, and luckily most of the work has been done over the course of several google spreadsheets. To find the cost of materials and money per upgrade volume we get the formula (Upgrade volume - Base Volume) / 10,000 gold. This gives us a grand total of cubic material built per gold of... ...2,573.26 in^3/gold, 30.27 ft^3/gold, 2.89 m^3/gold using my method and ...628.24 in^3/gold, 0.36 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method. Let’s see if the math holds up for the basement upgrade and dammit I just realized I got to do more pixel measurements now. Hold on, be back in an hour. Alright, I’m back. We don’t need to do any subtraction for the previous volume of the house considering the cellar is its own little area, but we still need to subtract the value of the materials used for the casks. The cellar comes out to a grand total of cubic materials built per gold of... ...386.91 in^3/gold, 0.22 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using my method and ...94.46 in^3/gold, 0.05 ft^3/gold, 0.0015 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method. Huge discrepancy. Before I get into my reasoning why, let us outline what we know first.
We’re pretty sure the game takes place in 2001.
We have the exact sizes of each house upgrade calculated with two different methods.
We have a certified exchange rate of US$2.37 at that point in time.
We have two different methods of calculating the cost of Robin’s labor.
The amount of work Robin does during her three(nine?) day job is absolutely obscene.
I come to one conclusion: Robin is a god that has settled down in the world of Stardew Valley. Here me out. I have three pieces of evidence. The first is when Robin is hired to take on a house upgrade job no one helps her, not even her husband Demetrius. Your house is right next to hers, so you’re not paying for travel. As we have shown by our calculations above and in the gDoc spreadsheet, that is a massive amount of work. It’s simply not possible for a human to accomplish such a monumental task. Robin claims she built her own home herself with this line from the game...
“Have I told you that I built our house from the ground up? It's definitely been the highlight of my career so far.”
...so we know her carpentry acumen is impressive enough for the job, but she has severely understated her skill. Homeadvisor pegs a house costing anywhere between US$150,000 to US$500,000 (US$102,005.53 to $340,018.44, adjusted for 2001 inflation), but even adjusted for inflation, Robin absolutely underbids the current housing market. Those inflation adjusted values, when converted to gold, come out to a range of 43,040.31g-143,467.70g. Granted, these prices are for a complete house, not adding onto a current house, but even if we half the value you are getting one hell of a discount. The second piece is Robin’s language. The sheer passion for her work speaks wonders..
“Wood is a wonderful substance... it's versatile, cheap, strong, and each piece has its own unique character!”
...but perhaps she is just passionate about what she does. Many people are, but knowing what we do about how dirt cheap and blindingly fast she works let’s go into more detail about some things, specifically three lines. The first...
“Our little plan worked out well, don't you think? Pam and Penny seem really happy.”
...is said after Pam’s house undergoes an upgrade. “Our” plan? Sure, you are the one that buys the upgrade and Robin has to build it, but I can’t help but feel there is a double meaning behind this language. It is done out of the kindness of Robin’s heart and the materials have to come from somewhere, so she can’t do it for free, but it wasn’t about the money, as we have stated previously. It was about Penny. Pam is a somewhat contentious person because of slobbish and slovenly nature. She is immediately and irrationally angered when Penny tries to pick the place up. She drinks heavily...
“\sigh*... My mother definitely has a problem with going to the saloon too much. But it's best not to dwell on bad things, right?”*
...doesn’t seem to understand not paying her tab has some consequences, and doesn’t realize what her habits have done to her daughter’s psyche. Then you, the player come along. Pam is okay with the simple things in life, but you help Penny with her worries and insecurities, and then with you and Robin together, you give Penny everything she needs to help her shed those worries. She has a house that doesn have problems with rain, two friends who look out for her, her mom has a job, and most importantly she has peace of mind and in a world fraught with problems, that is truly priceless. This is the second line...
“Hey! I heard some weird noises last night, and woke up this morning to find the quarry bridge completely repaired! It's a miracle of woodworking!”
...and it occurs once you offer items to the community center junimos to get the quarry bridge repaired. It is also a bald-faced lie. The junimos are good, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve seen what Robin can do with our own two eyes. She is absolutely incredible at her job, and while I may give it to her she has no idea what junimos are or what they are capable of, we have proof that the act of restoring the bridge in one night is not out of the realm of possibility for her. A miracle, yes, but I’m certain she can beat the junimos’ time. Lastly, there is one quote from her that is just... it opens up some very interesting questions. When she says...
“My parents were bewildered when I told them I wanted to be a carpenter. They were pretty old-fashioned.”
...how old are her parents when they consider carpentry too new-fashioned for them? Carpentry is one of the world’s oldest professions. If they were old-fashioned, why were they bewildered? This line is just so fascinating to me. Robin is incredibly skilled, but I cannot rationalize carpentry being too newfangled for parents to wrap their head around. Who were they? Where are they from? I know your secrets, Robin, I know your parents are gods, too. The third and final piece is the contrasting pieces of the world at large. Just like ours, it’s a little depressing. Joja Corp runs dozens of what even Cyberpunk would consider a dataslave farm. The world is flooded with consumerism run amok, Orwellian surveillance, and rampant urbanization. The Ferngill Republic is in the middle of a war with the Gotoro Empire and Kent still suffers PTSD from being in a prisoner of war camp. Stardew Valley isn’t just a town to retire in, it is a place of respite and healing. There are threeconfirmed magic users deeply tied to the town’s mystical roots. The bears speak and encourage you to manage the world around you. You are rewarded for restoring balance to the valley by being able to recycle things you don’t need. Your main resource in the game, gold, also doesn’t matter that much; if it ever slips into the negative, nothing bad ever happens. You must just work to raise it back up. There is no lose condition in the game. In many respects it is similar to the Gaiaism philosophy that all living beings are connected, each relying and depending on each other in order to maintain a peaceful coexistence. You help Shane with his nihilism and depression, Sebastian with his ability to express and accept affection, Sam with his dreams, Kent with his problems, Leah with her ambitions, Haley with her generosity and narcissism, or even simple goals like Penny’s idea of a quiet domestic life. Whether it is the addicted, lost, or scorned, everyone is welcome and everyone can have a home in Stardew Valley. No one embodies this more than Robin who just wants a simple life. Whether it is her own house or her own boat during the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, Robin builds it herself. The feel of wood grain, the smell of lacquer, the stickiness of stain, the thrum of the saw, and the bite of the axe. Robin doesn’t charge you nearly enough for your house upgrades because it is not about the money. Woodworking is what she loves and she lives in a place where barterism, kindness, family, and friendship substitute so many of life's modern problems and inconveniences. Friendship increases in the game aren’t just a measurement of achievements, a means of getting more recipes, or more candles lit on a grave. You are making friends and getting to know these people for who they are and everyone’s life is bettered because of it. The amount of love I’ve seen for Linus is just staggering. Shane, in all of his melancholy and despite him not being a suitor in the original version of the game, is loved by so many. I know some despise Haley, but I love that I was able to show her what kindness can do for people. You are in a gentle and loving place, and you are loved. What a better place for a god to reside? A quiet town filled with peace and love, seeped in nature and the old magics of yore. A loving mate, a family to raise. Land to share with those that forage from its bounty. It’s all she needs. Robin’s role in all of this? She desires neither worship nor admiration. She is just a friend. A god, certainly, but a friend first and foremost who is just settling down in a quiet town looking for a little peace. https://preview.redd.it/fkugiuh4nwv51.png?width=507&format=png&auto=webp&s=146d3dabaa63c0ce3bfd281712434e9b2a655be8 Image by MagicallyClueless
Theory: One Stardew Valley villager is secretly a God
Ever since a Let’s Play got me into Stardew Valley, I’ve fallen in love with the world. It’s something special, a place to relax and get away from the world’s problems. Here, you can pay bills with the sweat of your own brow, make friends, fall in love, and can escape the drudgery of modern life. It’s magical in its own way. I’ve played hundreds of hours over multiple save files. I’ve been wondering one thing just recently, however. I remember when I first asked Robin for house upgrades and the sheer bowel-emptying amount she asked for. Seriously? That much for a kitchen? Now that I haven’t left my house for the past several weeks, fear human contact, and have deep dived into the paranormal, I’m overthinking something constantly: with regards to modern housework, does Robin the carpenter over or under charge you for her work? To figure this out, it’s going to require a fair bit of math and a lot of guesswork. I’m going to have to establish a lot of ground rules but I’m going to try and be as accurate to real world costs as I can. We need to learn four things:
What year does the game take place so we can calculate accurate inflation?
What is the square footage of the house and its upgrades?
What is the exchange value of gold, the game’s currency?
What is the cost of Robin’s labor?
Let’s tackle the first. To do this, I scoured around to look for modern conveniences. Primarily, I found these five:
There is what appears to be an old Apple computer monitor in Harvey’s clinic and Maru’s room.
Sam has an electric guitar and what looks like a plasma screen computer monitor in his room.
In Mr. Qi’s casino, the slot machines do not have a lever. This is important because that gives us a firm earliest date of 1963.
Another interesting factoid is the number of Cathode-ray TVs you see in Stardew Valley. These are the precursors to plasma screens, which were in turn succeeded by LCD screen TVs. Additionally, a large number of your starter houses comes preequipped with Cathode-ray TVs. Granted, this may be because the farmhouse was abandoned for many years before you came along, but there exists another such TV in 1 River Road where we often see George watching his shows. I will concede that George and Evelyn are quite old and may not have the tech savvy nature of Sebastian to get something more modern, so that can’t be an accurate measurement. Plus, Alex’s mental acumen is a little... questionable. As for crafting recipes, there really isn’t anything worth talking about. Magic items I won’t talk about because it has no real world comparison; that also throws out the wizard shop’s items. The furniture catalog has nothing of note to pinepoint a date, and nor does Pierre’s General Store, Joja Mart, Joja Warehouse, the Blacksmith, Stardrop Saloon, or Marnie’s ranch. Leah doesn’t mention anything about her laptop, so that is of little help. So the casino gives us a low bound. Although manufacturing of the plasma screen TV stopped in the US in 2014, plasma screen TVs were losing their market shares around 2007 and factories were shutting down. As you can buy them like hotcakes and fill a shed with them, 2007 is our upper bound. The price for plasma screens was quite pricey for residential homes. 1995 was the year 42 inch plasma screens became commercial, and some had home installation priced somewhere around US$15,000. Still not quite the size of the queen or king sized bed you and your spouse have (the size of the plasma screen in the game), but sixty inch plasma screen TVs were sold around the year 2000, and that is plenty big. Given the size of the screen in the game is roughly three tiles just like your bed, I think it’s safe to say this is around the size of our estimate. Our rough year range is now 1995 to 2007. Let’s split the difference and say the game takes place in 2001. We have our year. To calculate the size of our farmhouse, we need some baseline measurement. Luckily, the game is pixelated so we can be quite accurate in our measurements. Unluckily, we have no confirmed height of anything, so we have to intuit some things. Reddit user asparagus made this excellent size chart, so while I can just use that and save myself a lot of work, let us do some measurements of our own and then measure the farmhouse with both this method and asparagus’ method. First, there is the height of plants, but those can vary widely. For instance, you can pot prickly pear cactuses in your farmhouse, but their height can vary anywhere between one and seven feet. Plant height is a no go. The average height of a minifridge is forty three inches (109 cm) tall, so unless you are a dwarf, that’s not right either. The fences are also a good starting point, as most agricultural fencing stands at four feet (1.2 m). Here we don’t have to do much; all fences are forty eight pixels in height. Four feet equals out to forty eight inches (121.92 cm). It doesn’t get more perfect than that! Trigger warning: incoming math. Now comes the really tricky part: getting the dimensions of each iteration of your farmhouse, and squinting at my computer screen like a mole in order to count pixels; we must include walls as well as that is included in square footage. Our first iteration has pixel measurements of 704x496. Add in the doorway (136x64pixels), and then we’ll still convert for square feet. 704 * 496 + (136 * 64) = 318,452 pixels/sq, which (dividing by 12^2) converts to 2,211.47 ft/sq. Damn, we’re well on our way for most modern mansions. I have to have messed something up (205.45 m/sq, btw). The average firebox (the inside of a fireplace where you burn wood) tends to be around 32x20 inches (81.28x50.8 cm). Ours is... 72x40. Twice as large. I also haven’t even begun to calculate the farmhouse’s height because Robin is beginning to scare me. Alright, new plan, we’re going with asparagus. I married Haley and took her measurements. She is 104 pixels tall, and since she is 65 inches (165.1 cm) according to asparagus, that gives us a measurement of .625 inches/pixel (1.5875 cm/pixel). Side note, I really want some Twizlers right now. So instead of having pixels as at a 1:1 ratio, we have something a little more lenient, but things are looking a little... grim. We’ll have to convert each individual amount, so we have (704 * .625) * (496 * .625) + ((136 * 64) * .625^2) for 124,395.31 inches/sq, 863.86 ft/sq., 80.25 m/sq. But still, we haven’t even begun to calculate the actual volume of our farmhouse yet, so these numbers are going to explode. I’m beginning to think Robin is Hestia. Yoba is not the only deity in this town. Alright, calculating the rest of the floor spaces is a little boring so let’s speedrun this. Wall height for the farmhouse is 140 pixels, so (140 * .625) * 124,395.31 inches/sq / 12^3 = 6,298.95 ft^3 (178.36 m^3) for the farmhouse, and 25,800.51 ft^3 (730.58 m^3) using my method. Just... let’s move on. Second iteration has me doing a fair bit more work. Wall height is 135 pixels, and rightmost—wait, the walls are shorter? Weird. Anyway, the rightmost room has dimensions of 486 for width by 375 for depth (and the same cubby dimensions), giving us cuboid dimensions of 24,603,750 pixels^3, which converts to 14,238.28 ft^3 (403.18 m^3), and 3,476.14 ft^3 (82.83 m^3) using asparagus' method Middle corridor has a dimensional width of 42 pixels by 87 depth, giving us a total of 285.47 ft^3 (8.08 m^3), and 69.69 ft^3 (1.97 m^3) using asparagus' method. Leftmost room (the kitchen) has a width of 870 and depth of 375, with a doorway of 136x64. That gives us a cuboid area of 314,019.38 ft^3 (29,173.11 m^3), and 6,388.74 ft^3 (180.91 m^3) using asparagus' method. That gives us a grand total for a tier two home of... ... 328,543.13 ft^3 (29,584.37 m^3) using my method and ... 9,934.58 ft^3 (281.31 m^3) using asparagus' method. So Robin added at a minimum 3,635.63 cubic feet to your house in three daysby herself. Even if you extend the days and months to roughly align with our own calendar, that would be a mere nine days. How much powdered starfruit did she snort in order to do that by herself? I 100% believe Emily is the town’s dealer. I didn’t even calculate the length of the farmhouse loft. It’s doable, and even though you can’t enter it in the game, a bigger farmhouse means a bigger loft judging by the look of it. Anyway, I’m not going to calculate the loft area right now. I’m not going to calculate the other tiers of your farmhouse either, even though that was my intent when I started this analysis. The math is easy enough, but it gets boring to type, and no doubt to read. Plus, I’m a little stunned by Robin's carpentry acumen. C’mon Robin, stop upgrading my house. Exercise with the girls, dance with your husband, smoke some weed, I dunno, RELAX. But in a strange way, it makes a weird sort of sense. Pretty much no one plays the game with auto-run turned off, but do so for a moment. See how fast you move. That is your normal pace, and auto-run is you, an Olympian god, sprinting around town every second of every day, helping the shit out of everyone whether they want it or not, snorting the same starfruit mixture you got from Robin to keep going, who may have gotten it from Linus (my money is still on Emily). We’ve become so accustomed to seeing the run animation as our default I almost didn’t realize it doesn’t translate to modern life. The boards in your house, I almost took those as your normal 2x4 planks of wood (which actually measure 1.5x3.5, the world lies to me). They are not. They are almost the width of your entire body, and your walking pace (sorry I can’t get an exact pixel measurement) covers roughly one and a half boards, a similar length to a normal human gait. The art style fooled even me until now, but your house is massive. Let’s just answer our other two questions. What is the exchange rate? Calculating the exchange rate of a fictional world is always tricky as they have different concepts of rarities, but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. Once again, I can’t do anything with magic. Let’s first list some things of note:
Iridium is fairly easy to get around Stardew Valley once you are able, and that is a rare and valuable metal, with a current price of US$1,510 per troy ounce.
You can purchase a golden column to place on your farm, and gold has a current price of US$1,643 per troy ounce
Conversely, while the first two are rare and valuable metals, crops such as corn are valued at prices like 150g, a very unusually high amount if exchanged 1:1 to USA dollars.
Going back to plasma screen TVs, we can use its price history and then convert currencies to Stardew Valley gold.
Now you may be tempted to say we can’t translate iridium and gold’s prices to real world market values, and normally you may be right, but there are some extenuating circumstances in the game: the town is right next to two very large mines. It is even a plot point once you clear the glittering boulder that the water carries ore from deep inside the mountain. Yes, gold and iridium are valuable, but your location to ore veins is important; gold and iridium may be uncommon resources but you have access to very specific places where they are more common, otherwise known as the scarcity heuristic). This also explains two facts about iridium: discounting magic, iridium is quite rare in the game, just like real life. Secondly, Clint’s prices make a lot more sense not only because it’s endgame material, but because iridium is super dense and has a very high melting point, thus making it a very difficult material to work with. But by far the biggest challenge of this question is figuring out whether or not items you produce factor in the cost of your labor or not. For instance, lace is made of simple materials that even in the days of Victorian England, it was easy to get. However because lace was so time consuming to make, it could command absurd prices. Thus, one of the first things we need to discover is whether or not the game takes into account cost of labor or not. So I am going to take you all back to school and talk about someone who’s old and dead: Adam Smith. It was he who talked about the cost of labor in his book The Wealth of Nations, and because of that, I bring up this particular line:
“...From century to century, corn is a better measure than silver, because, from century to century, equal quantities of corn will command the same quantity of labour more nearly than equal quantities of silver.”
Why did I mention corn above? This is why. Prices may vary, but agriculture has been around for thousands of years and the cost of a farmer’s labor equals about the same. According to Dylan Baumann, Stardew Valley corn plants have a profit value of 535 gold per plant. Our corn plant profits are about as high as they can get without adding something new into the mix, and we don’t want that yet. Let’s set some ground rules:
Cultivatable farm space on the standard farm equals out to 3,427 spaces, but we’ll round that down to 3,350 for iridium sprinklers, iridium watering can, and scarecrows, equaling maximum farming with no loss of crop.
We’ll keep Dylan’s ground rules, so no fertilizer.
No preserves, jams, wine, and juices.
No farming efficiencies and crop selling bonuses.
No use of the greenhouse to grow crops outside of the growing season.
If you plant the entire farm with corn and stop harvesting on Fall day 28 when the growing season ends, that lets you harvest a total of 11 ears of corn per plant. Multiply that by 3,350, we get a total of 36,850 ears of corn for your entire farm. Corn is measured in bushels, and a bushel of corn can be anywhere between 40 and 60 ears of corn, but we’ll say you really pack it in for 60, meaning your growing season for corn produces 36,850 / 60 corn for a total of 614.17 bushels per year. The USDA has a 2001 labor value of corn at US$2.92 per acre (and that matches the Iowa labor statistic), and using 156 bushels per acre, that brings our labor cost per bushel at... US$00.02. That’s a real pittance. Considering bushels of corn retailed around $2.11 per bushel in 2001, that is an incredible markup of 184.85 times. We’re almost done with the dreaded math, I swear. Corn retails at 100g apiece in Stardew Valley(You get 50 gold from Pierre, so he has a 100% markup), meaning the labor cost should be around 184.85 times less that amount, meaning it takes about 0.54 gold to make one ear of corn. Your average US farmers salary $55,000 and $100,000, and we’ll take the middle of $77,500 for our measurements. Dividing the farmer’s salary by the total ears of corn our farmer grows in Stardew Valley, we get a labor cost per ear of corn in US dollars of $2.10 per ear of corn. Now we multiply this by our markup ratio to get the IRL retail cost of corn in Stardew, getting US$237.08! Damn that better be some good eating! We divide that number by the Stardew Valley retail cost of corn, netting us a real world conversion of gold of, drumroll please, $2.37 US dollars per gold in 2001. Now just for funzies, let us calculate the actual salary of your famer in Stardew Valley. Multiplying your 36,850 ears of corn by 50 gold (your selling price of gold, not the retail price of 100g), that nets you 1,842,500 gold per growing season. Multiply that by the dollagold conversion we just calculated and your real life gross income comes out to be US$436,672,500. Give me all of the golden clocks, wizard. Three questions down, one more to go. Currency conversion was rather tricky because it involved quite a lot of math, but this last question, what is the cost of Robin’s labor, that requires the most assumptions. There’s an easy answer and a hard answer. Robin’s upgrades, except for the last, require you the farmer to give her resources in addition to gold. The simple answer is you are providing materials in order to keep the raw gold cost down. This means that the first house upgrade, 10,000 gold, is strictly her labor cost as the 450 wood is all the raw materials she needs to build. 3 days * 3 months (to adjust Stardew month lengths to our month lengths) comes out to Robin working an IRL equivalent to 9 days. Taking 10,000 gold / 9 days equals a cost of 1,111.111 gold per day, and considering Robin has snorted enough powdered starfruit to have 20 hour work days, that comes out to 55.56 gold per hour. Just to be sure, let’s see if the math holds up for the last upgrade. That one requires a cost of 100,000 gold and comes preequipped with 33 casks. You do not provide the resources for the casks, meaning that comes included with the cost. Casks cannot be sold, but the materials required to make them are 20 wood and 1 hardwood, which Robin will provide for the same 100% markup (meaning 4 gold and 30 gold respectively). 4 gold * 30 gold * 33 casks comes out to 3,960 gold. Using the same calculations for the first house iteration, we get (100,000 gold - 3,960) / (3 days * 3 months) / 20 hours for a total of 533.56 gold per hour. Not even close to our first estimate. We could just average them together for (533.56 + 55.56) / 2 = 294.56 gold, and that would be the easy answer. It would be nice to settle for the easy answer. Let’s find the hard answer. We are going to calculate labor cost per square footage, and luckily most of the work has been done over the course of several google spreadsheets. To find the cost of materials and money per upgrade volume we get the formula (Upgrade volume - Base Volume) / 10,000 gold. This gives us a grand total of cubic material built per gold of... ...2,573.26 in^3/gold, 30.27 ft^3/gold, 2.89 m^3/gold using my method and ...628.24 in^3/gold, 0.36 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method. Let’s see if the math holds up for the basement upgrade and dammit I just realized I got to do more pixel measurements now. Hold on, be back in an hour. Alright, I’m back. We don’t need to do any subtraction for the previous volume of the house considering the cellar is its own little area, but we still need to subtract the value of the materials used for the casks. The cellar comes out to a grand total of cubic materials built per gold of... ...386.91 in^3/gold, 0.22 ft^3/gold, 0.01 m^3/gold using my method and ...94.46 in^3/gold, 0.05 ft^3/gold, 0.0015 m^3/gold using asparagus’ method. Huge discrepancy. Before I get into my reasoning why, let us outline what we know first.
We’re pretty sure the game takes place in 2001.
We have the exact sizes of each house upgrade calculated with two different methods.
We have a certified exchange rate of US$2.37 at that point in time.
We have two different methods of calculating the cost of Robin’s labor.
The amount of work Robin does during her three(nine?) day job is absolutely obscene.
I come to one conclusion: Robin is a god that has settled down in the world of Stardew Valley. Here me out. I have three pieces of evidence. The first is when Robin is hired to take on a house upgrade job no one helps her, not even her husband Demetrius. Your house is right next to hers, so you’re not paying for travel. As we have shown by our calculations above and in the gDoc spreadsheet, that is a massive amount of work. It’s simply not possible for a human to accomplish such a monumental task. Robin claims she built her own home herself with this line from the game...
“Have I told you that I built our house from the ground up? It's definitely been the highlight of my career so far.”
...so we know her carpentry acumen is impressive enough for the job, but she has severely understated her skill. Homeadvisor pegs a house costing anywhere between US$150,000 to US$500,000 (US$102,005.53 to $340,018.44, adjusted for 2001 inflation), but even adjusted for inflation, Robin absolutely underbids the current housing market. Those inflation adjusted values, when converted to gold, come out to a range of 43,040.31g-143,467.70g. Granted, these prices are for a complete house, not adding onto a current house, but even if we half the value you are getting one hell of a discount. The second piece is Robin’s language. The sheer passion for her work speaks wonders..
“Wood is a wonderful substance... it's versatile, cheap, strong, and each piece has its own unique character!”
...but perhaps she is just passionate about what she does. Many people are, but knowing what we do about how dirt cheap and blindingly fast she works let’s go into more detail about some things, specifically three lines. The first...
“Our little plan worked out well, don't you think? Pam and Penny seem really happy.”
...is said after Pam’s house undergoes an upgrade. “Our” plan? Sure, you are the one that buys the upgrade and Robin has to build it, but I can’t help but feel there is a double meaning behind this language. It is done out of the kindness of Robin’s heart and the materials have to come from somewhere, so she can’t do it for free, but it wasn’t about the money, as we have stated previously. It was about Penny. Pam is a somewhat contentious person because of slobbish and slovenly nature. She is immediately and irrationally angered when Penny tries to pick the place up. She drinks heavily...
“\sigh*... My mother definitely has a problem with going to the saloon too much. But it's best not to dwell on bad things, right?”*
...doesn’t seem to understand not paying her tab has some consequences, and doesn’t realize what her habits have done to her daughter’s psyche. Then you, the player come along. Pam is okay with the simple things in life, but you help Penny with her worries and insecurities, and then with you and Robin together, you give Penny everything she needs to help her shed those worries. She has a house that doesn have problems with rain, two friends who look out for her, her mom has a job, and most importantly she has peace of mind and in a world fraught with problems, that is truly priceless. Then there is this line...
“Hey! I heard some weird noises last night, and woke up this morning to find the quarry bridge completely repaired! It's a miracle of woodworking!”
...and it occurs once you offer items to the community center junimos to get the quarry bridge repaired. It is also a bald-faced lie. The junimos are good, don’t get me wrong, but we’ve seen what Robin can do with our own two eyes. She is absolutely incredible at her job, and while I may give it to her she has no idea what junimos are or what they are capable of, we have proof that the act of restoring the bridge in one night is not out of the realm of possibility for her. A miracle, yes, but I’m certain she can beat the junimos’ time. Lastly, there is one quote from her that is just... it opens up some very interesting questions. When she says...
“My parents were bewildered when I told them I wanted to be a carpenter. They were pretty old-fashioned.”
...how old are her parents when they consider carpentry too new-fashioned for them? Carpentry is one of the world’s oldest professions. If they were old-fashioned, why were they bewildered? This line is just so fascinating to me. Robin is incredibly skilled, but I cannot rationalize carpentry being too newfangled for parents to wrap their head around. Who were they? Where are they from? I know your secrets, Robin, I know your parents are gods, too. The third and final piece is the contrasting pieces of the world at large. Just like ours, it’s a little depressing. Joja Corp runs dozens of what even Cyberpunk would consider a dataslave farm. The world is flooded with consumerism run amok, Orwellian surveillance, and rampant urbanization. The Ferngill Republic is in the middle of a war with the Gotoro Empire and Kent still suffers PTSD from being in a prisoner of war camp. Stardew Valley isn’t just a town to retire in, it is a place of respite and healing. There are threeconfirmed magic users deeply tied to the town’s mystical roots. The bears speak and encourage you to manage the world around you. You are rewarded for restoring balance to the valley by being able to recycle things you don’t need. Your main resource in the game, gold, also doesn’t matter that much; if it ever slips into the negative, nothing bad ever happens. You must just work to raise it back up. There is no lose condition in the game. In many respects it is similar to the Gaiaism philosophy that all living beings are connected, each relying and depending on each other in order to maintain a peaceful coexistence. You help Shane with his nihilism and depression, Sebastian with his ability to express and accept affection, Sam with his dreams, Kent with his problems, Leah with her ambitions, Haley with her generosity and narcissism, or even simple goals like Penny’s idea of a quiet domestic life. Whether it is the addicted, lost, or scorned, everyone is welcome and everyone can have a home in Stardew Valley. No one embodies this more than Robin who just wants a simple life. Whether it is her own house or her own boat during the Dance of the Moonlight Jellies, Robin builds it herself. The feel of wood grain, the smell of lacquer, the stickiness of stain, the thrum of the saw, and the bite of the axe. Robin doesn’t charge you nearly enough for your house upgrades because it is not about the money. Woodworking is what she loves and she lives in a place where barterism, kindness, family, and friendship substitute so many of life's modern problems and inconveniences. Friendship increases in the game aren’t just a measurement of achievements, a means of getting more recipes, or more candles lit on a grave. You are making friends and getting to know these people for who they are and everyone’s life is bettered because of it. The amount of love I’ve seen for Linus is just staggering. Shane, in all of his melancholy and despite him not being a suitor in the original version of the game, is loved by so many. I know some despise Haley, but I love that I was able to show her what kindness can do for people. You are in a gentle and loving place, and you are loved. What a better place for a god to reside? A quiet town filled with peace and love, seeped in nature and the old magics of yore. A loving mate, a family to raise. Land to share with those that forage from its bounty. It’s all she needs. Robin’s role in all of this? She desires neither worship nor admiration. She is just a friend. A god, certainly, but a friend first and foremost who is just settling down in a quiet town looking for a little peace. https://preview.redd.it/vxedrolha3w51.png?width=507&format=png&auto=webp&s=d109cc65b008db74dc4ef74d20083c6eeb2cfc60 Image by MagicallyClueless
Pivlichino's Classic Casino Games (steal my filler episode)
Pivlichino's Classic, Casino de Ravnica Last night I ran an impromptu session as a filler episode as I was missing 3 out 6 players. It was a success that I will repeat as filler in the future. I had about 45 minutes to prep, so frantically started searching Reddit for DnD playable Casino games and settled for the following (changing the names for some). I had read up a little about Feather, and came across Pivlic and that he has a Casino with a boxing ring in it. I already had found a map several months back that fit that perfectly from AfternoonMaps ( AfternoonMaps ). I played him as a charismatic showman Orzhov wanting to "help you cleanse your sin in a fun way". Pivlic sent out Indentured Spirits with flyers to the players. They thought it was a special invitation, but realised when they arrived that they had just gotten spam advertisements. Promotional flyer sent out randomly by Indentured Spirits Pivlic personally welcomed them at the casino (it's called Pivlichino's Classic because he also runs a 5 Michelin star equivalent restaurant on the Millennial Platform), and told about the games available:
A game from the 1980's but most recently popularized by the game Kingdom Come: Deliverance. Involves 2 players. A player rolls 6d6, then chooses which dice to keep and which to roll. If you don't score you lose all points from that round. First to 2000 pts wins. Scoring:
single 1 = 100 pts
single 5 = 50 pts
Three of a kind = 100 x that number pts (e.g. 3x4's = 400 pts)
Three 1's = 1000 pts
Four or more a kind is double the points of three of a kind (e.g. 4x4's = 800 pts, 5x4's = 1600 pts)
I don't know the real world name of this game, but I remember reading about it a long time ago, and ProfQuirrell jogged my memory of it. I decided to name it Opulence to fit the Orzhov theme. Each Player picks a number from 1 to 6 and bets any amount. Dealer rolls 3d6. You then compare the rolls with what the player's number.
1 match = amount x 2
2 match = amount x 3
3 match = amount x 4
This game is deceptive, since it looks like a very fair game, but is slightly weighted in the house's favour. My players spent the most money on this, as it's very quick to play. I could see this or a variant also be used as a form of slot machine.
Pugilism payout varies depending on opponent
The centre of the casino features a boxing/wrestling ring and has 3 opponents on any given night. Rules:
The ring itself has a magical aura that "blunts" weapons used within, to avoid evisceration and death. The weapons are fine once outside of the ring again.
If you bring in armor to the ring, your opponent also gets armor (I just did a quick +3 or +4 AC depending on the opponent)
If you bring a weapon to the ring, your opponent also gets the same weapon (or equivalent)
No magic to be used, though feats and racial abilities are fair game.
Opponents:
Standard Soldier stat block (AC 16 in armor, AC 18 with Shield, AC 11 without armor). Payout of 1.5:1 for combatant, 1.25:1 for watchers.
Indentured Servant stat block (AC 11 without armor, AC 14 "with armor"). Payout 2:1 for combatants, 1.5:1 for watchers.
Hybrid Shocker stat block (AC 12 without armor, AC 16 "with armor"). Payout 3:1 for combatants, 2:1 for watchers.
The fights were enjoyable for my players, and the final bout of my Articifer Armorer player vs the Shocker was a nail-biter. Power Armour slugging it out against the electric tentacles left them both at sub 3 HP when the final Tentacle lightning damage struck the artificer down. I also had the Spirit fly out of reach of the player a lot, so he had to get creative and jump off the turn buckle to actually get hits in. Lots of fun wrestling moves were thrown.
When I read u/Turin082's post last month about a card game where you bet your stats, I KNEW I needed to include it somehow in my campaign. It came a bit sooner expected. I renamed the game Ravnicante (Pronounced like Ravnic-Ante, not Ravni-cant-e), and made it the unique game that Pivlichino's Classic is known for. This game plays very similiarly to Texas Hold'Em (please correct me if I'm wrong, I'm not very familiar with Poker). Each player rolls 2d12's in secret (we play on Roll20 so they can whisper it to me), then the dealer rolls 3d12's that are revealed immediately, and 2d12's that are revealed as the game progresses. Most of the traditional Poker hands exist, though there are no Aces or Jokers, and Kings and Queens are both equal to 12. A player can bet any of the following:
hit dice (temporarily)
hit dice (permanently changing max amount of dice)
proficiencies (only skills they are proficient with, if they lose it's gone, if they win they get expertise)
Ability Score (must be in an ability you have at least a +0 modifier in, so no going hard into the negatives)
Mana points (I use a mana points system in addition to spell slots, works sorta like inspiration)
Inspiration dice
Class features (Bardic inspirations dice, Fighting Styles, Channel Divinity uses, amount of Rage dice etc. Get creative!)
Spell slots (permanent loss or increase in the level bet)
Spells themselves (permantly lose the spell knowledge, or gain a buff to it like an die increase from d6->d8 damage)
Anything that could become a flaw (your courage, your oldest memory, your prized cheesecake recipe. Point is, get creative!)
Opponents and what they'll wager (in order):
Alisha Fuerto, Azorius Precog Mage (she can see the 4th die immediately when the dealer rolls)
Wages
(1) Detect Thoughts spell
(2) 1 point of Dexterity
(3) Precognitive Insight use
(4) Precognitive Insight use
(5) Glimpse the Temporal Flood
(6) Precognitive Insight use
(7) Truesight 120ft.
Severn Ate-Nighn, Gruul Goblin Anarch (he'll try to Intimidate opponents to fold)
Wages
(1) Siege Monster
(2) Survival skill proficiency
(3) Fury of the Small
(4) 1 point of Strength
(5) Aggressive
(6) His courage (will flee if he loses it)
Oppor the Tunist, Human Rakdos High-wire Performer (will joke about dismemberment and torture to unsettle opponents)
Hi all :) In these posts I’ll be sharing some of the fun bits of dialogues from the Swimsuit Swordsmasters summer event. They are mostly short and fun exchanges between the characters that you can enjoy reading along with the summaries of the chapters that you can find down here. Here are the summaries of the Las Vegas summer event from last year, done by various good souls. With the exception of the translations by pplovesk and shinyklefkey , most of these were summarized by Itqan Madani on their Facebook. They used to be posted on reddit by kakarot12310 but since the posts have been removed for some reason I'll link directly to Itqan Madani instead. Main chapter summary part 1 Main chapter summary part 2 Main chapter summary part 3 Main chapter summary part 4 Main chapter summary part 5 Main chapter summary part 6 Main chapter summary part 7 Main chapter summary part 8 Main chapter summary part 9, and part 10.Alternative summary with additional tidbits by pplovesk. Main chapter summary part 11alternative summary with additional translation of the final boss’ dialogues and fun tidbits by pplovesk. Extra: Drive in Las Vegas Extra: Fun Jet Tennen Rishin-ryū Extra: Losers’ Lullaby Extra: Gambling Saint Extra: Playing With The Weather (featuring QSH and Iskandar) by shinyklefkey. The new Chaldea Director's first swimsuit event: Goldolf: “I heard you need permission for leyshift so I came to see. What exactly is this? Swimsuit? Swordsmasters? Don’t do pranks more than twice a month. Or has the Japanese heat wave got to you that badly? Ah well, I do understand the wish for a summer vacation. A commander’s job is to ensure the subordinates’ welfare. No benefits, no labor, right? However, however, you see...” “AREN’T WE! IN AN EMERGENCY! SITUATION! RIGHT NOW!? Hasn’t the surface been wiped blank! Where are you gonna find a beach, let alone walking around in swimsuits?! Do you understand!? We ain’t gonna have a summer of our dream where we mess around in some five star resort, are we!” Gudao: “Got it.” Gol: “LIKE HELL YOU DID. YOU GOT NOTHING! Can’t have Swimsuit Swordsmasters if you don’t leyshift to America, how the hell am I supposed to swallow that ludicrousness!? I’m not swallowing that! You’re lucky I haven’t questioned your sanity!” Vinci: “Now now commander, calm down. There there~” Gol: “Telling me to calm down is one thing but stop patting my belly already...” Vinci: “C’mon, haven’t things been like that always? As long as there is a wish to a Holy Grail-equivalent of magical resource, a singularity can emerge. It juuuust happens to be Swimsuit Swordsmasters in America this time. What’s so strange about that? Gol: “... ... hey, am I that guy? Am I the crazy one here?” Holmes: “Ha. Ha. Ha. Well then Commander, you will grant permission, won’t you?” Gol: “Why can you smile with such a straight face... SCARY! YOUR SMILE IS SCARING ME!” Upon arriving at Las Vegas: Siegfried: “This city is false. Everything here is formed from the battle of the Swordsmasters. This city is not unlike a battlefield itself. I feel the call of battle rousing my blood. It’s not within myself, but this Heroic Outfit is speaking to me” Hoku: “(this guy is so cool! I wanna imitate him...) y-yeah, I also feel excited. It’s not me. It’s the swords speaking to me.” Sieg: “I see, you too are burdened by the whispers of the swords. Must be painful.” Hoku: “(No good, too cool! I might be taken away if I let my guard down! No, I can’t let this get to me yet! I still need to become the best swimsuit swordsmaster! I’ll defeat anyone, ancestors, please watch over me!)” Mashu: “why is she all silent now...” Sieg: “she’s facing her destiny. Let us treat her gently.” Mashu: “r-right.” Gudao: “destiny...” Sieg: “that’s right, destiny.” Hoku: (tremble furiously!) Sieg: I understand. Her trembling stance is what the orientals call the battle trance! Hoku: (this man, how much more is he going to make me shaken!?) Hoku: Hehe. (playing cool) Sieg: What a fearless smile. As expected, donning four swords is naught a matter to you. Hoku: (blush more furiously!) Sieg: Oh, she’s in a battle trance again... “The sunlight, the tan, the wet skin, the cute little boys! Summer is the best!!!” (Musashi, being an open onee-san, 2019) Apparently Musashi has been trekking on foot half a day from Grand Canyon to Las Vegas. “No udon, no burger, just walk and walk and walk...” And then she is ashamed to show up in front of us (because event spoiler blah blah blah) so... “H A I, K O N I C H I W A, tourists-S A N! I’m just a regular American Heroic Spirit D E S U!” Sieg: “you’re American...?” Musashi?: “Y E ~ S U! Check out this W E S T E R N bikini, perfect as a cowboy gunman right? K A T A N A & P I S T O L double wielding! O H Y E A A A!” Guda: Option 1: nope nope nope nope nope nope Option 2: nope nope nope nope nope nope And this little gem: Gudao: A bunny suit? / Umm, aren’t you supposed to be a Swimsuit Swordsmaster too? Bunny king: I am Swimsuit Lion King. The great owner of the Casino Camelot. There is no mistake. Why because, my suit... is water resistant.
HIMEJI SURVIVAL CASINO
Anne and Mary scene where Kotaro is able to record their battle tactics (that you definitely want to read): Gang member: wheeze… wheeze… wheeze Finally caught you now. Damn cheeky girl, took me ages to track you down! (perverted laughs) But it was worth it hehehee… Anne: Kyaa~ Don’t~ (monotone) What kinds of depravity would you subject me to? Gang member: What do you mean, what kinds… Hiihiihii, don’t play dumb! Samurai: (menacing giggles) Kukuku… It goes without saying… (WHIPS OUT KIARA P0RN!) We’ll have you read out loud this phantasmal book “Compilation of the Eiten School’s Dharma of Sensations!” Anne: (dumbfounded) Samurai: Of course, you have to read this in a tsundere-like voice that hides the inner ZUKKON LOVE of an osananajimi love interest, understand! Anne: (What the heck is ZUKKON) (TL: “zukkon” means “madly in love”) Anon Warrior: Ah, then I would like to request an onee-san voice pleeze. Lemme explain, you see, I recently became a working adult, and everyday feels like a constant grind full of social responsibilities… So-how-about-a-scenario-where-I’m-a-high-schooler-who-lives-alone-for-some-reason,-then-this-onee-san-would-cling-to-me-and-rant-with-beer-in-her-hand:-“Working-life-sucks~-But-how-can-a-kid-like-you-understand~”-But-when-I-protest:-“Don’t-treat-me-like-a-child!”-she-would-go-ara-ara-fufufu~-then-turn-towards-me-with-a-charming-smile-no-bratty-high-school-chick-could-pull-off-and-whisper-playfully-into-my-ear:-“Want-me-to-treat-you-like-an-adult-then? ♡”-pretty-please! Gang member: You turn into a real motormouth as soon as people ask you about your delusions… Samurai: My bad. Pretend you didn’t hear anything just now. Mary: (dash into the scene!) Seriously! You got me lost in that lengthy rambling too! Mob enemies: Wut!? (promptly get ambushed) Anne: Umm lemme see lemme see… “Indeed. Let us head to the temple.” Mary: Please don’t read that book for the love of God. Gang member: W-Wait… Why do you guys have more members…? Mary: I act as Anne’s equipment. So we’re two people, but still one Servant. Yaaaay. (cute grin) Gang member & Samurai: T-That’s cheating… (drop dead) Anon Warrior: …for the new lady who just appeared… a scenario where an osananajimi that I treated like an imouto who used to hang out with me plea… (dead) Mary: You wouldn’t stop until you die!? (blush) And about that request, why does it have to be an imouto… I’ll do just fine as an onee-san too! Anon Warrior: (crawl up from his grave with a shit-eating grin) Mary: One express ticket to hell for you! (kick him away) After Kotoro’s recording stops, Gudao has an option to respond: “Nevermind their tactics, can I know who that cultured Anon Warrior is?” Later, to trick Anne and Mary using their own tactic, Gudao also disguises himself as equipment to act as baits for the 2 thirsty pirate onee-san. Mashu: Are you going to be okay, Master… Gudao: Please pick up my bones after they finish me. mUSAshi: You’ll be fiiiiine. Neither meat nor bones will go anywhere! Execution stage: Mary: …h-huh? Master! What are you doing here? Gudao: I’m lost… Mary: Geez, you’re hopeless. Wait, if you’re here then you’re also a player right? …huh, equipment? I see, just like me… (blush) Yeah that makes sense. If I fit, then Master should also fit… But… playing the role of equipment… alone all by yourself… Mary: Hmmm~ (scoot closer) Hmmm, mmm hmmm~ (scoot much closer) Anne: (barge in) Hey, I found you! Mary: (startle!) Yikes, Anne! Anne: Hmph! It’s unfair to steal a move on Master in secret. Mary: I’m not doing anything like that. To begin with, aren’t you supposed to be our lookout? Anne: Teehee~ :D I heard Master was in the bamboos, so I just acted on my own without thinking. Mary: Aww, what am I going to do with you :D Welp, all the more fun with just the 3 of us here! Anne: I know right ♪ Anne: (thirsty mode ON) Let’s. Get. It. On. Then ♡ Master, you’re supposed to be equipment, right? In other words, it’s natural to treat you like our belongings, right? Ah. Non non. Of course we won’t go rough on you. We’ll juuuuust gently… Mary: (invade personal space) Hug you… Anne: (invade personal space) And press our cheeks on yours… Mary: (dominate personal space) And do things we normally can’t do with you… Anne: (dominate personal space) Do them lots and lots and lots ♡ Mary: Now, keep your eyes closed okay, Master? ♡ Gudao: Guys… look… The girls: ? Gudao: Sorry. And then of course you gotta beat them up cuz god forbid we ever get laid. MechaEli: (landing down) I have confirmed the tournament announcement. So Mary and Anne have been defeated, right? Gudao: Since when can you fly!? MechaEli: Since forever. This skill was installed as soon as I was manufactured. This is better than summoning the sea with some Noble Phantasm right? (Getting flashback of dolphin railgun: Jeanne: “Yaaay~ I’m gonna filled the world with dolphins! :D” Reese: “DO PHI PHI PHI PHI PHI PHIN!” – translation: incredibly foul-mouthed dolphinspeak that mustn’t be transcribed) Gudao: ...Yeah, you got a point.
PHARAOH CASINO
(For this part I just wanna comment that Schez takes up the role of the security chief of Pharaoh Casino to help Nito who is currently being possessed by Medjed-sama. Brown girl finally grew a spine for her friend 😭) Gucchan just came out of a date with Xiang from the casino when Carmilla suddenly asks her to join Gudao’s band of phantom theives, so she just beats you up. But then we win instead so she’s like “fine fine what the hell do you want to talk me into”. Carmi: “I know from my research, you lost a big sum in the casino just now right? The lover date just barely healed the salt. Don’t you want to get back at them? This heist will benefit you, because you see, what we’re after is the arrogance of a concept like casino itself.” Gu: “...yeah, now that you mention it, what rubbish. Casino or whatever, rubbish. Why would I have to humiliate myself in puny humans’ rules for play pretend? Getting them back for making fun of me in front of Xiang-sama... very well, such detour may be fun” (cute fang grin) Gudao: (Oops, paisen / She’s surprisingly...) Hoku: Hey hey, wassup with this girl, she’s surprisingly easy to fool! Mashu: No Hoku-san blurting that out is no good! Be flexible, Gu-san! Flexible! Well, their plan to infiltrate the Casino is actually making Gu explode into a bloody mess to scare Schez off. Planning stage: Gu: “So what’s the big plan? As long as it’s not on the level of “No choice but to self-destruct right here!” that some purple-headed strategist’s been doing lately, I’m fine with anything.” Carmi: “...” Gu: “Say something! You’re pissing me off!” Execution stage: Gu: “excuse me, I feel ill...” Schez: “oh no, this is not good ma’am! We must give you medical assist right away or else you might die...” Gu: “...now that I look at it, this place is filled with nothing but white and slippery-looking guys (Medjeds). Wouldn’t it be more fitting to have strong intimidating guys around? This is too all-age for what I’m about to do. Schez: ?? Gu: “I feel ill, ah really ill... Wait this is exactly what that strategist likes to do isn’t it! Hey what the hell I’m pissed!” Carmi: (psst! Stick to the plan!) Gu: “OH YEAH YEAH FINE I’M THE KIND OF WOMAN ONLY GOOD FOR THIS SORT OF THINGS RIGHT HUH?! EXPLODE RIGHT, I JUST GOTTA EXPLODE IS THAT IT?! Fine, here we go. [ETERNAL LAMENT!]” (Splat! Blood rains everywhere) Schez: I-I’m going to dieeeeee! Wait she dieeeeeessss??! And then later when they bait Cleo out she’s all like what the hell is with all the ruckus and why the hell are the patrons screaming “meat...! meat...!”
SUITENGU CASINO
Assassin Creed: Lip edition #1: Carmi: “QP farming is for plebs. I’m staying in the hotel for beauty treatment. Rather, why would you ask a phantom thief to do anything but to steal. I have no business with Sutengui. “There are no hidden treasures in Sutengui. Only the sound of cheering and empty holograms...” That’s what my Mistress Sensor has whispered to- (rocket punched, dead) Lip: “Failed to detect a surprise attack from behind... is your sensor only good for detecting jewelry? Were you really an Assassin? That’s what you get for wearing a swimsuit not your age... I mean for turning into a Rider.” Assassin Creed: Lip edition #2: Okkie: “GO GO GO! You’re dumb for running alone! No mercy for you, assault from 3 sides! Yep yep, survival games are the best! Sorry Maa-chan, I gotta stretch my limbs sometimes! To begin with, isn’t Sutengui like, that evil casino run by Lambda? There is definitely an evil aura well hidden there... even Hime can see darkness there... Kurohi (black Kiyohime? Third ascension?) said “it’s kinda scary” too... Ah well, today Carmi and Nero let me loose so I’m just gonna de-stress in the woods~! Ora ora, your back is wide open! You’re 10 years too early to join the battlefield beibii!” Lip: “Same goes to you tho. Must be because your belly fat causes you to get slow.” Okkie: “Whaa!? Whatcha mean, I took boxing class and went on a diet properly to prepare for summer you kno- (rocket punched, dead) Lip: “You talk too much. If you’re aiming, keep your breath down and be quite. Were you really an Assassin? I don’t think you can join the cool Archer club with that much meat on your belly...” Assassin Creed: Lip edition #3: Fuuma: ... Lip:... Fuuma: ... Lip:... Fuuma: ... Lip:... Fuuma: ...excuse me. You’ve been following me for quite some time, anything you wanna say? Lip: ... sigh. Assassin class is truly cunning. Noticing me tailing like that... I just wanted to put you down gently... (not sure if rocket punches are considered gentle 🤨) that would have been a hat-trick... could you please read the mood here...” Fuuma: (...but man, that’s really some dress she’s wearing... I can’t look straight... sasuga Vegas... no calm down Koutaro, calm as still water... at times like this, lord Kintoki would keep his cool and look straight without fail...!) (pretty Kinbro would just go beet red too tho) Fuuma: Sorry but I’m in a hurry so I can’t dawdle here. Maybe if there are taxis around... Lip: Oh that won’t be necessary. I have class advantage against Assassin after all ★ Fuuma: A giant...!? (about to say “fist” but he ded) After capturing our Servants, Lip leaves us a threat letter: “I have to wonder how you’d challenge Sutengui with such lame Servants. The “distiny” of annoying flies are to be squashed flat. I’ll be using the three I captured at the beachside. PS: Splitting watermelons is fun.” Then you find out she actually buries those three in the sand to play watermelon splitting with their heads… Lip: At the moment due to some circumstances Melt has turned into a Lancer, so I would prefer that only Saber people would beat her to a pulp. Fuuma: Umm, aren’t you guys sisters? Carmi: What are you on about. This is what siblings are like. Fuuma: :C (Aren’t family members supposed to get along!?) Hoku: Saber class is fine right? Then no need to worry, I’ll take her on! Leave this to us. There is no need for you to concern yourself anymore. Lip: No role for me to play anymore? Isn’t this kind of situation where you recruit me into your party! Right, Gudao? Gudao: If we leave her alone, it might be dangerous... / Lip is definitely our trump card. Lip: Rogue! Passionlip will do her best! Given enough time, I can turn anything into a cube. If push comes to shove, the whole casino can just go poof! Okkie: Yep, she’s a monster. On our side or not the level of danger is the same, Maa-chan T__T Announcer: Welcome to Sutengui. We’ll now perform belonging inspection. Please spare the time to cooperate with us. Gudao: it’s dark... / security is strict... Mashu: yeah... if we don’t hold hands in this darkness we might get separated... Sieg: (boing~) Where are you Hokusai? Are you there? (boing~) What is this smooth and elastic material that the more you hold it the more your hand digs in... (boing~) the texture is so soft, if I have to say... don’t tell me this is... (boing~) the breast muscles...? Hoku: Dummy, that’s Octodad, stop grabbing his head! You can stop holding onto my belt now! After getting out of the dark security check, Siegfried has squid ink on his face... Melt’s casino is pretty hardcore. It converts your EXP into slot tokens without asking and if you lose you’re basically EXP food for Melt. Looks like the day before Gudao gang gets to Sutengui, Blackbeard and Columbus gambled their EXP away and died. Bart: Each coin here is worth 1 million QP. Instead of fraud, they just play big. Returns are big too. If you get a triple the slot machine will eject 10 coins, a jackpot 1000. Do you know what this means? Hoky: Each coin a million... then 1000 would be like, 10 billion QP!? Sieg: No, on the other hand... we could lose 1 million QP in exactly 3 seconds!? Gudao: This woman makes 1 million QP a second...! / This man loses 1 million QP a second...! Koutaro being too much of an good guy: Fuuma: That Alterego (Protea) must originally be a kind hearted girl, she’s just been deceived by that evil factory manager. If we defeat that rider, there shouldn’t be a need to fight her anymore! Columbus: ?? ??? After we kick Columbus’ ass: Protea: uu~ mister factory manager was too noisy, that woke me up...~ but he already kicked the bucket...? He didn’t even seem like he put up a fight... but I’m glad everybody else is okay! ... so let’s p l a y a w h o l e l o t, o k a y? Even if I make a little mess, Melt will fix it for me! Fuuma: Huh!? Shouldn’t she be a good girl at heart?? Gudao: To begin with why would you even have that kinda idea / (oh, right, he didn’t know she went nuts on the skate ring earlier) Melt’s plan getting sabotaged and her losing her cool is funny xD Melt: The day has finally come... In just an hour everything will be mine. Though some little things remain, everything must come to an end. A star is destined to retired as a star. A bird never fouls its nest before abandoning it. For a swan like me, this is the perfect way to end things. ... Hehe, hahahahahahaha! Ah geez, this is awesome! Nothing beats how happy I’m feeling right now! The biggest nuisance BB is gone, no other annoying boss characters left either! Yay! And then... Announcer: Fire broke out at the factory. The manager has run away. Protea, scouted to be the giant kaiju has been put down. Cannot compress EXP points to Melt-sama. Recommend starting all over. Melt: Hey Siri, come again? My brain couldn’t compute that just now. Announce: Repeat. You lost everything. Please redo the whole thing. Melt: .......that so. Well, what happened happened. No I’m cool, I’m perfectly cool. This is Gudao’s masterplan isn’t it. I expected no less. (menacing lip licking) But I still have my turn you know? Right now I’ll go upstage and drain each and every member of the audience. Should be enough of a level-up to beat you pests into a pulp, right? Announcer: I think you should say “Hey Siri, tell me the bad news” now. Melt: ...Hey Siri, tell me the bad news. Announcer: For some reason all the audience is gone. Currently, all Melt-sama has in your possession is a flat (read: pettanko) zero. Melt: Hey Siri, eat shit and die! Turns out the Gudao group shout to the audience that not only should they should leave because of danger, since Melt is unable to perform, they will instead host an equally beautiful “golden songs from Her Majesty Nero, or rather 10 songs, no make it a 3-day 3-night all-you-can-listen-until-you-faint show!” Nero: wow! To be able to convince the audience to leave so quickly, the MC must have conveyed my direction really well! Fuuma: (looks to me they’re running away in fear, but I should probably avoid pointing that out...) Part 2 will prolly cover Jeanne's dolphin railgun and Okita's ridiculous backstory :D
FunFair Tokenomics 2020 - FunFair's FUN token and how it aligns incentives across 6 distinct groups of stakeholders to create a compelling gaming platform
FunFair has come a long way since I started following the team in 2017, recently adding a Japanese casino (the fourth casino now in the network), in-wallet purchase of FUN with credit/debit cards, the removal of the need for ETH to cover gas charges, browser and device-independent play, an easy to use wallet and a raft of new games. Unlike many crypto projects where tokens were seen primarily as a fund-raising approach, the FUN token provides significant utility by coordinating the activities and incentives of the six stakeholder types within the FunFair ecosystem:
FUN Token Holders
Casino Players
Affiliates and Referral Partners
Licensed Operators and White Labels (Casinos)
Game Developers
Gaming Regulators
For me, the FUN token is THE perfect example of a project where the token has significant utility in aligning incentives across disparate stakeholders and is a poster child for effective tokenomics. Here's my personal view on the value propositions and incentives for each of these groups:
The FUN token is a standard ERC-20 token and is thus easily managed on a wide variety of Ethereum hardware and software wallets
FUN is traded on major exchanges such as Binance (International), Uniswap, etc. and is thus quite liquid
FUN is a non-inflationary token - there will only ever be 11 Billion FUN tokens and 4.45 Billion of those are held in cold storage and not expected to ever be used
All of the 2.29B Founders tokens have long been unlocked, thus there is no ongoing selling pressure from those allocations
As players play, a portion of the FUN tokens representing the house profits are ‘singed’ - that is, they are sent to an address that effectively takes them out of circulation. This is slightly different from the tokens being burned (irretrievably destroyed) but has a similar result in that they are no longer available for trade or purchase by anyone.
Scarcity of FUN (and therefore it's presumed value) will also be driven by more and more Casinos coming online and needing to establish their own bankrolls
FunFair has stated that they want to support FUN Staking - which would allow FUN token holders to lock their FUN tokens up in a smart contract and form part of a communal bankroll that could be used by new Casinos leveraging the FunFair platform. These token holders would then share in the house profits generated from that bankroll. There has not been any specific date given for rolling out this feature but the community is excited about it and the team has come up with a technical approach for implementing this.
Great visibility as to the current statistics for the FunFair network, due to the excellent FunStats.xyz
Casino Players
Each FunFair-powered Casino offers a broad selection of fun, engaging, high-quality games, playable on any device / any browser (including mobile) - no need for metamask, etc. - including Blackjack, Roulette, Baccarat, Cho Han, Dice, a wide array of slots, and many unique titles
Available to over 4.5B players worldwide across 40+ countries under FunFair's Curacao gaming license - with more countries coming when additional gaming licenses granted
A functionally equivalent (and still fun!) showcase site that gives ANY player worldwide access to all the games FunFair has in their portfolio, using TESTFUN instead of FUN. TESTFUN is freely given using an in-wallet faucet - so play as much as you like!
Newbie-friendly approach to crypto provides an integrated browser-independent wallet that includes easy backup/restore and familiar username/password style access
Easy purchase of FUN tokens right from within the wallet using credit / debit cards and crypto-to-crypto conversion
Rapid KYC means that you can get approved once, typically within 60 seconds or less, and then play on any FunFair powered Casino
Signup promotions and welcome packages give you some instant free FUN to play with
No need to wait for deposits to be available - all funds are instantly playable
No need to request withdrawals - you retain full control of your funds at all time - the Casino never has control of them
No need for separate ETH - Each Casino pays for all Ethereum Gas charges - all seamlessly
House funds to cover even the largest wins are always held in the smart contract during play - no need to worry that the house won't pay out when you win big
Automated dispute resolution means that when issues arise they are dealt with in a timely, objective and automated manner
The games are provably fair and ’cheat-proof’, secured by the blockchain - which means that players don’t need to worry whether the implementation of each game is legit - everything is recorded and verifiable on the blockchain - and is driven by provably fair (random) random number generation.
FunFair’s innovative ‘FateChannels’ (their version of the State Channel concept) means that games have all of the advantages of provably fair blockchain-based gaming, but have the performance and quick play of modern games (thus the ‘Fun’ in ‘FunFair’)
Allows consistent implementation of Responsible Gaming policies network wide - take a break whenever you need to
Affiliate and Referral Partners
Easy signup process that is available to any person, anywhere - even if you do not reside in a jurisdiction currently approved for gaming
Get paid on ALL wagers made by players you refer - for the lifetime of each player recruited
Fees are paid to you whether the players win or lose - based on the statistical house edge
Provably fair - all affiliate and referral payments are recorded on the blockchain and fully verifiable
Instantaneous payouts in real-time - no need to worry about waiting for monthly payouts or anyone else being in control
Licensed Operators and White Labels (Casinos)
Easy white label approach lets you leverage FunFair’s existing gaming license(s) - get up and running quickly
FunFair has now received an Isle of Man Token-Based Software Supplier license - making it easy to adopt the platform for IoM license holders
Ability to run under your own gaming license if preferred
No need for expensive gaming servers
All the KYC/AML is performed by the platform - no need to hire expensive compliance staff
Broad selection of high-quality games with quick play that drives engagement
No need to worry about chargebacks, payment processors dropping you without notice or other payment / financial risks
Built-in credit / debit card support, along with crypto-to-crypto conversion makes it easy for players to bring funds into their wallet without each individual operator needing to set up their own payment gateways or exchanges
Your bankroll is protected from hackers by being secured within a fully audited smart contract
Automated dispute resolution means that when issues arise they are dealt with in a timely, objective and automated manner
CRM marketing support from FunFair to help you stay engaged with your audience, drive promotions, etc.
Affiliate and referral networks lets you harness your community and existing affiliates to drive traffic
New FF-powered Casinos can market to a base of previously KYC'd players
Localization support allows you to create a local language casino for any geography
FUN staking in the future will allow you to establish a Casino with little upfront investment, leveraging a communal bankroll - take as little or as much risk as you wish and share in the profits accordingly
Game Developers
Fully published API and documentation (timing tbd)
Easy approval process (timing tbd)
Sample code for standard categories (slot machines, etc.) (timing tbd)
Great support for interested 3rd party developers
Current 3rd party developers include Big Wave Gaming with the popular titles Cho Han and Five Fruits
Set your own revenue share approach - you decide how much you should keep
Games made available to all FunFair-powered Casinos (individual Casinos can opt in/out to specific games)
Provably fair payouts - recorded and fully verifiable on the blockchain in realtime
Gaming Regulators
FunFair allows straightforward verification that the games used by a given operator are provably fair
Provides an automated dispute resolution mechanism
Facilitates verifying appropriate KYC / AML laws, including age, identity verification, source of funds, etc. are being consistently enforced for each jurisdiction
Allows consistent implementation of Responsible Gaming / Vulnerable Player policies network wide
The non-custodial nature of FunFair means Operators cannot abscond with player funds or delay withdrawals, a common source of player complaints
As you can see, the value to each stakeholder is considerable - especially when compared to the current legacy technology - which is why I'm bullish that FunFair will be successful in achieving its mission of truly reinventing this industry. What do you think? Do you see other value props? Let me know and I'll add them to the list!
Full list of upcoming games on the Nintendo Switch (US) (Updated 4/18/2020)
Console exclusives (games that are also on PC and/or mobile, but not on other consoles) in Italics. Nintendo exclusives (games that are only on Nintendo platforms) in bold.
(Note: TBA Dates and Missed Release Dates in comments) I miss anything? Mis-marked exclusivity? Have an official source with updated info? Let me know!
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