Rachel Schneider
ENG 477
Date 1/11/2021
Marsha Blackburn
A Writing Portfolio
I want to write my own fiction stories one day; I have had a book or two swimming around in my head so I will put the computer to good use and get that typed out one of these days. In this instance I chose my 5 stories and even though one is a marketing inquiry I had fun writing it, so here are my things and some background some of them.
Resume: It is a basic one because my photo ones were not particularly good, and this is an honest resume besides the ones I made for class and I did fudge on those.
Cover letter: I made up the cover letter though there is a penguin Books but it is always fun to use your imagination!
Hike with Drew: I got the concept from a Writer’s Digest and entered it into a contes I never got a response but good practice.
Short Story Vegas: Was one I did for another class but in here I changed it and the story was much better the second time.
Marketing Flyer: This was fun to do those are stock photos of the dogs and squeaky toys, but I like Pit Bulls and dog toys are fun as well.
Scott part 1-This is a story I am working on with another writer, warning its very sexy and some naughty words are in there as well.
Writing Samples: I made these three samples up one day because as I have looked for writing work, I have seen people want a sample of your work, so I came up with these.
Rachel
Schneider

3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501 📷
951-743-8911 📷
[email protected] 📷
Rachel Schneider 📷
Rachel7Tori-Twitter 📷
📷

Objective
To get a career going in the fiction/short story writing industry my imagination can run with any scenario and to write is to live.
📷

Education
Bachelor of Arts in English | Grand Canyon University
2017 – 2021
Took 15 different writing courses, creative writing and even two fun marketing classes all to polish up my craft. Carried a 3.0 GPA and did the courses all online as well.
No Degree Obtained | Riverside Community College
June 1994 – December 1996
Took these college courses but did not finish got 32 Units of Child Development Courses though which is what I was going for
📷

Experience
Cafeteria Worker 1
2008 Currently Employed.
Cook, Prep, serve food in a middle school setting, also clean, count inventory and do next day prep, cash handling and POS register experience.
Bell Ringer | Salvation Army
November 2007 – December 2007
Rang bell and collected donations for the salvation Army in front of various stores during the holiday season.
📷

Skills
Food handlers Card
CPR First Aid certified

Grammar Proficiency
Spelling Proficiency
Can work from home
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Activities
Have good use of social media and can help update or bring in new followers with my creative writing side. Have a Reddit account as well with 30 stories up on that site. Can speak a little Spanish and Hebrew as well.
951-743-8911
[email protected]
3867 Houghton Ave Riverside CA 92501

Rachel Schneider

Writer

Penguin Books

Dear JENNIFER MCGREGOR,

1/21/2021
Jennifer McGregor
Fiction Publisher
4587 Tropicana Rd.
Las Vegas NV 89102

I have included my resume for the short story writer for young adult novels. It has been a few years, but I currently work in a middle school, so I do see all the angst and sass that goes with being a young teen. I do hope my writing samples can help me move to the top of the list. I look forward to working with Penguin Books and letting kids know being a teen is hard at first, but it does not last forever.
Sincerely,
Rachel Schneider
Rachel Schneider
3867 Houghton Ave
Riverside CA 92501
It had been a long cold winter Drew and I could not get out for a morning hike till today. Being 75 degrees, we did not have to wear many layers. He is an extremely sweet inquisitive boy who always asks a lot of questions. Why does moss grow on the north side of trees” he asks? Its times like this when it would be nice to have my husband here, but he is overseas where the work is. “well, it’s not just the north side it’s on the shadier side because that is where the moisture is.”
On we went looking at snails on the ground watching the deer pass by along a ridge. Being quiet as to not startle them. “Mom he whispered it’s a bunny den they are coming out for food, he leaves a few carrot and lettuce scraps from last night’s dinner. I walked down the path and spotted some glorious Blue Jays and a Downey Woodpecker. “Listen Drew the woodpecker is getting the bugs out of the trees.” My sweet Drew was staring at the Bunnies, they are cute and fluffy after all. We followed our path down further after the bunnies went back to the den.
The skies were getting cloudy, so I hoped the rain was not going to come back. Though the weather report said there was a chance. My little explorer with his school uniform on was undeterred, I wish I could wear shorts on a 75 day and not be cold, it is always nice to be young. Walking along our path we spot some squirrels running in circles around the tree. “Why do the chase each other like that” Drew asks. “Maybe it’s a game for them like ring around the Rosie.”
On we trek to our favorite stream where the deer family are taking their drinks. I tell Drew we cannot skip stones right now we do not want to scare them. We look through the grass for more of his favorite bugs, saw some worms just below the dirt by a tree. Looking up we see a big spider web being made between two branches. The crows were making their calls in the distance. We are finally able to skip our stones in the stream. He gets some great skips going, and we collect some new rocks for our little garden back home.
Walking past the stream we climb up the embankment and up along the ridge where we see a Fox off in the distance. He or she walks the opposite direction we are going so it is a relief we can continue to the clearing. Where there are more bugs, rocks, and Bunnies. We pass the Deer family as they run up the hill to were, they mostly frolic or maybe they live up there. We stop for a snack of Apples, Almonds, and some cheese sticks. When we were finished Drew put a couple of slices in his pocket to feed the Bunnies, I am sure.
“Mommy we’re getting to the clearing now we can see the Bunnies and the last time Daddy, and I were here I got some neat rocks too.” Drew told ne enthusiastically, I did love his passion for nature, though again my husband is much better at the nature stuff. I am a pastry Chef ask me about desserts and I am your woman, about why moss grows on trees and hello Google. Since Dad is unavailable, I step in and let him explore and see the world outside of the house and off the screen.
It is just another half mile and it is on to the clearing. He starts to pull me hand a little harder I know he is excited. We pass under the tree I glance up and see the Fox again. Then we stop and see “Daddy home……
Name: Rachel Schneider
Course: ENG 361
Date: 4/14/2020
Instructor: Debbie Graves
One Week In Las Vegas
The countdown started Friday at 2pm I got the week off from this thing I call a job (just over broke). The car was packed, it was time to hit the road. The traffic was average and climbing the Cajon Pass was not that bad. I stopped in Baker to have my favorite meal at Bob’s Big Boy, the chili spaghetti, no onions. After making my way back on the highway the traffic picked up going out of Baker, through to Primm and Stateline. I had to stop for gas at Whiskey Pete’s, so I also went in and got some snack goodies. My favorite trail mix and some cheese potato chips because vending machines are too expensive. The road was beckoning so off I went, traveling through Jean is always nice, not much to see. A prison, a few remaining casinos, some outbuildings, and a truck stop. There slogan was always fun 40 smiles closer than Vegas. You can get bored so be sure to pack some music you can have your own car concert. “I’ll face it with a grin I’m never giving in, on with the show” (Show Must Go on by Queen)
Finally, the Vegas skyline is in sight, the lights are not on yet, but they will be needing to navigate around the strip. I do say a few words the terrible drivers. This vacation was so needed my job is crazy, my kids are older now and do not need mom around anymore. Off they went to grandma’s house and I booked the week at the Delano, it is attached to the Mandalay bay so perfect access to all the fun of the strip, and just enough luxury to not look cheap. Getting the valet to take the car I check into my genuinely nice room I have a great view of the Luxor light (that comes off the top of the hotel) and the Excalibur. Now off to indulge in that genuinely nice bathtub and get some overdue reading done. My bathroom with a view has the Luxor light and that is the brightest light on the Vegas strip it comes right out of the top of the Pyramid shaped hotel. A brightness of 42.3 billion candela, you could read a paper from 10 miles straight up if you wanted to.
Once I was well soaked and finished with my chapters it was time to find something to eat besides my snack foods. After cruising the room service options, I settled on some Mexican food of chorizo and eggs with nice corn tortillas. That hit the spot so with the extra energy it was time to get out for a stroll of the property. The indoor pool is nice but small and I want to soak up the sunshine and get some exercise so I shall hit the outdoor pool tomorrow. Back in the lobby I grab those ads for things to do in the city so I can plan out the rest of my trip. There are thousands of things to do in Vegas. Do not be disappointed if you do not get everything done, that is what the next trip is for. I have a beautiful week and I want to have a good time and not have to wait for anybody, I can do what I want. I got those and cruised up through the lobby and toward the casino on my way there I saw a sign for a food and wine festival. With that guy Zac from the travel channel. Thinking hmm I did not know he was interested in food or wine. I went down and found my favorite penny slot game Lucky cat. After 15 minutes I came out putting 20 in and winning 500, so I called it a night and went to the bar to catch a hockey game and grab a fun fruity drink (I like tequila sunrise, (Tequila, grenadine, and cranberry juice). As I am rooting for the Golden Knights (local Vegas hockey team) I looked over to my left and there was Zac from the travel channel, and he likes hockey too this is awesome, and I am trying not to be a fan girl.
The game was in intermission and the Knights were winning so it was time for a new fruity drink so this time I turned around to get back to the bar and bumped right into Zac, boy was my face red. After some apologies and an offer to buy my next fruity drink (a Strawberry Daiquiri) it was a yes and I spilled that I was a fan. He told me he does have an interest in food and wine not just chasing ghosts with his crew. We had some great conversation and when the game came back on, we both sat in the booth cheering the golden knights to their victory. Now I am buzzed and standing up was going to be fun, but Zac was a true gentleman and helped me to my feet. He offered to buy me dinner. The Taco Hut was a good place the tortillas were fresh, and the company was so cool. The conversation turned to food, wine, travel, and some stuff about me. The midnight hour rolled around, and Zac had an early morning, so we said goodnight, but he was staying one floor above me, so we agreed to go to the diner in the lobby for breakfast or brunch. At 10am I was enjoying my company and this great stick to your ribs breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, hash browns and some great watermelon) The food offerings in Vegas are so varied you can get everything from a hot dog and beer for 1.99 at the Orleans, to a 5-star meal at Caesar’s Palace the buffets are great too. Although sometimes you want a nice sit-down dinner.
The conversation was effortless the attraction was deep. We made plans to see each other again after the food contest he was judging was over. Saying goodbye was a bit hard but the hand holding was sweet and made me feel like a schoolgirl again. After saying goodbye and I did watch him walk into the convention hall I went back to my room to plan out the rest of my day. I chose a tour of the Mob Museum, they say that Vegas was built with Mob money, but it was a Mormon founded town that later Hollywood discovered. Then many people in Hollywood who were well connected (such as East Coast mobsters) financed Bugsy Segal to build the Flamingo Hotel. As I was putting my shoes on, I got a knock on the room door and as I opened it, I got some flowers (pink roses) and an all-access pass to the food and wine festival courtesy of Zac. Let us just say the Mob Museum can wait for later I got to go to a food and wine festival and spend the rest of the week with Zac. “hi Zac thanks for the flowers it was sweet of you to remember.” He said, “It’s always right to remember a ladies flower preference because that’s the right thing to do.” Smiling the rest of the day I meet other travel channel celebrities and got to taste some great foods and many different wines. The food and wine offerings at the hotels and restaurants are varied, the Las Vegas area have become very international, so the varieties are endless.
The week went by in a blur of food, wine, conversation, and some sweet dates. I never thought I would get over the break-up that happened the week before. Getting a private Vegas tour was something completely special. I did get to see the Mob Museum, Mandalay Bay Fine Art Museum, seven magic mountains, Pinball Hall of fame and a private dinner at the food and wine festival. My days in Vegas were down to one. We had reservations at Rivera right here at the Delano the view is amazing, the food is impressive with Italian and French offers. “I have had a wonderful time this week Zac thank you for mending my broken heart.” He looked at me for a minute and said, “it’s been a pleasure to get to know you and I would not mind visiting your hometown, you always have a reason to come back to Las Vegas. The next food and wine festival is around Christmas, this one will include chocolate.” Hitting the 15 early the next morning I have visions of Christmas, a pass to the food and wine festival, also a brand-new relationship to take back home with me.
The End
When writing a short story, you want to keep it from rambling and have enough details to keep it fresh. When your reader gets into the story you want them to feel like they are there with you, going to the food and wine festival, on that hike through the seven-mountains or touring the mob museum. The details are the thing to see and make sure to watch out for punctuation and common language. An average short story is within 6,00 words or 24 pages. If you wanted too you could go short-short story and that is between 500 and 2,00 words. That comes out to be 6 pages (Minot, Steven Ch. 7 pg. 41), talk about short stories. The story is all your length and style matter as much as how you want it to come into focus.
Minot, Steven and Theil Daniel Three genres the writing of literary pose, poems and plays Ninth edition Pearson Publications 2012
Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium
August 18,2019📷📷
24755 Holly Grove Way
Brookings OR, 97415
Dear Dogs, Rule the World
I am Rachel Schneider from the Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium we make extra bouncy dog toys for our furry friends. We investigated different marketing companies and choose you to do our direct to customer marketing. The way the website is set up the customers can get the product’s directly from you is easier than a multi-level marketing plan. The distribution of Bouncy Dog Toy will be a one level channel, we will provide the toys you market, and we sell them. I would like to get some videos of our company dogs Mac and Stella playing with the toys so you can post on the website. A link for the company can also be included so the consumers know where the toys came from, what they are made of and any other facts about Bouncing Dog Toy Emporium.
Sincerely, Rachel V Schneider
Mac and Stella company dogs and testers 📷
📷 📷📷 📷A sample of our products, our bounciest toys.
Scott’s Story Part 1
I am Scott Thorn, and I am going back to WDU for the first time in 15 years, I went here for a year but after I came out as gay there really were no gay dudes. I am all men but yeah lesbians were all around some BI guys but no real gay dudes. I went back to the mainland and attended Preston University I majored in administration and minored in Literature. I did at one point in my life have a girlfriend and wanted to marry her, but I could not quash the gay lifestyle. That part of my life is over and now the old school offered me a counseling job, have not done this in a while. I get to help students toward there after college career.
I sit here on this boat and keeping an eye on my 75 Triumph I have some nerves, but it is mostly about seeing this place again, so as the boat pulls up, I get my bike going and make a stop at my new on campus apartment. Its west facing because I like sunsets more than sunrise, so I did not know it needed so much work. I have some handy skills but a little at a time. The kitchen is decent and so is the bathroom. The floors will need some polish and the deck needs to be stained, this is a duplex, so I hope the neighbors are quiet. It is furnished and done nicely so I cannot complain too much, but back on the bike to see the Dean.
I get my bike set with the kill switch and walk up the way to the Admin building, I am pretty much the only one dressed. I am wearing my good black jeans and my dress shirt, in my favorite color Maroon. I do remember this place was obsessed with sex so I will stick out wearing clothes, as I enter the building at least more admin people are dressed. Miss Grant the secretary shows me to my new office, its spacious much bigger that my last one at Preston where I shared a cubicle with another person. I have files from past students and current ones, so I started filing them when Dean Kane walks in, booty shorts and a tank top. “Welcome back to WDU Scott, we look forward to seeing you succeed you come very recommended.” I could hardly concentrate because this Dean was hung but I persevered and said, “Thank you sir I look forward to helping young students find there after WDU careers.”
After he left, I had to get my rise to settle then I continued filing and looking through some files. Clarissa Love that was a name that got around even all the way to Preston. I think she does the Jax in the bedroom or something like that. I started looking around and thought I need some life in this office so I asked Miss Grant about decorating and she said I could do what I wanted but no painting, so I went to town and checked out a flea market. I found some pictures of the beaches of Canada, some old homes in the area and a few movie posters from Rocky horror Picture Show (it is my favorite). The flea market said they will deliver to the school tomorrow so I told them I will be there at 9am.
Now with my day done I get to the store to buy some groceries and realize this place uses sextons and I was down to my last few, so now I will need to exchange but thankfully a bank is nearby so I can get some of my mainland money exchanged. I pull up to my new pad off load my few groceries and notice some other tenant left beer in the fridge, talk about luck. I got the beer went to the deck and watched the sunset over the sky. It was going to be new here, but I needed a fresh start after getting dumped and losing the job because my ex was in upper management, never will I do that again. I will find someone who does not work in the school system. After I ate a roast beef and cheddar sandwich for dinner, watched some cooking shows it was time for bed. As I was brushing my teeth, I heard the neighbors having sex. Oh, goody they are not quiet. hope they do not have super energy either. Tomorrow is my first full day and I have decorating to do, fantastic they stopped, that is the thing with us older people we do not fuck like bunnies anymore. As far as I know the neighbors are lesbians so who knows.
Sample 1- If I try my hardest, I could muster up enough courage to ask the prettiest girl in school to prom. I had a suit; bolo tie and I will shine my old boots up. The thing is my courage is not as strong as my best friend Nick, now there is one brave dude who just asked the girl I wanted to go to prom with and of course she said yes. I gather myself close my locker and put on my best smile for them both. Nick and I high five and I hug her, trying to be genuine but it is hard. I head to my Social studies class and sit down next to Megan she looks at me with some concern I tell her what happened, she then asks me to Prom…...
Sample 2-Wishing I did not have to be here I sit at the back of the funeral and think about my old high school principal. I grew up in a small town and everyone knew everyone, we only had one school and you went there for kindergarten through senior year. After my graduation I packed up my old car and headed out to what I thought was the real world. Living in a bigger city only helped spur my loneliness so who says you cannot come home again, well Mom for starters because I abandoned my family, I am not welcome at home ever again (so tired of her drama), so I am staying at Principal Mason’s house yes, the same principal that I am at a funeral for I held her hand as she lay there succumbing to cancer……
Sample 3-If you really want to get over a breakup getting back on the horse will help things along. I thought that too seven lousy dates ago so here I am on date number 8 and I am not seeing any birds singing or rainbows in the sky. He steps away to take a call he is a particularly important lawyer after all (I need to fix my picker) after he comes back, he says it go time the jury has come back so off he goes. I finish my drink and head back to my brownstone close by, I pass the new chocolate shop that just opened, and I get inside and see chocolate heaven. Looking around I do not see him at first but there he is my old college lab partner Sam I just saw a rainbow…….

A Vegas Miracle - how I won $129,000 in my 3rd tournament ever

This is how I won $129,000 in my 3rd ever poker tournament. Note: don't try this, it probably won't turn out well for you.
I spent about 6 months grinding up a $5,000 bankroll playing home/casino games ranging from .5/1 to 1/3. The week that I hit that $5,000 mark, Matt, one of my best friends from college informed me that his job had placed him in Las Vegas for the next month and that I could crash with him for a few nights if I wanted to come on out west. I had frequent flyer miles for the flight and some Mlife/Fremont hotel comps for the rest of the trip. My grand total for flight and lodging for 10 days came to $200.
Now, I’m not going to bore you guys with low-level cash hand histories. The next 10 days were filled with me playing lowstakes poker for 10-12 hours a day. It’s as fun as it sounds – it’s not. I was having a good time in Vegas otherwise – but towards the end of the trip I had a realization: 1/2’s the same everywhere. I didn’t have to fly out to the desert to raise to $7 preflop.
After 10 days, my grand total from poker (and a fair amount of dumb degenerate shit on Fremont) was -$186. That wasn’t what I came out to do — I knew that I was a better player than my recent results had indicated. The morning of my return flight, I decided I was going to play tournaments until I either busted my $5,000 bankroll or hit something worthwhile.
I impulsively decided to not get on my plane at 11:30am. Checkout time from Luxor was at 11:00 – and I didn’t know where I was going yet. I had 30 minutes to pack up my stuff and figure out where I was going before they’d charge me a fee. I sorted TripAdvisor by cheapest first – I’ve stayed in crappy hostels/motels before and overall am a very low maintenance person. I figured that by staying somewhere for $20 a night, I’d be able to maximize the amount of shots I could take before flying back home. I accepted that there was a real chance I’d go back broke – but I didn’t really care. If I didn’t take my shot now, then when?
I booked the cheapest bed in Vegas - a 6-person shared hostel just past the Stratosphere. Let's just say you get what you pay for — it was not a happy place. A fair amount of the people in there were bordering on homelessness and there was barbed wire surrounding their outdoor gym. In addition to this, I had the constant stress of knowing that all that separated my bankroll from the rest of my roommates was a tiny lock. I took the Deuce to the strip, lived off food comps, and turned down invites from my friends to hang out. I was in town to play poker, nothing else.
Disclaimer: I had never played tournaments prior to heading out to Vegas. My only knowledge of hand ranges was from watching televised events. I downloaded a free Nash chart app on my phone while on the Deuce to the strip and studied it for 5 minutes – whatever, I get the jist of it. Let’s play some cards.
The first day of doing this I played the $140 daily at the Aria. Top 13 spots paid -- I finished in 15th. It was depressing to say the least — I felt as if I was at rock bottom. Before the first night of sleeping at the hostel I called the airline to see if I could get on the flight that I had deliberately missed the day prior. I couldn't.
I made it my goal to at least cash something so that I could get a decent hotel room.
I couldn’t have slept more than 2-3 hours the first night there. One of my roommates was loudly vomiting all night, the sheets itched, and I was going through an existential crisis... like dude, you’ve got a finance degree and you’re really doing this shit?
While on the bus to the strip, I opened Poker Atlas and saw that there was a $200 satellite to win a seat into the $1,600 Venetian main event. I decided that I was going to go take a shot at that.
I was at risk twice in the satellite but after studying the GTO method on how to win coinflips, I persevered and won a seat to the main.
The first day was surreal – once again, I was running on minimal sleep due to my housing arrangements, but I remember the following hands from day 1:

Button opens to 2.2x, I’m in the BB with Q9cc. SB folds, we go HU to a flop of 832c. He c-bets, I call. Turn 4x, x/x. River Ax. I check, he bets, I x/r to like 3x his bet, he insta folds. I take it down and show air.
UTG+1 opens, MP calls, I flat on the button with K10ss. 3 ways to a flop of Qs43xx. UTG+1 bets 40% pot, MP calls, I call. Turn is the Js. UTG+1 bets 60% pot, MP calls, I flat. River comes the 8s. UTG+1 snap bets 80%. MP flats, I flat. I announce king high flush, they both muck.
Folds to the SB, he limps, I look down at Q10o, and check. Flop comes KQ6r. He leads 35%, I call. Turn 10. He bets, I call. River comes a J. He bets, I tank for about 45 seconds then flick in a call, he shows 76o… ship it.

The average stack after day 1 was around 40k, I bagged like 65k. I walked back to the Deuce stop outside of the Venetian and headed on my 30 minute ride back home. I kept thinking to myself, someone’s gotta win this thing, why not me?
I had to get in the money for this tournament to be able to get the fuck out of there. A min cash here was over $3k – that was more than enough for me to get a suite on Fremont for a few nights and party for a bit, then get home with my head held high.
Day 2: I get up at 7am after already being completely awake for the past 4 hours. There’s no way I slept more than 3 hours last night. I hit the Denny’s by the Stratosphere then get on the Deuce.
I get to the Venetian and feel like I’m about to fall asleep. I go to the self-serve coffee/tea dispenser in the middle of the room and make myself an iced coffee. I get to my table, and the cocktail waitress comes around. I ask for another iced coffee and toss her a fiver.
Here are some highlights from the 1st half of day 2:

I open 97ss on the button, BB flats. Flop comes AK3s. BB checks, I bet 35%. He throws out a 5k chip – which I interpret as a x/r to my bet. I groan, make a joke about it being the first hand of the day, and start to muck. The dealer stops my cards midway before hitting the muck, and informs me that he didn’t raise, that he called my flop bet. Everyone laughs, I go silent and wait for him to make change. Turn is the 2s. He thinks for a second and bets 30%. I tank for like 30 seconds, then flat. River is a blank. He thinks for a second, then checks. I bet like 30% pot. He tells me that I’m an angle shooter and mucks. I tell him I’m not an angle shooter and show my 9 high. Everyone laughs, we get on with playing.
CO opens, I 3b 87dd in the SB to 4x, he flats. Flop comes 1032d. I check, he checks. Turn is the 6d. I bet 55% pot, he flats. River comes the Kd. I bet 60%, he tanks, tells me he thinks I backdoored diamonds, then folds. Damn, these players are pretty good.
I open KK UTG to 2.5x, UTG +1 flats. Heads up to a flop of K43r. x/x. Turn 8, I bet 40% pot, he calls. River 3, I bet 80% pot, he tanks, then calls with AK.

I bring my 3 racks of chips to the new table and immediately get some comments – whatever, I’m just on a heater, it happens. At this point, my body was giving out. I was trying my hardest not to fall asleep in between every hand.
Cutoff opens, I’m in the SB, I look down at KK. I put in the 3b, folds back to him. He puts in a healthy 4. We’re the two big stacks at the table – I’d guess he was 50bb effective while I was around 65bb. God damn, am I good enough to fold kings here? No, I’m not. I shove, he snaps, I know that I’ve just fucked up my tournament. He shows the aces. The dealer puts a king in the window, and I hold. I’m for sure the chip leader now.
I lose a few 40/60 and 60/40 flips and chip down a bit. I still have a very healthy stack, probably around 80bb.
The next 3 hands are from the second half of day 2:

Aggro Asian guy on the button. Folds to him, he opens to 2.2x, SB folds, I look down at 43ss and raise to 7.5x, he flats.

Flop comes 894cc. I check, he bets, I call. Turn’s another 9. I check, he bets 75% pot, I call. River’s the 10c. I check, he bets 1.2x pot. I ask the dealer for a count of the bet – meanwhile, villain looks like he’s going to shit himself. I flick in a chip, he throws down KcQx. I laugh a little, show my 43ss, and obnoxiously say ship it.

I open KQo UTG+1, MP 3bets me. I figure that a 4b from UTG+1 could take it down a fair amount of the time, so I decide to go for it. He thinks for a second and flats.

Flop comes AK4r. I check, he checks back. Turn is a 6, goes x/x again. River’s another brick. I put in a 30% value bet. He does a little grimace and tanks for like 20 seconds. It looks like he’s going to fold so I start verbally telling him that his queens are good. The dealer informs me that you’re not allowed to talk about your hand to another player. I inform him that I’m not talking about my hand, I’m talking about villains’ hand. Dealer laughs and lets me continue to antagonize villain. MP starts talking back, asking if I’m really bluffing. I inform him that once he folds, I’ll show the bluff. He ends up calling, I snap show, he pays me then gets up from the table to go for a walk.

We’re playing 6 handed. UTG opens, MP flats, I flat TT on the button. 3 ways to a flop of AT9ccc. UTG bets 50% pot, MP folds, I put in a medium sized raise. He thinks about it and flats.

The turn is the Kd. He pauses for a second then checks. I figured AxKc was his most likely combo. I didn’t think he could fold AxKc to any sizing – I decide to overbet jam 2x pot. He tanks for like 5 min and eventually lets it go. He tells me later he folded AxKc. Nice fold sir.
I finished day two 2nd in chips out of the 64 players remaining. More importantly, I was in the money. My friend Matt offered to give me a ride to the hostel to grab my stuff.
On the way to the hostel I’m telling Matt how trash the place is and he’s kind of like yeah man, whatever, it can’t be that bad. We gather my belongings and head on out. Matt remarked to me that the hostel reminded him of jail mixed with a summer camp.
I open a same night hotel app and see a room at the Four Queens available for $110. The lady at check in was nice enough – however, she informed me that the only room they had available at my price point was a smoking room overlooking the Fremont St. experience. I paid the $20 to upgrade to a non-smoking in the quiet part of the hotel. Vegas man, I swear.
It’s like 2am at this point -- I get to my room, sit on the bed and close my eyes. I open them and it’s 11:00am. Ah fuck man, I gotta get to the Venetian. I hop in the shower, brush my teeth, and freshen up. Even if I don’t have clean clothes, whatever, I’m second in the main, who cares.
Some interesting hands from the first part of Day 3:

I had two inexcusable punts in this tournament. This is the first one: I open 5h5c from LP, BB calls. Flop comes J62hhh. x/x. Turn is a 4x. x, I bet 50% pot, BB jams 15bb. I called – and immediately realized I fucked up, big time. He had 2 big chips in his stack that I didn’t see, making his shove effectively like 25bb. In addition, I didn’t have the 5h, I had the 5d. I really didn’t ask for a count or double check my hole cards. Villain turns over 64o and holds. In my defense, I literally didn’t know what ICM meant at the time. Whoops.
Someone who I recognize from poker TV jams 22bb UTG. I’m in the CO with JJ, I ask him how much it is, he’s talkative and seems genuinely comfortable/down for me to call. I fold – I run into him a few days later at the Aria, he tells me he had AA there. I believe him.
CO opens, button instantly jams 30bb effective. I’m in the SB with TT and 25bb – live reads, we’re flipping. I call for all in my effective stack, CO folds, button has AQ. I hold. He’s not happy I called with tens. Oh well, sorry bro, gg.
MP opens, CO 3 bets to 7bb, button jams 20bb. I look down at 2 black aces in the big blind. I reshove, MP folds, CO calls off his 20bb stack. I’m up against AQ and QQ. I hold.

Even with my atrocious punt earlier in the day, I’m the chip leader again.
We’re down to about 15 left in the field. UTG opens, I 3b AKo on the button, he jams 20bb, I call. He has 99, a king comes on the flop and he’s gone.
It’s day 3 of the main and we’re playing 5 handed with 12 people left. Let’s fucking go.

Button opens to 2.5x, I’m in the BB with A8dd, I flat. Flop comes A104r, I check, he bets, I call. Turn is a 7, x/x. River A, I bet 1.2x pot. He tanks, calls, I show, I’m good.
CO opens to 2.5x, I’m in the BB with 108dd, I flat. Flop comes Kd4x2d, it goes x/x. Turn is a Kx, I check, he bets 60% pot, I flat. River is the 4d. I check, he bets pot. I tank and let it go. He tells me later he checked back a weak king on the flop.
SB completes, I’m in the BB with J9o and I check my option. Flop comes Q108r. The SB donks out into me for 60% pot. I flat. Turn comes a brick and he leads into me for 60% again. I raise to 3.5x his turn bet, he thinks for a while then flats. River is another brick. He bets 80% pot into me. I tank for a while, then shove. He starts laughing and folds QQ face up.

Less than a week ago I was grinding buffet comps at Planet Hollywood. Now I have guys correctly folding top set to me.
I’ve made it to the final table. I pick up a few small pots and the two shortstacks at the table get eliminated in quick succession.
This is without a doubt the most pointless and just plain out stupid punt of my entire life: I open J2dd on the button into a ~18bb SB and a GTO robot with mid 7 figures in career earnings in the BB. Don’t do this, this is quite literally lighting money on fire. SB folds, BB flats. Flop comes Kh8h3d. I cbet, BB calls. Turn is the Kd, goes x/x.
River comes a 7h, he leads into me for half pot. Whatever, I’m going for it – I put in a raise. He thinks for all of 5 seconds then calls me with KQh. Wow, I just punted away $50,000 in ICM. Jesus Christ dude, what the fuck.
For the next orbit or two, I’m clearly pissed at myself. I get up after my button and do a lap around the poker room – I’m good. The monkey tilt is gone, and I’m ready to get back to playing normal ranges.
Anyway, nothing else really happens for a while – I look down at AKo UTG and raise it up. Folds around to the BB, he thinks for a while, then jams for about 20bb. I snap, he has AQo. I hold. I’m now second in chips. We go on a 10-minute break.
When I get back to the table, the prospect of a 5-way chop comes up. We’re all tired – and the pay jumps are very significant. If you couldn’t tell from this story, I’m a degenerate, but in this spot, I’m willing to reduce variance a bit. We run the numbers and come to an agreement – we all agree to take a very slight ICM bump to give 1st place a bit more money than his stack is worth.
I just won $129,000 -- huh? This was my second tournament cash – not too bad considering that it was my third tournament ever. Maybe I should start learning how to play MTT’s now.
I take $124,000 in a check and $5,000 in cash. I’m leaving Vegas in 4 days and don’t plan on coming home with any of the cash.
The winner of the tournament’s a pretty cool guy and he asks if I want to crash in his guest room tonight… like yeah, if that’s a real offer, I’m down. I pick up my toiletry bag from the Venetian concierge and we hit the Uber.
The next morning Matt picks me up at his house – I hit the Chase bank and deposit the $124,000. I take Matt and my other friend, Spencer out to the Sterling Brunch over at Bally’s – the entire time, Spencer just kept repeating “Davis, what the fuck”. I don’t know dude, seriously, what the fuck.
I get a suite at the D downtown that night and (very) long story short I end up hitting $100 on a number at roulette at 5am. It’s time for bed.
Here’s a link to my Hendon Mob, verifying my tournament result. Hopefully I see some of you guys at the WSOP in 2021.
https://pokerdb.thehendonmob.com/player.php?a=r&n=783521
Davis

From The Halls of Montezuma to the Depths of Outer Space: The Long Deployment (conclusion)

From The Halls of Montezuma to the Depths of Outer Space: The Long Deployment (conclusion)
The rear ramp on the gunship shut with a clang just as the torpedoes detonated. The gunship was still in a nose dive to the ground when the concussive force of the blast created a shockwave which knocked the gunship off its terminal dive angle. Warning lights and alarms screamed inside the cockpit, but the rugged little gunship held together, despite the battering she had just taken. With one last heave, Jennifer pulled up on the stick with every ounce of strength that she had left. The gunship shot up, narrowly missing the black, jagged, landscape which seemed to rise up to meet them. Jennifer pulled the stick to the left, attempting to get past the periphery of the blasted black landscape and over to where the land was alive and green and beautiful.
“We’re clear of the anomaly!” Warrant Officer Nasri’s voice boomed into the intercom over the rising pitch of the thrusters. “Is everyone okay back there?”
“We’re a little banged up,” said SSgt Talley into the intercom speaker, looking down and frowning at the wet spot on her armor where Seashell Killary pissed herself. “But we’re fine. The medic is handing out boo-boo band aids and lollypops.”
“Okay,” chucked Nasri. “Where’s Lieutenant Gabriel?”
“Oh, uh, he’s hanging around, ma’am,” said Sgt. Hernandez.
“I see,” said Nasri. “Well, when he’s done farting around, let him know that we have comms with the Galveston City. They’ve got freedom of maneuver and are in orbit waiting to retrieve us. We should be docked in fifteen to twenty mikes.”
Lieutenant Gabriel hung upside down six feet above the deck of the cargo bay, his mag-locks holding him in place. His arms were wrapped tightly around Pfc. Chensi and he looked down at her, surprised to see her crying.
“You okay, Hitchiro?” he said. “Are you hurt?”
Chensi looked up at her platoon leader, wiping a tear from her eyes. “No, sir! I lost my flame-rifle! You know how much those things cost? I’ll never be able to pay for a new one with the shit that the corps is paying me!”
“You saved our asses down there,” said Gabriel. “We’ll buy you a new one!”
Chensi smiled weakly. “I’d rather have a promotion. Maybe a few days to hang out with you and Warrant Officer Nasri in Vegas?”
Lieutenant Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Will someone get this little turd off my hands so that I can get down from here?”
The USS Galveston City remained on station for an additional 48 hours over Willow’s World as the members of 4th Platoon underwent decontamination procedures. In that time, all of the platoons vid-cam footage was sent to the Fleet to be scrutinized and examined extensively by scientists, geologists, biologists, astrophysicists, and the clergy. The opposition politicians also wanted to examine the vid-cam footage as well to see if they could find evidence in which to convict the Marines (and, by association, their Commander-in Chief) of any heinous war crimes real or imaginary. With the USS Galveston City’s sensors functioning normally now that the entity had been weakened and its ‘beam-horn’ (as the Marines called it) was destroyed, the Galveston City was able to peer down into the dead area anomaly. The entity was still alive, alive being a relative term, and still stumbling around within the dead space which it presumably was responsible for creating. Apparently, the horned entity could not leave that area of dead space to set foot on the surrounding lush, living landscape. The prevailing theory was that the entity was not originally of this planet, having arrived sometime in the past and probably buried itself into the ground where it slowly began draining the life energy of its surroundings which, over time, expanded the deadness to over one hundred twenty miles in circumference. In the meantime, the entity had used its weird beam to snag any star ship which came into range and dragged it to its doom on the blasted rock formations below where the entity again fed off the life forces of those it had ensnared, reanimating the corpses whenever they were needed to do its bidding. Basically, it was a giant parasite.
Commander Travis had suggested using one of the Galveston’s tac-nukes on the creature, just in case it had the power to re-grow its beam horn again. But that was quickly shot down by the globo-corporations and their R and D departments who wanted to investigate the numerous wrecks of alien vessels which had been brought down in the dead space. They feared that a tac-nuke might damage the alien vessels which were no doubt holding advanced weapon development secrets that could benefit mankind.
For his part, Lieutenant Gabriel couldn’t care less. After they leave orbit and the K-Hawk gets underway for earth, Willow’s World and everything associated with it would be the USS Ranger’s problem. He was just happy that this deployment was finally over and that he would be returning with his entire platoon safe and intact. Oh, and that the two snot nosed VIPs were also safe and sound also, he guessed. They were both tucked away in Commander Travis’s own crew cabin since the corvette didn’t have an executive VIP suite. Groaning, Gabriel looked down at his data pad. He was sitting in the galley, enjoying a moment of alone time with a nice hot mug of coffee. He hadn’t even finished his report on the Mont Caberu mission and now he had to write a report about this one. Pfc. Chensi strolled up and sat across from him, setting down a tray of cereal on the metal table.
“Man, sir, these fleet guys know how to live,” she said, cutting up a fresh banana and strawberries to put in her cereal. “Maybe I joined the wrong branch?”
“You most definitely did not join the wrong branch, killer,” said Gabriel.
“I know,” said Chensi. “Oh, by the way, your eyebrows are growing in nicely, sir. Maybe you won’t look so hideous by the time we get back.”
Gabriel rolled his eyes up at her. “Is there a reason you’re sitting here picking on my eyebrows, Private?”
Chensi scooped a spoonful of fruit laden cereal into her mouth. “Yes, sir! Are you writing your report on our mission on Willow’s World?”
“I could be,” said Gabriel.
“Are you at the part when I dragged those two idiots… I mean, VIPs… up to the top of the wreckage and flamed all them dead things?”
“As a matter of fact,” said Gabriel, “I’m just getting to that part.”
“Great!” said Chensi. “Because I just wanted to make sure that you spelled the word ‘incinerate’ correctly.”
…
Jennifer Nasri stepped out of the shower, wrapped in one of the thick, soft, luxurious towels which made The Ultra Luxorious Hotel and Casino Complex towels the most stolen towels on the Las Vegas strip. It had been over forty days since they had successfully completed their mission to Willow’s World and three weeks after the USS Kitty Hawk docked at San Diego Orbital Naval Base before she and Samuel could finally start their three week vacation to Vegas. Yes, originally it was two weeks, but Seashell Killary had stunk up the cockpit of Jenn’s gunship again on the way back. Apparently, they only had caviar, sardines, and boiled eggs in that pantry they were trapped in for over a week. So naturally, Sam would have to cough up another week in Vegas. Secretly however, Jenn was hoping that by their third week in Vegas, Sam might get the hint that Jennifer Nasri-Gabriel had a nice ring to it. She walked from the steaming bathroom across to the Ultra Luxorious king sized bed with the thick, comfortable mattress.
Sam was lying in bed, already dressed in a red polo shirt and his favorite well worn faded blue jeans, waiting for Jenn to get out of the shower so that they could partake in what was fast becoming their favorite pastime since returning from over a year out in space: attacking the dinner buffet. Sam had the 74” vid-screen turned on to Galactic News Network. The image on the screen showed Seashell Killary wearing a tight fitting light blue pant suit combination standing together with Hunter Hyding, who was wearing a sharp looking black suit. The couple was on a large stage inside a crowded arena receiving medals, accolades and praise from their party leadership while thousands of people clapped and cheered. Red, white, and blue confetti fell from the rafters as veteran GNN senior reporter Runt Wolftard, the ‘most trusted news anchor in the galaxy’, sat at a desk and gave a glowing story of Seashell Killary and Hunter Hyding’s successful mission to Willow’s World.
“… and after taking a commanding position atop their crashed star cruiser,” Runt continued, “… Hunter Hyding and Seashell Killary rallied the platoon of panic stricken Marines which, ironically, were sent to rescue them. Though the Marines were wracked with fear at the sight of the unnamed danger, Hunter and Seashell used their natural born leadership gifts, undoubtedly passed to them by their parents, and led the Marines on a dangerous mission which successfully averted a tragedy on that planet. And even though the nature of the mission and the nature of the potential tragedy is considered classified,” Runt smiled knowingly into the camera, “some anonymous sources high up in government claimed that the unnamed potential tragedy was caused by none other than President Helania herself! Voters should keep this in mind when the elections roll around. I’m sure that if those thankful Marines were present here today, they would encourage all citizens in the galaxy to vote accordingly since clearly, this was all President Helania’s fault.”
Hunter Hyding was joined by his father on the stage, former Vice President Bunker Hyding and Seashell Killary was joined by her father, Senator William J. Killary as they announced their intention to run as president and vice president to defeat President Helania in the next election by any means necessary.
“Really, Sam?” said Jennifer, removing her towel and using it to dry her hair. “Eight thousand channels on cosmic-cable, one thousand of them porn channels, and this is what you’re watching?”
“It’s on all the channels, Jenn,” shrugged Samuel. “Even the porn ones.” He sighed, as if he had stepped boot deep into a steaming pile of xeno-droppings. “Still though, none of that galactic pomp and circumstance bullshit can compare to the little ceremony we had on the deck of the K-Hawk where we got to promote Sergeant Hernandez to Staff Sergeant and Pfc. Chensi to Lance Corporal. It’s nice, really. Forty-two of us deployed. Forty-two of us returned. Banged up. Probably scared for life. But drunk and happy, just the way we Marines like it.”
“Well, yeah, that’s true,” said Jenn, climbing on the bed and straddling Sam. With an aggravated groan, Jenn grabbed the remote out of Sam’s hand and pointed it at the vid-screen. “Just do me a favor,” she said, pressing the ‘off’ button. “For as long as we’re on earth, turn that GNN shit off!”
Marine Corps Rank Pronunciations
SSgt- Staff Sergeant (read as ‘staff sergeant’)
Sgt- Sergeant (read as ‘sergeant’)
Pvt- Private (read as ‘private’)
Pfc- Private First Class (read as ‘PFC’)
LCpl- Lance Corporal (read as ‘lance corporal’)
Cpl- Corporal (read as ‘corporal’)
1LT- First Lieutenant (read as First Lieutenant or Lieutenant)
4th Platoon, Delta Company
Platoon Leader- 1LT Samuel Gabriel (m)
Medic- LCpl. Chapman (m)
CommSpec- LCpl. Maggas (m)
1st Sqd:
Sqd- Ldr-SSgt. Boyer (m)
Tm Ldr- Sgt. Barlow (m)
Tm Ldr- Cpl. Hatcher (f)
Automatic Rifle Gunner- Pvt. Houser (m)
Asst. Automatic Rifle Gunner- Pvt. Barner (f)
2nd Sqd:
Sqd. Ldr- SSgt. Talley (f)
Tm Ldr- Cpl. Cotto (m)
Tm Ldr – Cpl. Parker (m)
3rd Sqd:
Sqd. Ldr- Sgt. Hernandez (m)
Flame-Rifle Gunner- Pfc. Chensi (f)
Tm Ldr- Sgt. Watson (f)
Tm Ldr- Cpl. Palkovic (m)
Rifleman- LCpl. Mixley
Pilot:
Warrant Officer Nasri
USS Kitty Hawk- assault carrier
USS Ranger- assault carrier
USS Galveston City- patrol corvette
CSNS Sydney Point- colonizer ship
CSNS New Castle- luxury cruiser
CSNS Mont Caberu- science freighter

I know that Coachella is probably at best postponed, but...

Fall of Cleveland 5 - Uni the Unicorn pt2 (2/2) by Giant Neckbeard

Link to part 1
You're a Dirty-Grey Earth Fluffy with an even dirtier Black mane and tail, walking as fast as you can to the north, part of a massive Herd that stretches as far back as you can see and beyond.
Back when you were part of your Original Herd, you were called Dirt, because no matter what you did or how many times you jumped in the Water Holes, your Fluff seemed to attract dirt all on it's own. Now you're just 'Fwuffie', like everyone else.
Across the highway is another, equally massive Herd, full of Meanie Fluffies who say that Uni loves them more.
You'd go over and give them owies, but the Desert Fluffies know that Biggest Meanest Monsters come roaring down the highway frequently, so it's best to conserve your strength for the day when the Meanie Herd is being incredibly Mean.
As a Desert Fluffy, you know the surrounding regions quite well, but you've never had an adventure like this before
Follow the Black Hard Thing that Hoomins call the 'Highway', always follow it, never leave to follow down the smaller Black Hard Things, because they do not go 'North'. Find the Water Holes and have to stop Fluffies from pushing each other in.
Have to force them to wait for their turn, and then have to make those who have had their fill of water keep moving. And with so many Fluffies, thousands of them, it's hard to make them stop fighting.
The last water-hole, there was barely any water for the last few Fluffies, just very dirty water that they cried over, but drank anyways, because they were so hot and thirsty.
These Cee-Tee Fluffies are real pains in your Poopie Place. They never work together like your Herd used to.
And there's barely enough food for everyone now. Have to beat the Fluffies who try to eat everything, they are supposed to only have a mouthful of something and move on, so those behind them can eat too.
You have had to beat a lot of Fluffies to get them to understand that if they eat all the nummies, then their friends behind them will have none.
Then you had to keep driving them on when they tried to turn back and 'Gif Sowwy Huggies!' to their 'Fwiends'.
Have to stay on your side of the road too, as there's a Mean Herd just as big on the other side, eating all the shrubs and grass and shouting that they love Uni more than you do.
Want to fight the Mean Herd to prove you love Uni the most, but can't, Fluffies need to keep moving and go 'North' as fast as they can, and if you waste time fighting, then Uni might pick somebody else as her One True Special Friend.
Fluffies whimper, some cry about being hot, about their hooves hurting, about wanting nummies, but nobody stops. Uni is waiting, at a magical place...
Fluffies walk till it's too hot, then try to find shade to wait out the hottest part of the day.
Some of the Herd's Cee-Tee Stallions say they have been walking for many turnings of the Sun, from a place full of Hoomins and Fluffies and Grass and Water, and it makes your head spin that they would abandon such a paradise.
There's nothing out here but the blistering hot sun, the cruel, burning sand and small shrubs and patches of hard, bitter grass.
And Snake-Munsta and Bug-Munstas and... well, there's a lot of Munstas.
Until She came along, you despaired of ever finding a way out of this hellhole.
Uni... just remembering her makes your heart swell with longing, and you find the strength to push onwards just a little bit more.
"Too wamm!" A Stallion near the front of the Herd shouts. He's right, the Sun is climbing so high it's nearly overhead
Fluffies walk down into the bad-lands, and here is where you and you can help these 'Cee-Tee' Fluffies find shelter.
It's hard, there's more Fluffies than you can count, stretching back farther than you can see, but you try. Fluffy Mammas and Foals get the best shade, because they are the most vulnerable, then Mares, then Stallions.
Everyone is so hot, fluff is bad when Fluffies get this hot, so everyone pants through their mouths to try and make the 'Wamm Bad Feww' to leave their bodies.
Fluffies are warned about the Bug-Munstas and the Snake-Munstas, but some don't understand, or are too mean, and push into the rocks, looking for shelter.
Hear them scream as the Munstas sting them. Fluffies flop about, howling and pooping and shrieking as the Bad Bites make them spit boo-boo juices and turn ugly colors.
Fluffies cram in under shrubs, behind tall rocks, anywhere there is shade, and pant, flicking their tails and twitching their ears to try and make the Fly-Not-Friends who plague them go away.
On the other side of the road, the Other Fluffies are shouting in dismay, apparently several of their Herd tried to take shelter behind a Prickly Green Plant, and got bad owies from the thin needles that cover it.
Good. Don't like that Herd that is leading that mob of Cee-Tee Fluffies.
Made it impossible for you to be with Uni. Were naughty, so Uni's Hoomins pulled you all away.
You sigh and close your eyes, remembering how soft her fluff felt against your body, as the sun climbs higher into the sky, and the shade the Fluffies hide under shrinks
"Yuu weft dem awone! Wun away to chase Uni! Why yuu weave yuu Hewd to chase Uni! Bad Fwuffies! Hewds wuv yuu, an' yuu wun away!"
Whimper and try to forget the memory of Uni being so very angry with you. It's not your fault! She just... you think of Uni, and then your Mares, but there's just no comparison at all. Your Mares were small and scrawny and dirty, their ears ragged, their fluff full of dust and burrs.
Touching Uni was like... you don't know the words to describe it. It was like every good thing you ever wanted, and so many good things you never knew existed, all at once.
Soft, clean, warm, pretty, good feels, nice smells
You sigh and try to block out the sounds of Fluffy Ponies complaining loudly, pushing and shoving each other as the shade shrinks and shrinks, forcing the hot, unhappy Fluffies ever closer together.
But Uni is going 'North'.
And you will follow her to the ends of the Land, you said so.
You promised.
*********************************************************************
Well. Las Vegas...certainly more than you ever expected.
Spent a week and a half here, doing 'adverts' for various businesses that think appealing to Fluffy Pony Owners is a sound business decision.
Uni's getting the work out of her life here.
Fluffies are brought out to meet her by their owners, get hugs, and 'help' with the adverts.
Done everything from garages trying to sell fuel and repairs to specialty stores selling 'all natural' Fluffy Chow and even a Fluffy Pimp.
Seriously?
Don't think that one is going to see air-time.
The three mares were quite beautiful and were wearing makeup, with ribbons tied through their manes.
"How much yuu chawge?" They asked you, scowling at 'Uni'.
That was surprising. Uni was designed to be adorable by Fluffy Pony standards, until you twigged that they saw Uni as a 'rival' for business.
Only reason they weren't attacking was your size, otherwise you're sure that 'Uni' would have been showered with 'Sowwy Poopies!'
Regardless, you're a professional, do the shoot, then BUG THE HELL OUTTA THERE.
Prosti-Fluffies shouting at Pip and Eddy they can 'haf one on da howse!'
Nononononono....
Second-to-last Advert Shoot is in a Casino.
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
Well at least there'll be AC. Feel like a steamed dumpling at this stage.
Whoever came up with the concept of a Latex Suit never worked in a desert, you're sure.
'Uni' is given some chips, 'plays' some of the games and 'wins' bowls of Spaghetti.
Big, heaped bowls of Spaghetti.
Oh God.
*********************************************************************
Set six weeks later
Be Natasha Goodaluv, again, and watch with bemusement as Eddy and Pip go out to meet the Fluffy Ponies and the Cows.
Some wit decided to stuff a Feral herd with Bovine Hormones, and started to bottle Fluffy Pony Milk. Without the addition of specific foods, the milk has a tendency to have a very starchy taste, but with all the sweet, well-watered grass and high-sucrose fodder the Farmer feeds them, the milk is almost sickeningly sugary.
Had a glass, can barely stand still. No wonder the little fluff-balls are so hyperactive if this is what they grow up on.
Sammy has bought twelve bottles of the damn stuff. Swears it'll be better for everyone than the redbull they're going through. Might be healthier, but for fuck's sake, you feel like you're vibrating right now from the sugar-high.
Oh God, the Mares in the fields have finally noticed Eddy and Pip are 'Stallions'.
This ought to be good. Eddy is 'interviewing' the Mares, while Pip is having a natter with the Farmer who originally came up with the concept of Bottled Fluffy Milk, a scattering of Fillies and young Mares following in his wake and giggling loudly.
In the fields outside the "Dairy Farmers of America" buildings, taking a well-earned break from the Uni-Suit as the madness starts.
"Yuu big Fwuffy! Yuu haf Hewd?" The 'Smarty Friend' of this all-female Herd asks loudly, grinning at Eddy.
Well, leering, but still...
"Eddy haf Hewd wit' Wittle Brudda Pip and Wittle Sistah Uni." Eddy rumbles at the Mares, who all squeak and squeal in delight.
Seriously, did they have to build the suit so Eddy sounded like that? You understand the marketing pitch, to make Eddy sound as big and authoritative as possible to make him popular with Earth Fluffy Ponies, but this is just ridiculous.
"Wan join mah Hewd?" The Smarty Mare shouts eagerly, tail lifted into the air and waving back and forth.
If you were closer, you'd bet you could smell the hormones flooding off her right now.
Combination of a lack of males, rich food, constant hormone injections to make her produce milk all the time, and that has to be one ripe little Fluffy out there trying to be sexy as all hell.
"For the record, if you two fuckers pop the suit's boner out there, I WILL beat you to death with your own fucking limbs." You hear the Director mutter into his head-set, and stifle the urge to giggle.
"An yuu is nice Hoomin who gif miwk to Fwuffies at home?" Pip squeaks to the Farmer, who grins and nods, obviously only just resisting the urge to burst out laughing.
Yes, the whole situation is absurd, just deal with it.
"Aaaaah, yep, I started bottling Fluffy Ponies milk a few years ago when they wandered onto my property, thought there might be a market." The aging, balding man snorts and grins as he watches 'Eddy' desperately trying to outrun the Mares, who had all latched on to his belly fluff, squirming and wriggling.
"WOOOOOOO!" You hear one Mare squeal in delight. Shit. SWAG has been launched...
Director is making choking noises, and you swear you can hear the coffee mug in his hands cracking as his knuckles turn white.
"Oh my God... well, uh, focusing on the milk again..." The Farmer makes an half-muffled snort of laughter as Pip and he walk away from the train-wreck of Eddy and the Mares. "The milk is bottled and treated on my farm, filled with all the good things Fluffy Ponies need, and then sold all over the country. There's Fluffy Milk for Foals, Fluffy Milk for Adults, Fluffy Milk for the Elderly Fluffies. Hell, I even pasteurize some for people too."
"Yaaaaay! Nice Hoomin get Fwuffie Miwk fo' evewy Fwuffie an' dere Mummies an' Daddies!" Pip 'cheers', dancing from hoof to hoof, his wings flapping 'eagerly'.
The Mares who followed pip also start dancing, delighted.
"Yuu is Guud Fwuffies who make Miwk fo' otha Fwuffies!" Pip tells them, 'smiling' at them. "Yuu is wunnerful! Yuu is Best Fwuffies!"
Mare cling to Pip's fluff and shout they love him, that they think he's 'wunnerful' too.
Eddy has fallen over with much cursing, sending Fluffy Ponies flying.
They rushed over to ask if he was okay, then saw the SWAG just lying there. Fluffy Mares all crowd around, rubbing their back-ends on the exposed shaft, giggling and cooing, even as their Smarty Friend tries to back into the damn thing.
"Nnnnnngh! So Big! Fwuffy gun' haf Best Speshaw Huggies!" She shouts loudly, grinding back as hard as she can, her face contorting hilariously as she tries to push all 2 feet of flanged latex horse wang into her tiny body.
That does it. Everyone bursts into laughter or starts wolf-whistling.
"Oh for the love of... FROM THE TOP!" The Director yells, rubbing at his temples.
Time till Spaghetti Land in Cleveland, Ohi opens ... 6 weeks
*********************************************************************
4 Weeks till Spaghetti Land in Cleveland, Ohio opens.
Kansas City. By All The Gods, so many adverts.
Uni's getting more mileage than you thought possible. Much as you hate to admit it, the suit is incredible to hold up under this constant 'abuse' without the mechanisms failing.
Doing a shoot at the St. Louis Arch, with the other two Suits.
Redo of the 'Journey' song. Seems that Fluffies absolutely adore it.
Apparently Las Vegas has had a surge of customers, with Fluffies in tow, and made a killing.
Customers can either take their winnings or have free all-you-can-eat buffets for themselves and their Fluffy Ponies for a week.
Naturally, people try to take the money, but the Fluffy ponies break down into tears, and the owners either boot the Fluffy, try to make it understand or give in to the guilt.
The other thing that's surprising is there's close to a million Fluffy ponies following in your wake.
Jesus enfing Christ. There's so many of them following the Freeway from Hollywood to Cleveland that satellites can pick them up.
They're only just reaching Las Vegas now, according to the News Reports, a sprawling two-part Herd that shambles on morning and night, leaving a trail of weak or dead Fluffy Ponies in their wake.
"We fowwowin' Uni!" One Fluffy Pony said on National Television, making the entire cast spit their coffee out in horror. "We fowwow Uni fow'evah! We wuv Uni!... I wuv Uni mowst dou...."
Cue the Feral Fluffies going into a screaming free-for-all as the Stallions jumped on the Smarty Friend, shouting that they themselves 'wuved' Uni more than anyone!
Any complaints to the show get funneled down the line to the your Mystery Asshole Boss. Hope the bastard's ears are melting off from the enraged Fluffy Pony Owners whose babies have run away to follow their Idol.
And there's scores of abusers out there attacking the herds, but apparently there were so many that a couple of flat-bed trucks actually went out of control when their wheels locked up with Fluff, and tipped over, crushing their inhabitants, who got 'Owie-Fixin'-Hugs' to make it all better.
And promptly suffocated under thousands of Fluffies trying to fix their 'boo-boos'.
Karma at work, ladies and gentlemen. You thought to yourself as you watched the police pry the Fluffy ponies off the corpses.
Las Vegas City Council apparently decided that it was a fantastic attention-getter, and has 'helped' the Fluffy Ponies by diverting them down the main 'strip' of road leading through town and blocking off the alleyways and side-streets.
Show-Girls are holding signs saying "Uni went that way!" instead of working the tables, or under them.
Lying bastards. They're just eager to see the Ferals leave, and possibly make their own Feral Fluffy Pony population disappear in the process.
Fuck you can only imagine what the Ferals have had to go through .....
*********************************************************************
You hold up your son to the sky... and weep bitter, bitter tears. The tears wash down into your dirty fluff, leaving two clean trails on your cheeks as the foal remains cold and stiff, despite your attempts to warm it with the morning sun.
The mare you had befriended on the way died, leaving you to look after the last of the babies you had given her one night when you couldn't stand the Hot-Naughty-Feels pulsing through you.
Brandy died because the Mean Herd snuck across the road and ate all the nummies, marching all night long while your herd slept.
Your herd kept following their side of the road, too afraid of the Munstas to cross the highway, too determined to stop and seek food further from the highway's edge.
Three days without food, and barely any water, and eventually she was too weak to move.
Babies had been without milk for two days when the first, your daughter Gust, fell off her Mother's back and wouldn't get up.
You and Brandy cried over her body so much, then left the Herd to take her and put her under a bush, where she could rest.
You both knew she was dead, but it made it easier to go on if you pretended she was just sleeping.
Then your son Brambles began to fall ill, and you tried everything you could think of to make him better.
Hugs, half-chewed grass, some sweet berries you found and brought back for him to suck on, nothing worked.
Bandy kept on telling you she was sorry, she was a "Bad Fwuffy Mumma". Told her she was the "Best Fwuffy Mumma evah, it not her fault if Meanie Hewd steaw nummies."
Brandy didn't move the next day, still and cold even with you hugging her through the night, your son snuggled between you both, wheezing in his sleep.
Now, he's dead. He's dead. HE'S DEAD. You feel so hollow and empty inside as you bring his body down, staring at it and fighting the urge to break down and will yourself to join your family in death.
You made a promise, not just to Uni, but to your mare and your babies that they would see Uni once again.
Your heart breaks, being a Fluffy Daddy was so... so fulfilling! It made every day wonderful to be alive, to know your babies were waiting for you to play with them, teach them to be good Fluffies.
You told them about Uni, the biggest, most beautiful (after their mumma) and most magical unicorn Fluffy who was leading Fluffies to a magical place.
Fluffies who joined you from the Cee-Tees said it was 'Sketti Wand', a place of endless Spaghetti, where Fluffies could play all day with nice hoomins who loved them, ride on toys made just for Fluffies, even find homes for themselves with the nice hoomins.
How the babies' eyes lit up when they heard that, how your mare sighed happily, all their hunger and pain forgotten for a few blissful moments.
Now... you have but one child left. A small, pale brown fillie with a shockingly bright-red mane and tail. Brandy the Second.
She's the only one that has managed to hold on to life, the only one that didn't fall sick from the lack of nummies, even though you can feel her ribs clearly when you give her huggies.
She's sitting there, dry-eyed and staring at her brother, her face inscrutable.
"Baybeh... we aww dat weft of famiwy." You whisper to her, placing your boy reverently down under a bush, tears still falling from your eyes.
"Fwuffie know. Fwuffie miss Mumma, miss Sissy, Miss Brudda." She whispers back, closing her eyes and sighing, sounding so much older than her single week of life could possibly suggest. "Buh we goin', Daddy? We goin' to see Uni, yes?"
Sigh and sob and laugh all at the same time, and let her climb up onto your back.
"Yes, Baybeh, we gon' see Uni. Daddy pwomise, an' Mumma wan' hew baybehs see Uni too, pway with Uni and eats wots of Sketti." You whisper to her as you shuffle off to rejoin the Herd, leaving your son to 'Sleep' alongside his mother under a prickly bush that will keep the Munstas from hurting them further.
As evening falls, you are all but falling over from weariness, but your daughter has had some nummies, where a nice hoomin had pulled up in a Fast Box Munsta and was distributing water and sweet nummies to the Fluffies.
"You keep going, you brave little things." She said, her face all wrinkled, smiling down at you as she handed out buttered peanut-butter-jelly sandwiches, which the herd dutifully broke down into bite-sized pieces, ate their share, and shuffled on after hugging the nice hoomin's ankles.
There's a lot of nice hoomins coming out now, saying they love Fluffy Ponies, want to see them make it to Sketti Wand.
Without them, you'd be dead by now, you're sure.
Some have Fluffies living with them in their Moving Safe Places, who cheer at you as well, saying they are going on ahead, and will be waiting for you at 'Sketti Wand'.
It's later that evening when you find the first of the Mean Herd, broken and bleeding, screaming about "Bad hoomins who gif huwties!"
They are quickly given Biggest Owies, and their bodies are rolled away from the road so that the Foals don't see them. They are evil fluffies who stole your nummies, and want to be special friends with Uni.
You once wanted to be like that. To make Uni your Special Friend, and yours alone.
Brandy changed that. Brandy filled your heart in ways that Uni never did.
You still love Uni, but Brandy will always live in your heart. You want to find Uni still, but so that she can teach your daughter to be a Good Fluffy too.
TO BE CONCLUDED.....

I am going to Vegas for my birthday. What are some things I can do that aren't crazy expensive? (BTW the trip was bought for me).

What Returning to Work Will Look Like in Offices, Cafes and Factories Around the World

Expect lots of temperature checks and one-way routes. ‘As we experienced in China, this will be a journey.’
Wearable social-distancing buzzers. Masked blackjack dealers. Drive-thru electronics purchases. From cubicles to factory floors, cafes to clothing boutiques, businesses around the world are dreaming up creative ways to reopen, attempting to start revenue flowing again while minimizing the risk to customers and employees.
The global economy is riding on their ability to pull off that delicate balance. A new flareup of Covid-19 cases could shutter offices, stores, restaurants and manufacturing plants once again, further choking off the flow of goods and services and threatening more jobs. Some governments, such as China, are providing rigorous oversight of the process. Others, including President Donald Trump’s administration, have offered looser guidance and are entrusting businesses to monitor their facilities. Scientists are still studying how the virus is spread, and whether keeping people six feet apart is enough, adding to the risks.
The companies’ plans rely on a steady supply of masks, gloves, thermometers and tests that is likely to strain budgets and manufacturers’ ability to keep up. Social distancing will be built in, with people divided by barriers and kept apart from colleagues and customers, a U-turn after years of movement toward open floor plans. Some companies will monitor employees more closely than ever before, while others will let workers choose how much protection they need. The way we work, shop, travel and eat in 2020 – and probably beyond – is being plotted out in boardrooms around the world.
Here are the changes companies are contemplating for their workplaces in the coming weeks.

The Office

Seats on the shuttle bus to Unilever’s Shanghai offices can be reserved using a chat group. Employees must be masked to board, and they sit on alternating sides, one person to each four-seat row. Upon arrival, each worker scans a QR code and fills out a health status report to get a daily pass to enter. Then comes the temperature check and the hand sanitizer.
Inside the office, movement is tightly regulated. Employees keep their masks on and are encouraged to use the stairs instead of the elevator, with spritzes of hand sanitizer before and after touching the regularly disinfected handrail. In the canteen, a single person is allowed at each four-seat table.
Such measures might seem predictable in a centrally controlled society like China, but some version of them is starting to appear in the West. At Britain’s former state phone monopoly, BT Group Plc, call center workers sit two meters apart, and walkways are designated as one-way to keep people from brushing past each other. Temperature checks are becoming routine at Sistema, the Russian conglomerate, which also says it’s developed its own two-hour test for Covid-19. Employees who come to the office have been tested in the past couple of weeks, though as many as half of the call center workers at MTS, the mobile network controlled by Sistema, are operating out of their homes.

More Room

Flexible space operator Knotel, which runs offices for corporations including Uber and Netflix, says workplace design has to change. Offices will likely be less densely populated, and altered to make them “antiviral,” according to Amol Sarva, Knotel’s chief executive officer.
“Things like ventilation, UV light, density screening, video monitoring, and temperature monitoring, cleaning protocols — those are all going to have to change,” he said. “Certainly there’ll be more space.”
In China, Cushman & Wakefield has helped move nearly a million workers back into 800 million square feet (74 million square meters) of office space. The company is creating a Recovery Readiness manual for landlords and tenants, based in part on its experience in China, that includes colored carpets to create visual boundaries around desks, plexiglass shields between desks that face each other and signs that direct walking traffic in a single direction.

Fewer Meetings

Even when people do come back to the office, meetings will be limited, and large gatherings are out of the question. This week, Facebook Inc. CEO Mark Zuckerberg canceled all physical events of 50 or more people through June 2021. The vast majority of employees are required to work from home through May, and those who need to carry on doing so will be able to work at home through the summer.
The road to normalcy may be much longer than that. At Abcam Plc, a British protein research company, 40 out of 300 China-based employees started returning to work in Beijing, Shanghai, Hangzhou and Hong Kong on Feb. 14. Two months later, the company is running split shifts to maintain distancing for the roughly 50% of employees based in manufacturing, logistics and essential lab work.

The Factory

On Feb. 10, Winly Automotive (Wuhan) Ltd. was assigned a checklist from the government. To reopen, the company would be required to have a one-month stash of masks and sanitizer, take a photo of the supplies, and send it to officials before submitting to a detailed inspection. “The policy has been constantly changing,” said Wang Xuepan, one of the plant’s managers. “It’s very difficult for us to handle.”
In the Seattle area, Boeing Co. has worked with the Washington state labor department on a plan to reopen its factories. It will be doling out cloth masks to most workers, saving the gold-standard N95 masks for a select few in more hazardous conditions.
Unlike office drones, factory workers have to show up in person to get the job done. Figuring out what basic protections they’ll need is part of the challenge. At Boeing, industrial engineers are analyzing the sequence of work on its assembly lines to find ways to spread apart workers.

Taking the Temperature

Airbus SE has divided employees at its plants into red and blue teams, who don’t see each other because they use different routes to enter and exit buildings. Volkswagen AG is allotting more time between shifts and reducing expectations for production because it takes longer for people to move around each other at a safe distance. Ford Motor Co. is experimenting with wearable devices that would buzz workers if they get too close together.
While the virus can be transmitted by people with no symptoms, many manufacturers are doing temperature checks, whether with thermometers, thermal imaging cameras or — in the case of Fiat Chrysler Automobiles NV in the U.S. — reusable forehead strips.
Fiat Chrysler, whose CEO Mike Manley is one of the executives talking with Trump about reopening the economy, is requiring workers to fill out a health questionnaire two hours before reporting to work each day. They must bring either a hard copy, or scan a QR code with their phone, to prove they aren’t displaying signs of illness or exposure to the virus, according to documents obtained by Bloomberg. Workers can’t enter the plant without it.
Some companies are closing cafeterias in favor of vending machines. Dongfeng PSA in Wuhan is handing out prepared lunchboxes to employees, who must eat at least 1.5 meters apart with their backs to each other.
Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. said Chairman Li Shufu wrote a song to keep workers motivated through such dreariness. “A world full of expectations/Turned to dust of yesterday,” the lyrics go. “Their sorrow flowing into the sea/But the flower of love is quietly blooming.”

The Airplane

When air travel resumes in earnest, it’s likely that hand sanitizers, face masks and thermometers will become standard at most major airports, said David Powell, medical adviser for the International Air Transport Association, a trade group. All three have shortcomings, but can also reassure passengers, he said.
The International Civil Aviation Organization, which sets global flying standards, wants to establish a “public health corridor concept.” Under such a plan, major airlines, airports, public authorities and other parties would adopt common protocols for screening, boarding, in-flight procedures, arrivals, customs and baggage.
“We cannot all just stop flying,” Ansa Jordaan, the group’s chief of aviation medicine, said during an April 15 webcast.
Emirates Airline said this week it was the first to conduct rapid Covid-19 blood tests, with results available in 10 minutes for passengers flying Wednesday from Dubai to Tunisia. It plans to extend the procedure to other flights, according to Chief Operating Officer Adel Al Redha.
Other carriers are attempting less invasive measures. Etihad Airways, another major airline in the United Arab Emirates, plans to deploy touchless self-service devices at its hub airport in Abu Dhabi to identify travelers with medical conditions, including the early stages of coronavirus.
In the U.S., American Airlines Group Inc. plans to continue spacing customers apart during boarding and flights, conducting extensive cleanings of aircraft and reducing food and beverage service to limit contact, CEO Doug Parker said in an April 15 video message.
“When you do fly, aircraft cleanliness and social distancing matter greatly,” he said.

The Store

In China, it’s become standard to have your temperature taken any time you want to go shopping. Visitors to the Wuhan International Plaza luxury mall are checked for a fever at the door, before they queue up to be served one at a time at Louis Vuitton.
Levi Strauss & Co. disinfects its Chinese stores three times a day and requires temperature checks for customers, who are expected to wear masks before entering the store. Fitting rooms and products that have been tried on are disinfected each time they’re used.
It’s unclear whether practices implemented in China will make their way to other parts of the world, though several companies said they’ll learn from their experience in Asia.

Drive-Thru Shopping

Another technique is to keep shoppers out of the store altogether. Dixons Carphone Plc, the electronics retailer, is considering plans for contact-free “drive-thru” style stores to limit the risk of coronavirus for staff and customers. Shoppers would park outside, call the store to select items to buy, use a contactless system to pay and then open their trunks so staff could deliver the products.
Salespeople at luxury retailers in China were already using social media to engage with customers before the outbreak, but they’ve stepped up the effort since, adding clients on WeChat and sending them information about the latest trends. Louis Vuitton tried showcasing its summer product line in a livestream show on March 26 featuring a social-media star, but was ridiculed for the quality of the video. Sometimes there’s no substitute for personal contact.

The Restaurant

Buffets and salad bars will be re-thought, and self-serve drink stations may be “a thing of the past,” said Taco John’s CEO Jim Creel, who added that other changes are afoot at the 387-store chain. Taco John’s popular salsa bar — around for the past 15 years — may be removed.
“We hope we don’t have to take them out — that we’ll be able to figure out a way to make them still work — but I’m afraid the fear factor our there will force us to go to a pre-packaged option.”
A test of self-ordering kiosks may also get pulled back. “It was a good idea three months ago, but not so good today,” Creel said.

Phone Pay

In China, restaurants and even bars have opened back up in Shanghai, with varying limits on seating arrangements – some allow six to a table, others only one. In Beijing, restaurants are doing temperature checks. In Wuhan, most places are still delivery-only.
“In the short run, as dining rooms open back up again, you’ll probably see many restaurants space their tables a little bit further apart,” said Jack Li, CEO of menu researcher Datassential. “You’ll see more restaurants try to adopt phone pay. So not having to hand your money or card to anyone. You’re certainly going to see more places continue to do things like contactless delivery.”
Starbucks Corp. is taking a store-by-store approach to resuming business activities in the U.S., with services limited to drive-thru, delivery and takeout via mobile orders and contactless pickup.
“As we experienced in China, this will be a journey,” CEO Kevin Johnson wrote in a memo to staff on Thursday.

The Menu

Chains are cutting back menus, focusing on products that sell best and are easy to make. Romano’s Macaroni Grill has pared down its menu to 70% of what it used to be, saying goodbye to pizzas and calzones recently. McDonald’s all-day breakfast menu is gone.
Fazoli’s Italian restaurant chain is trying to secure Purell sanitizing stations – four for each store — along with “millions” of alcohol-based wipes for re-opening the dining rooms of its 216 locations. The company is also re-thinking bathrooms and looking into touch-less soap dispensers. It’s an investment, but a worthwhile one, says CEO Carl Howard.
“I want to let the consumer know I’m doing everything I can to keep them as safe as possible,” Howard said in an interview.

The Arena

Large public gatherings aren’t top of mind yet in China, but Trump and the people who run the U.S.’s biggest sports leagues appear aligned in their thinking that live games, at least in some form, are a critical part of helping the country recover.
“The progression needs to be open outdoor sports first, golf, tennis, swimming so that we can start to test the waters — that I’m fine with,” said billionaire Mark Cuban, who owns the NBA’s Dallas Mavericks.
One obstacle may be local politicians. When UFC floated plans to host an event this weekend on tribal land in California without spectators, it was pressure from politicians, including Governor Gavin Newsom, that led to its cancellation. Los Angeles Mayor Eric Garcetti has reportedly discussed the possibility of prohibiting large gatherings like concerts and sporting events in the city for another year.

The Movies

That said, there’s billions on the line for sports leagues, sponsors and media networks if the games don’t resume soon. Anthony Fauci, the nation’s leading infectious-disease expert, has said that that the only way to do that this summer is to close venues to fans and keep all the players, coaches and referees isolated from society.
Cinema owners are also waiting to see when health officials give them clearance to open up. Cinemark Holdings Inc., the third-largest U.S. movie chain, has been in discussions with major film studios about when to release blockbusters again. The chain’s management thinks they could begin bringing back staff starting in late June, then build up a marketing campaign for a broader re-opening on July 1.
The experience won’t be like it was before coronavirus hit. The chain will either have to limit the available tickets for each showing, leaving about half its seats open. Or it may eliminate reserved seating, so customers can voluntarily spread themselves out when they arrive. Cleaning will have to be ramped up, and opening hours may be limited to accommodate the changes.
“How long that will take? We’re not completely certain,” said Mark Zoradi, Cinemark’s CEO, on a call with analysts and investors on Wednesday. “But we’re planning on anywhere from one to three months to light up that engine again and then to begin with higher profile, new product.”

The Casino

Las Vegas casino executives have discussed opening with as little as one-third of their rooms available, with limited entrances where guests’ temperatures could be checked. Casino employees would wear masks and gloves, and gamblers would sit at least a chair apart at blackjack tables.
The moves are similar to what is already occurring in Macau, the world’s largest gambling market, where casinos closed for 15 days in February and reopened under tight restrictions.
The companies are also discussing enhanced cleaning techniques, something unions have requested.

Fun Parks

The $19.3 billion U.S. theme park industry is also making plans, though no one knows when gates will reopen.
When they do, employees may be wearing masks and temperatures may be checked not only at the entrances but inside as well, said Dennis Speigel, a theme park consultant in Cincinnati. Operators may also institute virtual queues, where guests snag a place in line through an app and come to ride when it’s their turn.
“The theme park of the future is going to have to take a much different turn, from distancing to wanding to cleaning,” Speigel said. “I’ve never heard the fear in the voices that I’ve heard. Nobody knows what they’re going to be doing.”
Bloomberg News - With assistance from Thomas Buckley, Thomas Seal, Dana Hull, Natalie Wong, Julie Johnsson, Charlotte Ryan, Christoph Rauwald, Kyunghee Park, Gabrielle Coppola, Shiho Takezawa, Tian Ying, Chunying Zhang, Keith Naughton, Mary Schlangenstein, Justin Bachman, Layan Odeh, Jordyn Holman, Deirdre Hipwell, Robert Williams, Kim Bhasin, Jinshan Hong, Claire Che, Leslie Patton, Kelly Gilblom and Christopher Palmeri.

Hey, you're going to Las Vegas for RLCS LAN? Here's a quick run down for what you need to know if you are not a regular.

I'm a Vegas regular. I travel there for work and play between 6-10 times a year. I've been to Vegas somewhere around 70 times.
Here are some tips, in no particular order.
Orleans Arena is "off strip". It is part of the Orleans Hotel and Casino. If you choose to stay at The Orleans, you will have a 10 minute ubelyft back and forth from the strip. The Strip is the part of Vegas that you always see when you think of Vegas. It's called Las Vegas Boulavard. Orleans is a property that basically has nothing around it, and there is not really much to see without a 20 minute walk to the Palms, or a 20 minute walk to the Rio.
If you are only going to eat, drink, and breathe RLCS, staying at the Orleans is probably a good idea. But if you want to experience Vegas, you want to stay on the strip.
Lodging can be had for cheap, up to more expensive. The cost of hotel rooms is usually based on the property location on the strip, as the more central hotels are the nicer ones.
Bellagio, Aria, and the Cosmo are the best places to stay that are in the middle. They will cost anywhere between $250-$400 a night. A great central location hotel that is more economical is Planet Hollywood, which is right across from the Bellagio. Rooms can be had here for closer to $150 a night.
If you go to the end of the strip, you can have rooms for under $100, such as treasure island, Park MGM, NYNY, and Mandalay Bay, and if you really want to live economical on strip, you can go somewhere like Luxor (far end of strip) The Linq (more middle) and The Mirage.
Any of the places listed above are on strip, and you can get the full Vegas experience. Hotels such as the Palms, Gold Coast, the Rio, Stratosphere, and the Hard Rock are so far off strip that they are extremely isolated from walking distance to most of the action in Vegas.
Weather.... You're going to the Western US in the Desert, the Western US in the Desert is not what you would expect in November. You will be lucky to see temperatures above 70F, and at night it will drop down into the low 40's. Bring warm clothes!
Walking around vegas:
DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT purchase a single thing from a street vendor. They will try selling you drink coupons, VIP tickets to shows, discounted show tickets, and just about any drug imaginable. Do not give any of these people money for any reason.
While I do not any drugs, some of my friends do, and now that marijuana is completely legal in Las Vegas, everyone raves about going to Essence Cannabis Dispensary. I've been there, and it is amazing, but I can't really speak for their product.
Skanks.... DO NOT be taken advantage of the "street walkers" and "casino crawlers" that are trying to be your friend, will want to go to your room, and after "the deed" is complete, will extort you for money. The rule of thumb, if a girl approaches you in a casino, or on the strip and is acting over friendly, they are probably a hooker, and their pimp is probably within shouting distance.
You can drink on the strip, but you CANNOT have glass. It is usually cheaper to purchase liquor or beer from one of the many CVS stores on strip.
All casinos will give you free drinks while you are playing, but sometimes the waitresses are few and far between. If you are going to be at a craps table or a slot machine for a long time, it is always a good idea to tip them very well and they will come by often.
I stay at the Bellagio the most, but my favorite places to gamble (I don't play slot machines) is a place called O'Sheas in The Linq. It is a total party atmosphere with live bands, beer pong, bean bags, and tons of table games. I think there are close to 50 tables. I'm a sucker for 3 card, and can play there for 10 hours straight.
McCarran international airport (LAS) is a nice place. Do NOT play slot machines there, as the odds are the worst of any place in Nevada. If you have an Amex Cent/Plat card, they have a Centurion lounge which has a full bar, and huge food selection, all for free.
Do not take a Taxi if you don't have to. Taxi drivers in Vegas are notorious for taking "the long way home" and you will be taken advantage of. There is a huge amount of Lyft and Ubers in the city at all times of the day. DO NOT rent a car in vegas. Parking is expensive and driving is pure gridlock.
Last but not least, if you have time, go to the "old strip" which is called Freemont Street. Old vegas is amazing, and there are a bunch of places that should be seen. You can go to the heart attack grill and get spanked for not eating your bacon cheeseburger with 50 strips of bacon, or you can go to the D Casino and have dealers in underwear. Street performers are everywhere, and it is just a good time. WATCH OUT FOR PICK POCKETERS!
Food is expensive in Vegas. The days of "cheap buffets" are gone. A burgefries will set you back somewhere around $20 in the casinos, and the chain restaurants have heavily inflated prices. The best place to eat on the strip is the miracle mile mall that is attached to planet hollywood. A bunch of the restaurants in there offer amazing drink specials and very affordable food.
I hope I covered some basics, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask, and I'll help you out the best I can.

Aerophobia – Patient Record LSA6041778-W

Patient Name: Lucan-Smith, Autumn
Age: 37
Sex: Female
Diagnosis: Aerophobia; fear of flying.
The following is a speech to text transcript spanning multiple sessions between Patient LSA6041778-W and Dr. H. Phineas Denton, who has annotated it with his own notes. The passenger manifest of Patient LSA6041778-W’s ill-fated flight suggests another candidate of interest may have been present. This, however, is likely a coincidence, as neither case has an obvious link.
Agent 11 recovered these from a locked desk drawer in Denton’s home office in Boulder City, NV. Denton reported a robbery when he returned home from running errands. Recommend retraining or reassignment for Agent 11.
Ms. Lucan-Smith was removed from Southwest Airlines flight 712 in a sorry state. My patient was hyperventilating to the point of losing consciousness, reawakening, and beginning the process again. I hesitate to call the period between passing out a "lucid" state because her extreme phobia had rendered her unable to respond to any stimulus. She whispered "no" to herself repeatedly, shaking and crying, until her body went limp for a few moments. I wasn't present for this, myself, but I have watched footage sent over from McCarran Airport. By the time Ms. Lucan-Smith arrived at my office, she was no longer panicking but the extreme fear had exhausted her. She fell asleep several times while we talked before I decided to end the session.
Denton: Hi, Ms. Smith. I’m Dr. Denton. Before we get started, can I get you a water or a soda?
Lucan-Smith has her arms wrapped around her even though, in typical Vegas fashion, it is decidedly warm outside. Her eyes are red and she has a tissue clutched in one fist.
Lucan-Smith: It’s Lucan-Smith, actually. Hyphenated. I wanted to keep my maiden name for my work. And nothing, thank you. I’m fine.
Denton: I’m going to grab a cherry Pepsi for myself. What line of work are you in?
Lucan-Smith sits in the large, plush chair I keep in the corner of the room. Patients with anxiety – though not claustrophobic patients – usually choose that chair.
Lucan-Smith: Physics. Well, physics with a little geology, actually. I investigate light diffraction in different types of crystals. Lately, I’ve been looking at ambient light data from NOAA satellites and how it relates to crystalline structures in local geologic features.
Denton: Well, that’s… pretty fascinating, actually. What is the NOAA?
Lucan-Smith slowly releases herself from her own embrace as she talks. I hand her a bottle of water as I return from my mini-fridge and she leans forward to accept it.
Lucan-Smith: The National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration. They own the National Weather Service and all the… network of satellites up there collecting terabytes of data every day. It’s a really valuable resource.
Denton: It sounds that way. I might ask you to tell me more about your work off the clock. I bet you’ve got some findings you’re dying to tell someone who will listen.
She smiles.
Lucan-Smith: I do.
Denton: So. You had an eventful flight.
Lucan-Smith: You could say that.
Denton: What I got from the EMTs says another passenger – man, I really shouldn’t say this since I’m a mental health professional – another passenger went nuts and tried to open the door of your plane. My god. And then he was restrained by three flight attendants.
Lucan-Smith: He got free at one point and went for the emergency release handle again.
Denton: Jesus. Sorry, excuse my language. That’s just-
Lucan-Smith: Oh, it’s fine. I said a lot worse on the plane.
I nod, trying to convey approval and acceptance at that. I can’t say I would have done different.
Denton: And then what happened?
Her bottle of water slips out of her hands and falls to floor as her eyes shut briefly.
Lecan-Smith: Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just so tired. You wanted to know about after he, uh, after they got him. I… Well, I’ve never been good at flying. My dad flew a lot when I was a kid and I remember being creeped out by the whole thing. I have to pop a Xanax or two every time I fly and, I know this is bad, but I chase it with a beer when I’m really shaky. When that guy tried to open the door, though, I couldn’t keep my mind off all the horrible things that could happen. They just kept fucking popping in there. Everyone getting sucked out the door, heads slamming against the frame and exploding in a mess of blood and brains. The plane depressurizing and freezing everyone to death. A body going through the engine and fucking it like those geese in that Sully Sullenberger plane, then the whole plane falling. What it would feel like in my stomach. What I would see out the window, all those green and tan squares growing like a bad acid trip. Wanting desperately to die so I didn’t have to watch my fate race up at me. And then fire. If I survived the crash, burning to death in jet fuel.
Lucan-Smith: It just kept playing on repeat like a DVD menu from hell. And when it stopped, I was in an ambulance on my way to the psych ward at Desert Springs. Then I called up my insurance and ended up here.
I need to note here that my patient is describing psychosis. While commonly associated with severe mental illnesses, use of some controlled substances, and even types of meditation, it can be a symptom of an extremely stressful episode. In short, Autumn’s consciousness was not present in the physical world. She was elsewhere, in nightmare land. Prior to Autumn, I have never come across a patient with a phobia so severe it brought on a fully psychotic episode. This is a profound case of aerophobia.
Denton: You said flying’s always been tough for you. Do you remember a time when it was ever easier? What I mean is, did it become less scary for a time and then become scarier after, say, really bad turbulence? Or maybe it gets scarier every time?
Lucan-Smith: I think it’s gotten worse…
Her eyes fall shut again for about half a second before she jerks herself awake.
Lucan-Smith: Whoa. Oh my gosh, I’m sorry! I think it’s gotten worse each time I set foot on an airplane. Maybe I think my time is closer to being at hand after each successful landing. How many do I get?
Her eyes flutter.
Denton: Ms. Lucan-Smith – Autumn – you’ve had a rough day. I have a free appointment tomorrow at 11. Why don’t you come back then? No charge for today’s visit.
Autumn leaves and I have my secretary call to book her a cheap room for the night. It’s at a casino and probably stinks of cigarettes and buffet farts, but it’s cheap. The next session is fairly uneventful; Autumn tells me about her past history with flying which is, predictably, troubled. In phobia cases, I usually try to use either exposure therapy (gradually easing the patient into their discomfort zone) or implosion therapy (exposing the patient to the most extreme version of their discomfort). These are both behaviorist methods and the best tool for the job depends on both the patient’s personality and the nature of the fear. For Autumn, however, I don’t think either will work. She just experienced the most extreme aerophobic implosion therapy I can imagine and came out much worse than she went in.
I’m not a Freudian psychologist, and I often think hypnotherapy has a lot in common with good fertilizer: they’re both bullshit. Autumn did, however, mention that her father flew a lot for work and that she used to go with him. She wasn’t scared of flying as a very young child, but started to associate negative emotions with it around age 7 or 8. I have to wonder if one of those early flights ran into a problem she’s either forgotten or doesn’t want to remember.
Autumn is effectively stuck in Nevada while her husband and son are in Tallahassee, FL with Autumn’s mother-in-law. She desperately wants to be with them, and I can understand that. I want to help her be able to board a flight and find comfort with her family. With that in mind, I call Derek Proschutz, a friend from graduate school who practices more new-agey remedies like meditation. And hypnosis. I drive Autumn to Derek’s office – one corner of which is so crowded with incense sticks it looks like the Tunguska forest, post-explosion – and watch over the procedure.
Proschutz: She’s under now. It’s not like you see on TV, Phin. You can still talk and interact like normal, she’s just very relaxed. Very… ‘reflective’ is the appropriate word, I think. Don’t bring the energy up too much; if she gets frightened or finds something funny, we’ll have to put her under again.
Denton: Autumn, I want you to consider those plane flights-
Proschutz: I’m going to bring in some lavender essential oils to create a nice atmosphere.
Denton: Uh, sure. Good idea. Autumn, think about the flights with your dad when you were very young. Remember the clothes you wore, the games you took with you, what you wanted to watch on-
Proschutz: Phin, would you like some rooibos tea for your session?
Denton: Uh… No, man. We’re… I’m good.
Proschutz: Remember, keep the energy low. You seem like you’re getting worked up.
Collaboration is hard sometimes.
Denton: What was your father like, Autumn?
Lucan-Smith: Did you ever read The Great Gatsby?
Denton: The green light over the bay. Yes.
Lucan-Smith: Do you remember the billboard? The oculist?
Denton: Doctor T. J. Eckleburg.
Lucan-Smith: I knew I liked you for a reason. Yeah, him. The description of the billboard always reminded me of my father. Good old Guy Lucan. He was bald with two intelligent, judgmental eyes behind round wire frames.
Denton: The two of you didn’t get along?
Lucan-Smith: We did when I was young. I think he joked around a lot more back then. Or maybe I just didn’t know what normal human behavior was like and I felt comfortable around him because he was my dad. When I got older, though, nothing was good enough for him. My math grades weren’t high enough, I didn’t run fast enough in track. He wanted me to go into anthropology because the “real mysteries of humanity lay there.” To almost everyone else, physics is the hard science and anthro the soft. To Guy Lucan, it was the opposite. And his taste in friends ran contrary to typical common sense, too. Anyone you saw on the street or tucked away in, like, a strange voodoo shop that you might think looked creepy, or molester-ish, or unibomber-esque, they were my dad’s best buds. And not just weirdos, but criminals. Dangerous people. He’s dead now, and I’m sure that’s why.
Is this falling out with her father the real story here? Did that sour her to flying and magnify every negative aspect about it? If so, could that even help in rehabilitating her?
Denton: Think about the last time you had fun on a trip with him. Where were you going?
Lucan-Smith: We… I think we were coming back from Mexico. I remember him teaching me how to say “Jalisco”. So I guess we were in Guadalajara. That makes sense because I remember seeing a picture of Felix Gallardo, the leader of the fucking Guadalajara Cartel, on America’s Most Wanted or something and feeling like I knew him. “Mom,” I said, “that’s Don Felix, dad’s friend!” She turned the TV off. I think she already knew, though. They were separated about 6 months after that.
Lucan-Smith: Anyway, we had just met with Don Felix. He and my dad drank tequila from the bottle with the worm and joked through the night. Then Don Felix waved over two jacked dudes who set a big army duffel bag on the table. My dad unzipped it to find dozens of carved figurines. You know those Olmec heads? Small versions of those, some freaky-faced suns, Mayan 2012 death calendars, these striated ovals that looked like they were made out of obsidian. They made me feel bad when I looked at them, like I had walked in on someone changing. My dad’s pilot brought a case of money to the table and then there was more drinking and laughing.
Denton: Then you went to the plane?
Lucan-Smith: Yeah, then we got back in the plane and took off from a dirt strip in a cotton field. It was bumpy. Then…
Autumn is quiet for a long time. I don’t want to interrupt her thought process but I begin to wonder if she’s fallen asleep again.
Lucan-Smith: Lightning! There’s lightning but I can see stars. The plane starts to shake. I get out of my seat and lay on the floor on top of one of dad’s bags. I have my cheek pushed against the blue notebook he tapped against his thigh when he was on the phone. It smells like – ugh – mildew and wet dirt. Or creosote mixed with rotting fruit?
Lucan-Smith: The pilot, he sees me. He turns around and says, “Honey, I need you to get back in your seat and buckle the belt, ok? We’ll be fine but you could fall and get a scrape on your knee. How about you come up here with me and read one of your story books?” His name was George, I think.
Lucan-Smith: I go up to the front with George and then I can see the clouds. Weird, sulfurous clouds swirling around us. They looked like cartoon pollution clouds from Captain Planet. The plane shook harder in the storm and-
Autumn goes silent again. I try to ask a question but she holds up a hand like she’s on the phone. Then she opens her eyes.
Lucan-Smith: I think I’m fully awake now. I remember what happened to George, though. He hit his head against the glass when the plane jerked. I could see a smear of blood when he slumped in his seat. My dad pulled George out of the seat and took the wheel. I know you’re supposed to call it a stick in a plane, but this one actually looked like a wheel. The storm cleared up and we landed. George was dead.
Denton: One of the vivid thoughts you pictured on the Southwest flight was people banging their heads against the door frame. I wonder if it came from this?
Lucan-Smith: The way the lightning flashed through the blood, like red cello paper… Some of the blood I imagined did flow far enough to cover the windows. Yeah; it looked just like that. I remember dreaming about this, about George, but I thought… I thought I made it up. Just a nightmare.
Proschutz: Would you like to go back under?
Lucan-Smith: No, I think I want to go back to my hotel room. I don’t feel very well.
I drove Autumn back to the Circus Circus. It was a quiet ride, Autumn’s eyes stared out the windshield, unfocused and unseeing. Presumably, she was reliving her childhood memories.
The next morning, I had missed a call from Autumn. Her husband and son were flying back from Florida to their new home in Oregon. It was the first time any of them would actually see the house – they had moved to accommodate Autumn’s new job at OSU – and she wanted to be there with them. She did say there was a silver lining to being stranded in Las Vegas; she didn’t have to go on her son’s first airplane ride with him where he could pick up all her anxieties and phobias. I had to agree.
Autumn wanted to try implosion therapy and recreate the conditions of that last flight she took with her father. I had mentioned in our second session that I knew a Cessna pilot who helped me treat fear of flying. When I told her I would have to ask about the pilot’s schedule, Autumn told me money was no object; if the pilot could be free today with a five thousand dollar bonus, that was best. I didn’t peg Autumn as someone with a lot of extra money, so I knew her desire to see her family was strong. She wanted to conquer her fears so she could go home. It was brave and noble. I told her I’d see what I could do.
As luck would have it, Elisa Maldonado was free. She had been fine tuning her plane’s engine – a task she seemed to be in the middle of every time I called her – and stopped for a quick breakfast at the airport café. We had a delay of about an hour while Elisa filed our flight manifest, but we were in the air before lunch.
Lucan-Smith: You know, I remembered some weird things but I think playing with my Teddy Ruxpin while my dad partied with a drug kingpin is probably the weirdest one. Maybe not the most mentally scarring. But definitely weird.
Denton: Maybe your dad was more Meyer Wolfsheim than T. J. Eckleburg?
Autumn laughs and leans back in her seat. We’re ascending through minor turbulence and she doesn’t seem phased. I’m proud of her but also astounded. From psychosis to complete serenity after one hypnotherapy treatment? If anything, Autumn seemed impatient.
Maldonado: Phineas, get up here.
Denton: Something wrong?
Maldonado: Look at that shit. Fucking thunderstorm erupted out of nothing as soon as we hit 7,000 feet. Looks like it’s blowing right toward us.
Denton: Can we go around it or land?
Maldonado: I’m going to try to go around it. Landing might be hard because it’s a congested time. Especially with that bitch of a storm rolling in.
Denton: Autumn, I have some bad news. There’s a storm heading our way.
Lucan-Smith: I know. Very yellow, right? Cartoon pollution?
I looked out the cockpit window again. She was right.
Denton: Yes.
Lucan-Smith: Look, Dr. Denton, I think I should come clean about yesterday. When I said my dad partying with Don Felix was the weirdest thing I remembered, you didn’t know that there was a lot of competition for that top spot.
Lucan-Smith: George died, yeah, but… The artifacts my dad got from the drug dealers. The ones that made me feel weird, the black eggs? They started shaking before the plane. Before the lightning. Obviously I was too young to make a connection at the time, but I think they were calling to something. It’s simple physics; the more altitude you give a transmitter, the farther it can reach. There are fewer obstacles in the way to impede the signal.
Lucan-Smith: That’s what happened with those eggs. And the feeling changed. At the villa, I felt like I was watching it. As the plane shook, I felt like they were watching me. And what they were thinking… it wasn’t good.
Maldonado: What the fuck did you get me into, Phineas? I’ve never seen a storm move like this. It’s like it’s got goddamn fingers reaching out at us!
Lucan-Smith: When my dad realized what was happening, he had me lay down on the bag of trinkets to keep them still. He pulled out a little walkie-talkie and started screaming into it. “Camelot! Camelot! Come in, damn you! I have Items 26 and 27 but we’re under attack. I think it might be some kind of sonic weapon. Was there any chatter stateside about my mission? Camelot?” It was like he was playing soldier.
Denton: Autumn, why didn’t you tell me this? Was he part of a DEA operation or something?
The turbulence in our own plane was considerable. The midday light that had been streaming through the windows had faded to a sickly mustard color and I could hear Elisa cursing as she fought with the controls in the cockpit.
Lucan-Smith: I didn’t go to the cockpit with George to read then; he was too busy fighting to keep the plane stable. I stayed in the back with Dad, who told me to put the black eggs in my dress pockets. When the yellow clouds swirling around our plane started to seep in under the doors and seams in the bolted hull, I was right there laying on top of the army duffel bag. The fog streamed past my face – fast enough to sound like a Coke can opening in slow motion – and coalesced into a misty, malformed body, like a hologram projected onto dry ice smoke.
Lucan-Smith: It touched my father’s hand, almost like a handshake, and he writhed in pain. When he finally extricated himself from it, his hand dripped with blood. The nails were gone. And then it spoke.
Lucan-Smith: “Guy Lucan. You owe me life. You took my body from me and now,” the cloud raised one tendril that was polka-dotted with gory fingernails, “I take yours.”
Lucan-Smith: My dad looked in my direction. “Go, Autumn. Give those to George.” I left but, behind me, I could hear him say, “I have the vessels. You need them to walk the earth again. Isn’t that right, Safir? Kill me and you get nothing.”
Lucan-Smith: “Where?” it asked.
Lucan-Smith: My dad called for George to set the autopilot and join him in the back. I was crouched on the floor, peeking around the corner. George put on a brave face and puffed out his chest as he strode toward whatever cotton candy demon he was going to face down with my father. My father put a hand on George’s shoulder. One single pat. Then he threw open the airplane door and kicked George out. His head cracked against the bulkhead and blood splattered across the window. I rushed to the cockpit window to see him. I had just handed George the two black eggs and I could see one spiral out of his coat pocket as he fell, shrinking into the yellow void. The mist itself chased down after George, save for the ghoul wearing my father’s hastily removed fingernails. “This will be the last time you trick me, Lucan,” it said. “I will have Lucan blood. I will wear Lucan flesh. If not yours, then someone you love. Your bloodline will end, Guy Lucan.”
Lucan-Smith: “You’d better not let the vessels fall so low you can’t catch them,” was all my father said in return. He flew the rest of the way back, talking on his radio and reading out of the blue book that stank like a grave.
Denton: Autumn, I think this might be your psychosis manifesting itself again. We’re in a plane, it’s a stressful event, you’re distracting yourself from real life.
Lucan-Smith: No, Dr. Denton, I’m not. Something happened on that Southwest flight. I heard a voice, something whispering ‘Safir’ to me. It was important. It felt like something was coming and… and all I could see were plane crashes clouding the inside of my brain. I think it was a message. Safir is back and he’s going to follow through on his threat. Lucan blood will be spilled.
I shook my head and stood up. Maybe I was wrong about Autumn. Maybe she wasn’t a mentally healthy woman with a severe phobia capable of producing psychoses. Maybe the psychoses and the phobia were driven by some deeper, insidious disorder I had missed.
Lucan-Smith: And my son goes on his first flight today. In two and a half hours. He and I are the only Lucans left. If I didn’t convince you to get me up here, Safir would be coming for him. But, instead, he’s here.
As she says this, Autumn points at the seam of the Cessna door where thick yellow smoke pours into the cabin.
Lucan-Smith: You helped me realize what was actually going on. Thank you.
Golden strands of cloudy haze wrapped themselves around Autumn’s torso, enveloping her.
Lucan-Smith: Hey, now you’re Nick. You’re the outsider who gets to peek in. See you ‘round, Old Sport.
Autumn was entirely obscured from my sight, then the mist filled the cabin entirely. It was so dense I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. Then, as if a switch flipped, it was gone. The sky outside the plane was clear and there was no turbulence.
Maldonado: What in the actual shit was that? Phineas, how long do you think we've been up here?
Denton: I don’t… Autumn?
Maldonado: Feels like about a half hour to me. Maybe forty-five minutes. Right, Phineas?
Denton: Yeah. I'd say so. Autumn, where are you? Did you fall out of your seat?
Maldonado: All my clocks show we've been up here two hours. Two hours! But we've still got a full tank of gas. How does that happen?
Denton: Interesting. Autumn? Elisa, where the hell is Autumn?
Maldonado: Your patient is gone? Did- Holy shit, did she fall out? What the fuck?
When Elisa and I finally landed, Elisa’s Cessna was seized for a ‘quarantine watch’. Whatever that is. I don’t know how they knew where to find us, or how they even knew they should. ‘They’ didn’t even tell us who they were. I didn’t report Autumn missing until we were on the ground and the police didn’t know anything about it. So whoever showed up in black SUVs certainly was not LVPD.
The police questioned Elisa and me intensively, but ultimately decided we didn’t have anything to do with the disappearance. No one had fallen onto the Strip from eight thousand feet. Autumn just vanished.
Additional note: Several patient files are missing from my filing cabinet at the Las Vegas office. I’ve moved this file to my home office for safety. I’m probably being paranoid, but I can’t shake the feeling there’s a connection between the missing files and the seizure of Elisa’s plane.

Best casino in Las Vegas for vegans

Casino Near Me

Vegas Trip 2/4-2/6 Follow up

2/4:
Took an early flight into LAS with friends. Was way too early to check into my room. Headed North on the strip from Bally's. Stopped at Margaritaville, tables were extremely crowded, even at about 8:30am. Decided to keep walking. Checked out the Linq and Harrah's. The tables were also pretty crowded, the staff reminded me it was the morning after the Super Bowl, which explains the crowd.

Finally made my way down to Casino Royale. My previous post it was suggested. They had a low limit table at 10$ and the table was just as people had explained to me. An enormous table, clearly seen a lot of mileage. A true testament to the classic game of craps. I bought in 120$, my friend who's never played craps had bought in 100$. I mostly do The John Boender Inside/Out Press/Regress initially using the field as coverage. It's a slow build strategy that I thoroughly enjoy. It feels pretty safe in regards to a low buy in, and I have the option to add odds as I please.
The table was extremely cold when we bought in. Immediately two shooters roll a point, seven out. Finally it's my turn to shoot. I always play with a hardway set, 5's on top with 3 and 4 face. I didn't really think about how much longer the Casino Royale Table was at first. Initially threw a Hard 4. Threw quite a few short rolls realizing that the table was much longer than my local casino. The dealers were nice, and had been dealing there for quite a few years.

At the end of my hot roll, which had to have been at least 20 or so. I had tripled my money. I always take down everything but the pass and add odds when I feel my luck has been pushed. I finally seven'd out and it was my friends turn to roll. He went about 11 rolls, I placed 6/8 and told him I'd cash out after his roll. He also did. I wanted to end on a high note for his introduction to craps.

Showed my friend the White Castle, and the foot long hot dogs at Casino Royale. By the time we got back to Bally's it was well past the Check in time. We had a nap and proceeded to walk the Vegas Strip at night.

We headed down the Strip South this time. Stopped at the Taco Bell Cantina to show my friends they served Alcohol here. It was their first time in Vegas. We proceeded to the NYNY Casino. I didn't like the 15$ tables. I was ahead on the first day, didn't want to immediately lose it. We drank and played slots for awhile, and headed to the Excalibur. Users had told me there was a 5$ table there and it would be a good place for my friends to learn more without risking too much. Table was cold as it could be. Only one winning was the don't player which my friends were curious about.
Bought in 120$, lost 80$ over an hour, decided to colorup and mess around on the Roulette table. I was pretty drunk by this point.

Took my friends to see the inside of the Luxor, then caught a cab back to Bally's.

2/5
Got back pretty late in the morning, so we all slept until about 2pm. Headed to Bellagio, wanted to show my friends the amazing Casino floor there. We only played slots there, I had won 80$ in my first couple spins and was ready to go. We then headed to the Bacchanal Buffet. After eating we headed down to Fremont St. I had never been there same as my friends. An absolutely amazing experience. Initially headed to Fremont Casino. Their table was crowded and the placed seemed a bit old. Headed to The D instead. The D was by far my favorite craps table during the whole trip. Dealers were friendly and a huge part of celebrating our wins. They were informative to a family of new players were next to me. They were very friendly with my dice setting. I had a hardways streak in which I was rolling 4's and 10's like no tomorrow. I had yet another hot roll and was enjoying the night, winning big as were my friends. On the third Hard 4 the dealers called the pit boss over. I was initially worried, then he simply told me to "Throw another one" When I did, he cheered with the whole table. It was clear to me that this casino cares more about their patrons fun than scolding a dice setter. The dancers by the tables games were a big hit with my friends. By far my favorite craps table.

Headed back to the Fremont around 1am. Lost 120$ there, the table was cold as all hell. The dealers there were no where near as friendly with my dice setting as The D. While they were friendly with their reminders to really hit the back wall(I was just not hitting the pyramids). I sensed they were getting irritated with me. Which I don't have a problem with, I was also pretty buzzed. Finished my game, tipped the dealers and headed back to the Hotel.

2/6
We had a late flight back home, so I figured we'd end where we started, Casino Royale. I bought in 240$, the table was a 5$ min on Wednesday. The dealers and pit boss were rather rude this time around. I had seen 4 people get kicked out off the blackjack table during my game. They were outright ignoring new players next to me asking questions. They were extremely rude to me while setting the dice this time around. A completely different vibe from day 1. Berating me "not to play with the dice" when I was setting them just as I was the previous 4 rolls. I had one roll where I landed an Easy 4. only one of the dice had bounced off the back wall. They reminded me to hit the back wall with both. I tossed out a dollar on each of the hardways, one of my chips had rolled across the table. I was met with a rather uncalled for "Really dude?" followed by a sigh from the dealer to my right. The stickman was the one to retrieve that bet anyways, this dealer clearly just hated his job. So I throw another roll, hard 10. This time I don't give a shit what the Casino has to say. They've showed their clear dislike of me and had no intention to change it. I was constantly apologizing for prop bets I threw rolling elsewhere, and they simply kept berating me and trying to make me feel bad for it. I was called "Unbelievable" when setting down my place bets and accidentally knocking the stack over with my sleeve. Mind you the stack was 10 chips tall and they had not rolled anywhere in this instant. Getting back to my roll, I had had enough of this Casino's staff. I got damn good at throwing hard 4's short during my stay, was certain this casino was gonna kick me off the table if not off the property. I tossed 5$ on hard 4 and a 25$ place bet and went to work. First Hard 4 was short, I told them to press both my 4's. second roll was a 9 which I also had placed, third was a Hard 4 again. In which the pit boss had reminded me to hit the back wall with both of the dice. My forth roll was yet another hard 4 at which the pit boss came to me and stated that both the dice need to hit that back wall, or I am off the table. I politely agreed and followed by taking all my bets down except for the pass with full odds on the 8. I slammed the dice against the back wall and hit the point. When hard 8 rolled, I immediately saw disappointment in the staff. All their heads tilted down and let out a sigh at the fact that a player was winning.
I was thoroughly disgusted with how the staff was that day. Instead of continuing, I asked to color up and pass to the next shooter. I was quite through with the dull attitude of their staff. I came out 338$ and still tipped them 8$. I could not believe how obnoxious they were. Every winning shooter was met with attitude while I was there. I took my money and left. I had told my friends about my experience. They both met me with similar stories about the bartender being rude to them. We headed to the Bellagio Fountains for a show and proceeded to the airport, ending our trip.
This was my first time playing craps in Vegas, I hadn't been here in a few years. Overall a successful trip and an unforgettable experience, especially at Casino Royale. I can't help but be happy I left 300$ up, and that most of the winning were from the Casino that was treating their players like absolute shit.

If you made it through the post, thanks for reading! I just figured I'd post a followup from my initial post asking for casino suggestions. The D by far was the funnest most friendly place to play. Even the players were an absolute joy to be around.
Thanks again! I hope to see some of you at the Craps tables in the future!
-Kyle

Planning a Guys Trip for 5 - Noob at Gambling, Resorts, and Budgeting

Going to Vegas in July - I've been doing my research so hope this can help others.

I'm going in July and have done some research.
Plenty of this is from the sidebar, but other notes are from many of other sources.
The Vegas Degenerate Tour ( . ) ( . )
Things to do:

Drugs
Hookers
Bellagio Fountains (free)
Mirage Volcano Show (free)
The lounge at the top of the Mandarin Oriental - Super Classy with amazing night time views, sexy patrons and great cocktails
Wet Republic - Rent cabana 2 months in advance
Las Vegas Helicopter Night Flight with VIP Transportation £65pp
Grand Canyon Skywalk - Apparently Expensive and not that good - you have to take a bus to get there and it is $30 each. Go to Grand Canyon south instead.
The Strip Gun Club Range
Sapphires pool party - strippers pool party!!!
Fremont Street Experience at night.
Container Park, which is a few blocks east of the Freemont St. Experience, a 2 foot recycled steel praying mantis (acquired from Burning Man) spits giant fireballs to the beat of music A LOT. Lots of half naked men and women. LOTS (free)
Ghost Bar at the Palms has amazing views. Check Groupon for deals. Happy hour 8-10pm
Stratosphere rides
Stratosphere bar at the top. Happy hour 2 hours after open
High Roller observation wheel. Get a car with the open bar.
Monte Carlo minus 5 Ice bar. Everything is made out of ice! Bar, glasses, seating - everything
RiRa Irish bar with live music and good Guinness after 9pm
The Foundation Room at Mandalay Bay, live music and amazing strip views
Strip clubs: Spearmint Rhino, Hustler Club and Crazy Horse--those are our top 3 Rhino and Horse are high end and classy
Top Golf location, just behind MGM. 5 levels of golf driving range, mixed with music, food and drinks. There are also 2 pools, free to use.#
Dig This drive diggers and bulldozers.
Spa in the ARIA is amazing with good treatments.
Alibi show http://alibitheshow.com/ This experience throws the audience into an exciting adventure around the streets, restaurants, bars and other real-life locations on the Las Vegas Strip.
BARE POOL AT MIRAGE: Go on Monday. At Bare, experience palm tree-enclosed seclusion as you relax and enjoy European-style sunbathing at Bare Pool at The Mirage. Read more https://jackcolton.com/las-vegas-dayclubs/bare-pool-mirage/
Ride in a stuntplane! Actual vomiting everywhere http://www.skycombatace.com/
Best price supercar rentals https://www.vegasluxuryrides.com
Lake Mead boat rental boatbound.com
Absinthe at Ceaser’s Palace amazing offensive comedy show http://www.ticketmaster.com/Absinthe-tickets/artist/802082
There is so much free stuff going on up and down the strip though that you can just do all the free stuff and not spend a dime. From street dancers, people singing, or pictures with a grown dude wearing a diaper.
Eclipse cinemas downtown for an over 21s only luxury cinema experience with cocktails and good food.
The Linq promenade is a very nice area
Treasures strip club: have a nice buffet and steak to go with your titty show http://www.treasureslasvegas.com/
VooDoo Zipline at Rio Groupon $44 for two
REAL BODIES at Ballys Groupon $35.50 for two

Tips:

Hotel picker https://farm1.staticflickr.com/770/21800142824_6dddea1786_k.jpg
$50 a night dining credit at ARIA somehow - research
Do the $20 checking tip trick. Slip a $20 in between card and ID and ask to see if an upgrade is possible.
Get player’s cards - sign up for the Player's Club (free) in each casino, they will usually give you some sort of incentive
Buy water at a supermarket and keep at hotel
Taxi from Airport request avoid the I-215 Airport Tunnel and go via Strip
http://www.tix4tonight.com for tickets on the night
Drinks are ALWAYS cheaper inside the casinos on Fremont than outside
Harrah's has a "Million Dollar Pull" where you just go up and play a slot machine for free with the chance to win $1 million. Even if you don't win a million, you will always win something.
If you want to go to top of the Stratosphere go to the desk to the right of the entrance and say you want to go to the bar. You won't have to pay the $15 to go to the top.
Marketing manager for the Aria https://www.reddit.com/usetedistkrieg
Have the clubs pick you up in their limos because all the cab/ubelyft/limo drivers get a kick back on anyone they drop off to the clubs and same with the VIP card guys! So if you don't use the free limo ... THE CLUB HAS TO CHARGE YOU A COVER!!! If you use the clubs FREE limo service they can sometimes wave that cover charge!! (that's like $20 a person!)
Check for Groupon deals.
Make sure you all download the Uber and Lyft app. Both offer new user signup credits. Free rides.
A $400 Pre-Authorisation charge for resort fees and ‘amenities’ was taken as expected upon check in. I would recommend UK visitors to take a Cash Passport MasterCard (available in Thomas Cook and other travel agents)

Clubs

Hosts contacts list for all major clubs: https://jackcolton.com/
You can view hotel discounts at up to 30% as well as VIP table service for nightclubs at: www.VegasJames.com for strip clubs at: www.StripperKing.com
XS Encore
Hakkasan MGM
Light inside the Mandalay Bay
Tryst Wynn
Vegas local youtuber and bouncehost Jacob Orth to hook us up with limo service to the Hustler club
Places we personally recommend from experience:
Hakkasan
Omnia
The Light
XS
XS does a nightitme pool party
Gold Spike nightclub / hotel in Downtown is a bit more ‘Hipster’
This list offers plenty more clubs to check out (many of which don’t require a cover).
http://www.vegasvip.com/nightclubs.html

Food

Alizé Tasting Menu - get groupon for discount £350 > $200
Sage in the Aria has a highly rated tasting menu
Aria buffet one of the best
Joël Robuchon in MGM is crazy silly expensive but amazing food 16 course taster $425 each without drinks https://www.mgmgrand.com/en/restaurants/joel-robuchon-french-restaurant.html
Guy Savoy at Caesars Palace a little cheaper 9 course tasting for $260/person or a $350/person 14 course tasting https://www.caesars.com/caesars-palace/restaurants/guy-savoy#.WI8vkRuLTIU
é by Jose Andres inside Jaleo inside Cosmo. Only 8 seats, reservations by email only ([email protected]) starting 3 months prior to the res date, 23 courses. $190/person(?) without alcohol pairing
Raku in Chinatown does amazing 8/12 course tastings for $70/100 a person
The tasting, or "seasonal discover menu" at L'Atelier is up to $165 per person
Eiffel Tower restaurant is a Must for dinner!!!!!!!! Fantastic view of the strip
Good steakhouses serve food at the restaurant bar and the bartender has seen some shit. So much more fun for a party up to three and the service is over the top.
Delmonico's in Venetian at the bar. The cocktails and food were amazing.
Mushashi's dirty show (Japanese steak with a naughty show for the girls.) Midnight to 4am happy hour.
Secret Pizza. A secret pizza place. Needs research! Inside the Cosmopolitan
Bachi Burger – also to reunite with a previous memory. I still think this is one of the top 3 burgers I’ve ever had. The oxtail chili cheese fries are recommended by others to be a “must”, but I personally prefer the truffle fries.
Monta Ramen – I’m a huge ramen fan and I understood this was the –best- ramen place in Vegas.
Sweets Raku – in the same complex as Monta Ramen. They have some neat desserts that they make right in front of you, lovely experience.
Wicked Spoon Buffet at the Cosmo. Everything was really good and the deserts were awesome.
Brunch @ Bacchanal Buffet, Caesar’s Palace – This was awesome! We had the groupon deal and it was impressively cheap. Midway through our meal they switched to their lunch menu so we got the best of both worlds there.
Gordon Ramsey’s Burgr – onion rings were incredible. The burger was pretty good as well.
Earl of Sandwich - I could seriously eat these every day.
Studio B Buffet @ M Resort
The "Heart Attack Grill" lets you eat free if you weigh over 350 pounds.
Marriage Can Be Murder - This is a dinner / theater / murder mystery / whodunit show at the D downtown. Includes tasty food, extreme audience participation and likely embarrassment. You may be called upon to dance, or play a character in the murder mystery. Comes with tasty food, cocktails available.
For dinner, I highly recommend BLT Steak House in Ballys Hotel and Red8 in The Wynn - if you are a food lover, BLT’s is particularly worth the extra!

Sex/Swingers Clubs (Or; no, you filthy pervert - what's wrong with you?)

The Red Rooster http://www.yelp.com/biz/las-vegas-red-rooster-las-vegas
The Green Door http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-green-door-las-vegas
Couple's Oasis http://www.couplesoasis.com/main/

Drive:
Drive along east CA down US-395 and crossing over to Nevada after Death Valley is one of the greatest drives I have ever done.
Guides:

Edited to include corrections.

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