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So then 87 coming out on schedule. I know I'm spoiling you today ;) Time to crank up the wholesomeness possibly beat the shit out of some random guy in the street and generally figuring out what the fuck to do next.
As per usual UnwaveringGrey and TwoFlower68 have done their level best to sanitize the chapter. If I managed to slip one past them do please report it to your nearest execution squad so it may be dealt with properly.
In other news, proper art is officially commissioned and likely due sometime later this month. I'm so excited! But without further ado let's get on with the story.
ko-fi For having a pretty picture commissioned.
Sapphire
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Chapter 87: Knight In Shining Armor
“Wait, she is your only healer?” Tom questioned.
“Yes, they are a rare breed, young man,” The lady replied very apologetically, almost bowing before him.
“No, don't do that,” Tom protested. “You people both suffered and survived, not to mention your son technically saved me and Jackalope. Hopefully, Unkai can lend a hand when he gets here then, ‘cause she is spent,” Tom glanced at the healer who was still sleeping up against the wall where she had been when he woke up.
The Lady looked like she was going to protest until he reached the last sentence. “You brought a healer with you? Out here?” The lady questioned, clearly not believing him entirely.
“We did, yes, in case we found wounded. And that we certainly did. I was just hoping we could have Jacky’s ears looked at, but I guess that will have to wait.”
“I’m sorry, but we don’t have anything else that can help I’m afraid.”
“I hate not knowing what’s going on,” Jackalope exclaimed, crossing her arms looking at the two of them with a distinctly unimpressed expression.
“I guess I’ll be miming to you for a bit longer. Actually no, I brought the note block. I will be just a second,” Tom replied walking jogging over to his backpack, the confused Jackalope following along.
“You got something that can fix ears in there?” she questioned hopefully. She was getting a bit better at keeping the volume down, though she was still rather loud. Then again, that was pretty standard all things considered.
Tom got out the block to begin noting things down for her. ‘We can't fix your ears, not yet at least. Other people need to be looked at first. Maybe when we get home.’
She did seem a little annoyed after reading that, sighing a bit and looking back up at him.
“So what now, we help clean this place up? Take up watch? Or just sit back and relax?”
“You two sit back for now. I won’t have you risking your lives for our skins and then cleaning up the mess as well,” the old granny replied, trying to speak up enough to be heard across the room. Tom certainly didn’t have a problem with that. He did not really feel like hard work right now.
Jacky was clearly sore and her breathing still wasn’t quite right, so he guessed she could use the rest as well. “Do you have a place we can stay, or… ?”
“Infirmary is full I’m afraid. We do have some rooms,” the old lady replied.
“Actually I think we have a big friend in need of a bit of company when he wakes up,” Tom replied, looking towards Jarix. “We will keep our stuff with us if shit hits the fan.”
“If it does what?”
“Right, uhm… goes south. If bad things start happening,” the lady looked at him more than a little confused, but she relented eventually.
“Yes, we don’t have many people left who could fight. I will bring you something to eat, for the blood loss. I don’t know if it will help for your kind but it couldn’t hurt.”
They made their way to Jarix, who was sleeping like a rock. Tom began taking off the very uncomfortable holsters and belts. He looked like a fucking joke right now. Goddamn Florida Man running around with guns and ammo in his damn underpants. He put down the equipment in nice little piles, rechecking that everything was loaded if he needed it.
He could hear Jackalope getting out of her armor behind him. That stuff wasn't the most comfortable to sleep in after all.
“You okay?” Jacky asked in a rather worried tone after a bit. “After yesterday you’re… you’re not quite the same.” Tom turned around to look at her. She was looking at him with an expression of genuine worry.
‘That obvious, huh?’ Tom thought to himself, shoulders sagging even more. He couldn’t even blame her for catching it. His head just wasn’t in it right now, whether that was because of the fighting, the screaming, the blood loss, bodies flying everywhere last night, the fact they weren’t quite out of the woods yet, or that the ones back home would soon be getting worried. They were supposed to be back tonight after all. He didn't even know what time it was apart from rather early. He was also still tired as fuck despite just getting up. There was just too much to worry about right now.
“Look at me, would you?” Jackalope demanded, a hint of hurt in her voice. Tom snapped up to look her in the eyes, feeling more than a little ashamed of that. “Just like Sapphire said, you worry about everything. You can’t not worry… Well right now, just try not to, okay? It’s gonna be fine.”
Tom did crack a little smile before looking back down at the floor. That was very far from guaranteed, there were still many things which could go wrong. What if this wasn’t the only raiding party? What if Bizmati Keep was a ruin? What if something had found the kids in the forest? What if Jackalope's ears couldn't be fixed? what if…
Jackalope grabbed him by the shoulder, turning him around to face away from her. Then she folded her arms and wings around him, lifted him off his feet, and backed up against Jarix's side. She sat down in the nook of the dragon’s armpit and snuggled up against the dragon while clutching Tom tightly.
“I’m never gonna have a cold night again,” she let out, sounding very content. “And you are in the safest place in the world. Here you're not allowed to worry about everything. You are in a locked-down keep, sleeping with a dragon and if that doesn't do it, Then I will, so relax… please dude.”
“That might be the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me,” Tom replied, not that she could hear it of course. “Well, except for saving my life a few times… you people do that a lot don’t you?.. What did I do to deserve you?” He tried to snuggle up a bit closer to her, even if that was hard to achieve in her current grip. Jarix’s slow steady breathing almost rocking them to sleep.
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“Now I just want to ask you some questions, nothing more, so don’t panic,” Maiko went as they turned the guy around. The guy looked scared shitless to Sapphire. He was a rather short spindly fellow as well, so looked really unintimidating right about now.
“And just in case you think running is smart. I’m possibly the fastest flyer you have met and I won’t be gentle with my prey,” Sapphire added, trying to look menacing and baring her teeth, while Maiko was clearly going for the more friendly approach. The guy just swallowed once, looking at the two of them.
“I was just told to find out what you’re doing, I swear nothing more.”
“So what did you learn?” Maiko asked, still sounding very friendly.
“You go to the inventor's place regularly, you are making something weird, you have been to the Hashaw’s place, and you are staying at the Sweet Dragon.”
“And who are you supposed to give all this lovely information?” Maiko continued.
“I was just paid by some woman, I didn’t know her, I swear. She just asked if I wanted to make a bit of easy money.”
Sapphire opened her mouth a bit, letting out a deep growl. The guy was fidgeting nervously at that as Dakota, Balethon, and Junior trooped up behind him.
“I’m guessing rather fine clothes and perhaps some rather nice jewelry?” Dakota asked, causing the guy to go stiff.
“I mean yeah… she did look rather rich.”
“How were you supposed to let her know?”
“I should meet her at the big plaza in front of the trading guild tomorrow after breakfast.”
“Right, well first off that’s not going to happen,” Dakota went from behind him. “Secondly, if we catch you following us again I’ll let Sapphire here demonstrate why she isn't even allowed to compete in archery competitions. Am I clear?” Her voice was cold and calculating, the guy nodding rapidly. “Out of curiosity, what did she pay you.”
“15 silver.” ‘Well, for tailing someone that was a rather good pay.’ The guy didn't exactly look well off either, so Sapphire could see him taking that offer without a second thought.
“Actually, I think I might have a better idea,” Sapphire Interruptet. “What would we like them to know?” Dakota looked to Sapphire, her face turning into an evil grin.
“What do you say, Maiko?”
“I mean, if this guy doesn’t want to go to jail for disturbing the peace and spying on military matters he might be useful.” Sapphire was pretty sure you could not go to jail for that. Nor was this military matter, in any capacity. “So what do you say, willing to lend the Royal Guard and a few people in high standing with the king a hand, or do I need to get some manacles?” Maiko questioned, looking down at the guy.
“Treworian at your service, sir,” The man responded, eyes wide as the situation he found himself in seemingly hit him like a battering ram.
“Come with us then. We have some things to discuss,” Dakota went, nodding to the others.
They took the guy back to the workshop where Tink was currently busy repairing the damage to the magnet.
“Back so soon?”
“Yeah, we found a nosey little bastard.”
“And you brought him here?” Tink questioned, clearly not happy with that.
“Yes, we did. Now Treworian, may I call you Trewor?” Dakota questioned, turning to the man.
“Yes ma’am, of course,” he responded, eagerly. ‘God damn he’s scared,’ Sapphire mused to herself. They weren’t gonna hurt the dude unless they had to, but it was probably best he didn’t know that.
“As you can see, we are making very dangerous new weapons here, under the authority of the king no less.” Tink looked ready to protest when Junior kicked him in the shin, shutting him up. “Have you heard of the attacks on the outlying keeps?”
Trewor nodded, looking around the room worriedly at all the strange bits and bobs.
“We are looking to put an end to that once and for all. Now the reason I’m showing you all this is because if you tell anyone that is treason, and you know what that means.” ‘Oh you evil genius,’ Sapphire thought to herself, doing a gesture of Trewor falling a very long way down, convincing sounds included. The guy went even paler than before.
“So what I want you to do, is tell the sweet lady who hired you that we are making some kind of invention as a present for the King himself and that it looks very expensive and very complicated. So you can’t possibly figure out what it is. But you did manage to sneak in while we were out and read a very official-looking document, stating who had hired us, and that the present is expected to be done in time for… Anyone know when there is some sort of big event coming up with the royal family?” Dakota questioned looking around.
“One of the princes is graduating from the academy this summer I think,” Maiko responded.
“That will do. A present for the prince in time for his graduation. Can you do that?”
“Sure can, don’t you worry. I ain’t no traitor”
“Very good. Now, remember, if you tell her the truth it’s a long way down okay?”
“A very long way indeed,” Sapphire added, with as much venom in her voice as she could manage. Trewor just nodded furiously.
“Good lad, now run along now, you have work to do,” Dakota continued, letting go of him. Trewor stormed out the door, Junior going over to close it after him.
They all stood there for a second before everyone except Tink broke out laughing.
“You’re all crazy” The inventor finally went in a disapproving tone, Which only caused Sapphire to laugh even harder.
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When Tom woke up again, he was greeted by a dragon's head lying on the ground in front of him, staring at him with a sly smile.
“Someone got comfortable?” Jarix questioned, sounding very pleased with himself.
“You're just jealous; no one is big enough to wrap you up like this,” Tom replied from his prison of safety. “What time is it?”
“Hmmph, no clue, it’s getting late though. They brought you something because you decided to spray blood everywhere. Oh and your clothes. The girl tried to apologize for not being able to get them properly clean. That took a bit of explaining.”
Tom chuckled at that. “I’m sure it did... Wait did they use you as a washing line?”
“It looked wet, so why not?” Jarix responded. Tom cracked a proper smile at that.
“The world's most expensive washing assistant.”
“Yeah… Not exactly the world’s best night fighter, that’s for sure,” Jarix let out with a sigh. “I have never had my ass whopped that hard before.”
“Hey! You don’t get to feel sorry about that. You killed all three of those big bastards. And no one seems to know what they were... I never thought I would need to tell you this but be a little proud of that.” Jarix did perk up a bit at that, not much though.
“I only got two, and the last one would have gotten me I think... But I did tell you, you would be great at getting things off my back, hey. Even if that was not quite how I intended it”
“Can’t argue with that. By the way, have your decades of training to become a perfect killing machine told you what they might be?”
“No, I got nothing. Definitely a foul thing. It must have been able to see me approach to land that hit.”
“Yeah, if it sees like a bat then that thing sees using sound.”
“Wait, what?” Jarix questioned. “Can't they just see well in the dark?”
“Nope, they use their ears. That was no ordinary bat though, that is for damn sure.”
“No it was not… I’ve been thinking. My father said the darklings had a ride they kept falling back to when they attacked him… Do you think we just found what it was?”
Tom had to think about that for a bit. “Fuck, it might be… Is that bad?”
“Yes. Very! That means they have a new way of traveling long distances. That’s never good.” Tom felt Jackalope begin to stir as Jarix talking jostled the two of them around a bit.
“No Tom, you’re not leaving yet, this is nice,” she let out still half asleep, squeezing Tom tighter.
“I think for the Time being we need not worry, we just killed three of them there can’t be more around or they would be everywhere”
Jarix looked rather curiously at their arrangement. “Shouldn’t we worry? This could be very bad, we can't just sit here”
“Not much to do except let the people who can do something about it know. We were supposed to scout not fight. So let’s just worry about that and the kids for now. Besides, you aren't going anywhere in a hurry, right?” Jarix looked rather ashamed as he craned his head to look at this own back, expression turning pained.
“No, I am not.”
“Well then, neither am I and neither is Jacky. Unkai is needed here. And we aren’t sending Zarko alone. Even if Jacky or Unkai could find their way back to the keep… Actually, Jacky is deaf so that would be kinda hard… And Unkai might not even know… Well, that settles it then, we aren’t going anywhere 'till you can fly again.”
“Maybe we could get some of these nice people to fly the message. We were sent by the king remember”
“I mean maybe… perhaps at some point. Are my clothes dry yet?”
“They don’t feel cold anymore, so I guess so.”
Tom squirmed a bit to try and get free but Jackalope simply squeezed tighter. Jarix suppressed a snicker. “Uhh, I guess that’s nice to know. Jacky, I know you’re awake… goddammit.” Tom tried, Jarix starting to giggle properly.
“She’s got you now.”
“Well if you didn't want me to leave I don’t think I could either,” Tom retorted looking up at the dragon. “All joking aside, you did fucking amazing out there. I’m just sorry I couldn’t nail that bastard on your back sooner.”
“That hurt like hell. Also, don’t tell her, but I think Jackalope shot me.”
“Jarix, how bad is lead for a dragon?” Tom questioned.
“Don’t tell me they need to dig it out?”
“I mean they don't need to, but it’s in there now. And it’s made from copper and lead.”
Jarix looked over all the wounds strewn over him. The dragonettes had done a good job of patching most of them up, though several of the bandages were leaking fresh blood.
“I think it’ll stay in. Their healer would be done for 10 times over, trying to fix that mess I guess. So much for looking like a million gold.” Jarix seemed genuinely distraught at that.
“Hey think of it this way. You’re the first dragon ever to be shot with a gun. Have you ever heard the expression ‘Knight in shining armor’ by the way?”
“Yeah, like some young prince who everyone wants.”
“Well, would you look at that, a metaphor that transcends worlds? It actually means a man who has yet to be tested. That is why his armor is shiny. He hasn’t seen battle yet.”
“Couldn’t he just get it fixed and polished?”
“Maybe, but his armor would still carry scars of battle and most will leave them undisturbed as marks of experience. Just like you will now. Congratulations. You’ve been tested and you sure as fuck weren’t found wanting, you magnificent bastard.”
“Does that mean I passed a lesson?” Jarix questioned, seemingly very excited all of a sudden.
“With flying colors. Pun intended, not that I doubted you could fight” Tom joked cracking a smile “There are more to go through. And remember chicks dig scars.”
“Why do I want to impress a young chicken?”
“I guess that one doesn’t translate. Girls, Jarix. Girls love scars… Well some of them at least.”
“Ahhh that makes more sense, my back is gonna look wicked in that case… eventually.”
“Just think of Baron. He looked badass, didn’t he?”
“Sure, but most of those are from epic battles in the history books. He’s so freaking cool. I was told stories about him and the other veterans growing up.”
“You don’t think this one is going in there?”
“It’s just some battle for a keep. That happens all the time.”
‘Well, that is a rather depressing thought…' Tom hadn’t gotten that impression from the others though. “I don’t think you’re right, didn’t you say you had no clue what those bat things were? The first one is always remembered. You might be the first to ever kill one and the first to win a battle against them. First are always remembered.”
Jarix seemed to ponder that for a second before he lit up. “You mean I’m gonna be going in the history books for this?” he replied with genuine excitement in his voice.
“Well it’s possible, don’t you think? Besides if that doesn’t cut it, being the first dragon to carry a gun should damn well do the trick. You didn't even think of that?”
“I just wanted to win... “
“Bravo. That’s how it’s done,” Tom was actually genuinely surprised by that and really rather happy. It was clear this mattered to Jarix. Tom guessed he had been used to big battles with colorful depictions of heroes and their deeds. “You need to win no matter what, because history is written by the victor. I’m willing to bet that most of those stories you have heard aren’t really true. War is always a shit show, but if you win you can claim it wasn’t.”
“That is rather depressing,” Jarix responded.
“You remember what I said a while ago? Glory is your reward for doing terrible deeds, not to mention going through hell, hopefully for a good cause. We did that yesterday. That was all for a good cause, and that can’t be taken from you. So again, congratulations, big blue hero.”
“Well at what point are the two little ‘heroes’ gonna move? I haven't moved a muscle for an hour fearing I might squash you.”
“You are gonna have to take that one up with Jackalope,” Tom replied. He didn’t really want to get up, he was perfectly comfortable here, even if he was wondering how Jackalope wasn’t uncomfortable he was literally sitting in her lap and had been for hours by now. He should probably eat whatever was in that bowl too. It didn’t look particularly appetizing though.
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“Why haven't we heard anything yet?” Balethon questioned, between bites of dinner.
“Don’t know, might have stayed a little at Deriva? I would. It’s not often we get to see them, and the Lady there is very kind,” Sapphire replied in a hopeful tone. She was not sure she believed that though.
“They have Jarix with them. He could outrun almost anything,” Maiko replied. “If it was bad news, we would have heard from them by now. Likely this morning actually.”
“Unless they were dumb enough to try and help,” Dakota added in, sounding worried.
“I mean, Zarko follows orders, Unkai would likely be too scared, they won’t listen to Jacky. So that puts it down to Tom and Jarix,” Sapphire replied, thinking that over for a second. “Would Tom risk it?”
“I have no idea. Nunuk said he sounded troubled at the notion of even leaving the keep. But dammit if he is one to look the other way,” Dakota answered again before looking to Maiko. “What about Jarix?”
“Oh, he would for sure, but isn’t that what Tom had been trying to teach him not to do? Besides, I think he would listen to Zarko on that front. That and he has orders to follow, from the king no less.” Maiko certainly didn’t seem worried.
“Tom won’t give a shit about those orders though,” Sapphire stated plainly, scoring a double take from Maiko. “But he might decide to play hero, and with Jacky along… And Jarix possibly looking for an excuse...” ‘Fuck they might actually do it,’ Sapphire concluded to herself as she looked around at the others. “What would we do if they tried to help?”
“Not much we can do. We’re stuck here for the time being,” Dakota replied, looking like she had already arrived at Sapphire’s conclusion.
“Well if they don’t return… We would be launching an investigative force,” Maiko replied, clearly not pleased with that notion. “If they engaged, though, there is a good chance they are licking their wounds. I wouldn’t be concerned yet. As I said, Jarix is damn near the fastest flyer around these days. If you don’t need to go too far.”
“So they saw a keep in trouble, lent a hand, then ran away to lick their wounds. Or, they went in, won the battle, and are celebrating merrily with the people they saved. Sounds good to me. As long as too many didn't get hurt,” Balethon added, mouth half full of food. “How long until you send someone to mop up what’s left?”
“Oh, I don’t know. A few days... Maybe a week,” Maiko replied dismissively.
“I say we worry about it then, hey? Besides, as you said, we can’t do anything about it,” Balethon continued, while still eating. “I think we need to be more concerned with the people who might just be trying to kill us.”
Sapphire didn't really like this. In most of the situations they talked about, people would likely get hurt and it might well be someone she cared about. Tom was a good friend, sure. But she had known Jackalope for many years; she might be her closest friend in fact, despite their rivalry. “They better be fine. I've been doing too much praying as of late, and it doesn't seem to be working. I think it’s about time it does”
“Isn’t that something to do with only praying when you need something?” Balethon questioned.
“Well what should I pray for then? That someone got hurt or worse?” Sapphire replied in a rather annoyed tone.
“I think you need to give thanks for what you got. Not done much praying though,” he responded.
“Okay so. Dear Lotek, thank you for our safe journey here. Would you please ask Ishan not to take my friend from me?”
“Don’t say things like that, Everyone is fine. I’m sure.” Dakota demanded, sounding like she needed to convince herself just as much as the others. “Besides, even if they did decide to help a keep, they have both Tom and a damn dragon of the Royal Guard. What exactly survives that?” She didn’t sound entirely convinced of that statement either though. Even if it was one hell of an argument.
“Sorry. I’m just worried, okay?” Sapphire apologized.
“Let’s just give a prayer for everyone to get home safe tonight, and then worry about the things we can do something about.” Maiko interjected, clearly trying to ease things a bit.
When they had made it to bed, Dakota had a chat with Nunuk about what had happened. Even if there wasn’t much to report beyond Trewor. Crucially though, no news from the keep. Everything was as it should be apart from no Jarix and crew.
“Do you think this Trewor guy gonna stab us in the back?” Sapphire questioned after giving Dakota a second to catch her breath after the experience.
“I think he is too scared to try and double-cross us. He wants to live. That was damn clever of Maiko, I damn near believed it myself.”
“Yeah, the guy has a knack for this kind of thing it seems. I’m starting to see why Hashaw sent him. Besides just not wanting him around. And it was brilliant about the weapons. Even if Trewor does betray us, the bitch is gonna be scared shitless anyway.”
“She sure is,” Dakota replied with an evil grin.
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So then. The girls in the big city are hitting back, Jacky is doing her best to help her stressed to shit boyfriend and Jarix might have gotten a childhood wish fulfilled. Did you enjoy the chapter if so do let me know down below. Alternatively, let me know just how badly I fucked up.
Until next time Have an awesome day.
ko-fi For having a pretty picture commissioned.
Sapphire
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[AMA] All the questions and answers from Darian's AMA on January 26th, 2021

Firstly, just want to start off by saying a big thank you to everyone who submitted great questions, but most of all, the hugest thank you in the world to u/Darian_CoC (100% the best community manager ever) for sitting down and grinding through hundreds of your questions over about 3 hours.
Due to the sheer amount of questions, putting them all here exceeds reddit's character limit, so I have put the full compilation of questions in this document here. You'll probably find a few more of the fun, personal or quirky questions are in the document, with more Clash related stuff on this post.
A load of interesting stuff was discussed, including future updates and plans for Clash in the coming year, so lots of great stuff to have a read through! We have compiled all the questions and answers into this post here for your enjoyment, and we hope you come out of this post knowing a lot more than you did previously! So without further ado, here we go:
u/non-reddituser:

Is there plans to bring in a new recruitment system or is sc still trying to better it?
Any plans to reduce cost/upgrade time? For me at least 2-3 weeks for upgrades is getting slightly excessive and going further than that. I can’t imagine many players will be very excited to grind it out. Especially casual players.
Currently, Do you think the game is balanced ? I’ve heard quite a lot of complaints saying th13 is too easy.
Any plans to add family clans features ? Like a way to add other clans to chat, white list/ black list players etc.
Has a complete remake/ sequel to clash of clans ever been considered?
Is sc more focused on bringing more tasks, events and in general things to do during the game or are they more focused on bringing new content like troops ,spells ,defences etc?
Are you able to provide any details on what the priorities are/what is being worked on for 2021
How is the cost/ sell price of magic items determined?
Is there a reason as to why all the hammers cost 120 medals ,but the hero hammer is 165 and the opposite happens for books? All the books are 925 gems, but the hero book is set at 500 gems.

Answer:

Regarding the Recruitment Tool, I'll have to repeat something I said a while back .First, the tool isn't developed by the Clash team. I don't say that to try and wipe our hands of any obligation to it, but it genuinely is something the Clash team has little control over. However, with that said, regardless of who the tool is made by we have tried communicating with the community about its features, and even its shortcomings. But because of the nature of social media, online posts, etc. much of that gets lost hours after it's been posted. One of the things we've repeatedly stated is that the Recruitment Tool suffers not from a lack of functionality but from a lack of transparency. The Recruitment Tool actually does a lot of the things behind the scenes that players feel there is a lack of control over. And because they don't see how those work, it can feel like it doesn't work like they expect it to. I'm not saying it's perfect - far from it. We know it could use some improvement, but the biggest area it could be improved on is helping people understand exactly how it works so people are a bit more confident in the searches it pulls up, or at least understand why it gets those results.
As we add more content higher up (TH14, TH15, and beyond) we keep a very close watch on how long it takes for players to start from scratch and climb to max. We try to keep the ranges relatively similar so I would say it's a fair bet we'll adjust the upgrade times and costs in the future. In fact, that is a regular facet of the game that can be expected every so often. I can't say if it'll be once a year, or once every new TH level, but refactoring and rebalancing the costs and time are a regular part of that strategy.
The game will never be 100% perfectly balanced. It's just impossible. There are simply too many moving parts, too much randomness, and too many variables to consider. We try to balance the game the best we can, based on player data as well as feedback from the community. But adding more content will always shift the balance in one direction or another. Sometimes it may skew towards offense, and sometimes more towards defence. When we see the game shifting like that, we start looking at how we can balance the game to bring it back more towards the centre. With that said, we try to balance the game more towards being offense-friendly. Now, before you get out your pitchforks and protest we're making it too easy, what I mean by this is that we try to make the game as rewarding as possible while still keeping it challenging. If defence was always OP, then the win rates would plummet. If you're unable to win, this is incredibly frustrating as a player and would cause players to leave the game. That's not a good thing. Like any other asymmetrical multiplayer game, you almost always tend to win more often than you lose. We try to maintain a degree of balance slightly leaning towards offense.
A Clan Alliance/Family feature has been on our wish list for quite a few years. We simply haven't sat down to truly discuss what we want that feature to be. When we work on a new update, we have to prioritize what new features we're implementing and any additional content must thematically feel appropriate or can be fit in resource-wise (meaning time). Creating a Clan alliance feature should be more than just being able to cross chat and donate troops. That alone isn't worth reprogramming the multiplayer functionality of the game. An alliance system has to be meaningful in order to be something the players enjoy. But what that is, we still have yet to decide.
No. Why create a sequel when we can just keep adding new content to the current game without creating a brand new one? What would the goal of a sequel be? As long as Clash of Clans is live, creating a sequel would cannibalize players from one game to the other. That is not a viable way of game development. Additionally, let's say you've been playing Clash for 8 years now. Now let's say we release Clash of Clans 2. If all this game is is just a prettier version of Clash, you'll be less likely to invest the same amount of time as you did the first one. So you quit Clash 2 but the likelihood of you going back to Clash 1 will be reduced. Also, let's say not all of your friends are willing to play the new one. So now that your friends aren't playing, you're more likely to quit because of split loyalties between the games.The best thing we can do is keep improving Clash so you're not forced to choose between which ones you want to play,
I'd say it's all of the above, depending on the needs of the game. Content will always be the primary driver for Clash of Clans. It's where we see spikes in players returning, players being more active, etc. But in between content releases, it's good to give players more activities to do.
Lots and lots of new content for 2021. Lots. And it is badass.
I had an answer for this and I cannot for the life of me remember what it is. Unfortunately our Live Ops guy has left for the evening so I can't cross check with him. I'll try to ask him tomorrow and I'll post a reply here.
One big reason with the cost discrepancy is due to the resources you spend to upgrade those units. The cost to upgrade a Hero uses Dark Elixir which is a much more premium resource to farm/earn compared to Gold or Elixir. It's far easier to earn Gold and Elixir for upgrading Buildings/Troops. So the cost for the Book of Heroes is to help offset that. Whereas, because it's easier to earn Gold & Elixir, the other Books are more expensive. With the Hammers, the Hammer of Heroes is more expensive because you don't need to farm the DE for it.

u/ClashDotNinja:

Are you able to share any details on ideas/concepts that were designed and/or tested within the team that were then scrapped?

Answer: The Elixir Monster was a troop concept we prototyped during the development of TH12. The Elixir Monster was a troop that gained strength and size as it destroyed things. Similar to the Lumberjack, it would drop a Rage Spell after it was killed. In the end, the mechanic was really cool but way too complex for the average player. Additionally, because the unit required to make the kill attack in order to earn it's level up, with so many other troops attacking it actually rarely made a kill so it didn't morph? Mutate? Evolve? as fast as we thought it would. So it's a troop we might save for a rainy day and tweak it a bit to see if we can get it to balance correctly.
u/Drin_CoC:

Is the maximum Experience level, which currently is level 500, gonna be increased any time soon?
If there'll be more than 100 buildings after TH14 update, how will % be calculated? What about bases that have the 6th builder compared to the bases that don't?

Answer:

We might address it in the future, but I wouldn't expect any changes to it in the next couple updates. Apart from vanity purposes it doesn't really do much else so it's not a major priority for us.
We won't hit the 100 building limit just yet so we still have some wiggle room left to go before we start needing to worry about it. But it is something we are worried about for when we finally do hit that limit. We haven't found a solution to how we want to address it, but it is something that comes up every time we start working on new content.

u/LordPeter212:

What is the status of World’s 2021? The entire competitive community has been eagerly waiting for news about this. We need time to plan and prepare, and if it’s not happening we deserve to know.
Are there any plans to include any in game e-sports tournaments other than ESL?

Answer:

We are still working on the Worlds stuff and we're inching closer to announcing the 2021 season. We've made a few changes so we're still putting the final polish on those details. But we will announce the 2021 Worlds when we're ready.
There are tons of community-run events around the globe. We simply can't add them all in-game.

u/LadyB_clash:

Will we ever get a rewind button for replays? 😯 not sure if it’s possible but it would be a small but incredible QoL improvement for many. 😁

Answer: The challenge with this is that replays are not stored as videos. So you're not actually watching an actual "replay" of the match. The game stores your screen taps that you performed when you played your game. So when you watch a replay, you are actually watching a live version of the game where the AI is simply reproducing the same screen taps. Because the pathing algorithm and AI functions the exact same way, the system can recreate the same conclusion of the game every time.
So because you're watching the AI play the game using your screen taps, it can only go forward.
u/Soft-Decision5935:

Hi Darian! I’ve started 3 mini accounts and I’ve made one big observation: the beginning is by far the worst, slowest section of the game. The rest of the game is fun and it’s a great grind, but those opening 3-or-so days would be very unappealing to newer players who don’t know much about the rest of the game yet. Even for me, I absolutely hate those first few days. While I understand CoC is a game meant for people to grind out, I think something needs to be done to attract newer players. Have you considered fixing this/ is there a reason you haven’t yet?

Answer: This is actually a topic of discussion we're looking at; how to make the lower TH's more engaging and less grindy to make the progression to higher levels more enticing. So we totally understand where you're coming from. It's something we hope we can address in an update this year.
u/OverSizedHamster:

Hi Darian! Would you consider Clash of Clans a good representation of mobile gaming? Has its impact matched up to other notable titles on PC and console? Is it Smash Ultimate worthy?

Answer: Every so often, a game will become a cultural icon of the platform it's released on. For consoles that would be the Mario franchise. For MMORPG's, that would be World of Warcraft. For mobile, that's Clash of Clans. What I mean by cultural icon, is that it's a game that has lasted far longer than most others due to the sheer number of people that play it and the popular success it has had because of it.
Clash has been out for almost 9 years now. On any game platform that is almost unheard of apart from those other games that are cultural icons themselves.
I'm not sure what you mean by "good representation". But I will say this: The Clash community is possibly one of the best gaming communities. Period. It's one of the least toxic, most supportive, and fun communities I've ever had the privilege of working with.
u/301023459:

Would it be possible to have custom CC's for friendly challenges implemented into the game? To further explain what I mean, lets say I have my normal raid army set up with the cc troops I would usually take. However I want to practice new armies in friendly challenges but every time I do that, I have to dump old troops and request for new troops but those in my clan who have the troops I need for my friendly challenge army aren't always online. So a feature where I could customize my own cc troops for a friendly army is what I'm getting at.

Answer:

The Friendly Challenge is an interesting facet of the game that was introduced much later in the game's development history. So the functionality of it is wholly based on how the rest of the game functions with regards to troop donations, troop deployment, etc. Creating a unique set of functions for this feature is something the team sees as a priority at the moment. However, that priority could change when we start to look at what QoL changes we want to implement in future updates. Many of the changes implemented into the FC/FW features were based on QoL requests from the community so I wouldn't say it's a ruled out idea. Just not something on the production schedule at the moment.

u/purk8:

When are we getting BH10. Lot of people who are more competitive on B-base, but aren’t playing much because it’s the same old thing every season. We’re all feeling kinda forgotten about ☹️

Answer: It's rather interesting that whenever we released new BH content, there was general disdain that we were allocating development resources to it. But now there is a lot of clamouring for when the next BH level will be. :-) We don't have any solid plans for BH10 yet, but we have discussed it on occasion. We're reluctant to simply just do a new level as we're still trying to decide where we want to take the Builder Base feature. We don't want to keep adding features that are already available to the Main Village; otherwise why not just keep developing the Main Village?
u/El3veN_:

You said you had a meeting planned about the API, do we have any news regarding the API, your vision on it, whats your plans for it, etc?

Answer: I am not a programmer so I would hate to misrepresent something I know little about. You'll have to forgive my lack of correct vocabulary. There has been some API discussion recently to make certain data more accessible, though what those data are I can't say simply because I didn't understand how that process works. But I can say there has been some movement in the API discussion on the team.
u/Hellrazor:

Has an increase to the 30s scout time in legend league been considered along with viewable building radiuses? This was brought up partly last year in one of the TH hour videos where Eino admitted that as new TH levels were released the allotted 30s planning time becomes more & more restrictive the more there is to consider when planning an attack. IMO increasing the time to 45s / 1min in legend league would combat this whilst also separating it from lower leagues.
Are there any plans to restructure the Legend League system i.e rewards / ladder / ranks? The gems rewarded to the top 20 players in the top 3 clans is long outdated & legend trophies don’t have much use besides a visual standpoint. The day to day ladder system could also be taken further - something akin to a weekly system for example whereby your standings at the end of the week determine your placement for the next whilst still maintaining a monthly season would be less stale & more meaningful imo. Additionally ranks / badges could also be included within legend league to further develop the ranking system & possibly tie in to a rewards system somehow.
How does the Eagle Artilleries target prioritisation work? According to the wiki: The Eagle Artillery targets according to a "heat map" or "hitpoint map". In other words, it targets the area with the largest density of hitpoints. However this doesn’t seem to apply most noticeably during a queen charge / walk. 5 healers for example have a greater combined HP than a maxed queen yet 9/10 the eagle will target the queen so I suspect there’s more going on here. Whilst targeting the queen over your healers is far more favourable for the attacker it can be incredibly frustrating when the opposite occurs. As far as I can tell the logic currently appears to operate under RNG although I hope & suspect I’m wrong. Perhaps someone from the dev team could elaborate on this?

Answer:

While it had been discussed, at this time the team feels there's no need for it.
While the LL system could certainly use some new polishing and some shiny chrome, there hasn't been anything internally proposed that has made us say, "YES! That's what it needs!"
There is no RNG in how the AI targets units or paths towards a target. Every target is calculated based on the rules programmed into the algorithm. For the Eagle Artillery, yes population density does factor in. In your particular example, it could be that the Archer Queen had taken damage, where the collection of Healers now collectively had more HP resulting in a more desirable target before the AQ was fully healed again. I would need to see a specific replay of any instance before making a definitive call on what you're seeing.

u/non-reddituser:

In an interview with galadon around 11 months ago you said “ Part of it is as we see a lot of activity of a lot of players returning a lot of them are coming back to their old clans” In response to why sc hasn’t added a clan name change. Has this changed, Is there a still a high amount of players returning? If not is sc planning or at least considering adding it?
In the same interview with galadon he pitched you an separate section in the shop were you buy obstacles with legend league trophies. At the end of your answer you said” but, I think it’s an idea that does have some merit and all I can do is to present it to the team” did you present to the team and is there possibility we could see this any time soon?
As my final question I’d like to as you if you could explain the choice of sc censoring the whole clans chat when a kids account join?

Answer:

Clan name changes are still a ruled out idea for now, for the same reason. Additionally, changing your player name is one thing. That's personal to you. Changing a Clan name is something that affects the entire Clan. While sure, many Clans would be ok with the name change but what happens when members don't like the name that it's changed to? If that original Clan name had sentimental value, and someone changes it, that would feel really crappy for those who liked the original Clan name. So rather than try to come up with rules and edge cases for it, and introduce possibly more unnecessary complexity, it's simpler to prohibit for now.
Nothing has come out of that discussion apart from the idea being presented.
The rules for this only applies to new underage accounts created in the US. The reason for this is for compliance with new online regulations that are required for certain kinds of games. We have no control over those regulations.

u/thisisathrowawayCoC:

Does the barrel shaped building where you boost super troops have a name? If not, then what did the dev team call it?
Do you guys plan on adding more achievements?
Will there be more single player campaign levels as part of the next update or th14?
There has been an insane amount of rumours and ideas as to water based troops or gameplay. Is the dev team even considering something among those lines?

Answer:

It's called the Super Sauna. The image of the modern sauna is a Finnish invention, and since we're based out of Finland, it seemed like a nice cultural touch to the game.
Yes!
We really liked the Winter Challenge map and plan on doing more things like that in the future. However, we'd like players to remember that Clash is a multiplayer game and designed around that idea. Adding more single player content, while fun, minimizes that multiplayer aspect so it's not a primary focus of ours.
Water based troops? First time I've heard this rumour. Considering the map is based on land, a water troop would be a bit like...a fish out of water? In other words, I wouldn't listen to rumours.

u/HarrBathtub:

What was the “big thing” that was meant to be released in the winter?

Answer: We have a super cool feature we're steadily working on. We're not ready to share what that is just yet, but we're hoping we can reveal and release it this year.
u/Quna_chan:

Can we expect a goblin map maker where community can make goblin maps and clash team can check them and add it to the game.

Answer: This sounds like a good idea, but moderating all the entries that would come in would require it to be a full time job in itself. Checking to make sure the map isn't broken, or doesn't have inappropriate content, or doesn't cause any problems. It's not a matter of just pulling it up on the screen and say "ok there are no middle fingers hidden in the images so it's good to go." It would require playtesting, feedback, etc.
u/Pero_Plays:

Would you consider going to a 24-month instead of a proposed 18-month cycle of new TH levels to sync with World Championships better?
Could we get a double deployment bar on phones?

Answer:

24 months of no new TH content is simply too long. We're really happy with the pace we've been releasing new TH levels. One of the things we have to look at when spacing out the content is how long before maxed players start to get bored and stop playing. New content is always the biggest driver of player activity, and the longer you draw out not having new content results in players becoming more likely to leave the game. The World Championship is an exciting and cool facet of Clash, but it's not the main one and only a very small number of players will ever compete in the Championships. That small percentage of players cannot dictate the pace of content progress.
We tried looking at this but the UI became so small that it was super inconvenient to use, even with a stylus.

u/feareddakota:

Hey Darian, I’m not sure if this question was asked before but do you think it would pose a significant challenge for your team considering what a new a Town Hall would be due to the weaponization of Town Halls 12 and 13?

Answer: Coming up with new and unique content will always be the challenge as we create new features. It came up when we were working on TH13, and is in discussion as we work towards TH14. And it will likely come up again as we work on TH15 and beyond. Making sure something is cool and unique is always a fun challenge, but we shouldn't make something JUST because it's unique. It has to also be fun and exciting.
u/LowScrow_Tom:

Will we ever have a troop, or Super Troop, with the capability of switching from Ground to Air? (I think Ice Golem/ Ice Hound could've utilized this feature.)
Without the ability to add new buildings due to percent damages, could you have a "Gear Up" feature at TH14 which would combine all Builder Huts and /or Barracks to 1 main building, which must be upgraded FIRST before being able to purchase new TH14 Defences?. (Multiple problems solved)

Answer:

This is something that has been considered, like making a "Fallen Angel" Healer who is a ground troop but heals air units. This is just an idea and not something being worked on, before everyone starts saying it's confirmed. Changing a unit from air to ground or vice versa is actually pretty complicated because the pathing for ground units is different than air units as is the logic algorithm. So it's not just a matter of allowing it to swap places. But I wouldn't be surprised if we introduce a Super Troop that does do this.
We've contemplated the building fusion idea in the past and we're not convinced that is a good solution.

u/Alpii69:

Hello Darian! Is there any Chance we can get second abilities for Heroes? You can either choose the first or the second for a attack? For example the Barbarian King gets stationary and is immune to all damage for 5 seconds. Queens shoots faster and her shots pierce through buildings for x amount of second. The Royal Champion deflects damage for x amount of seconds. Warden heals troops over time

Answer: We had considered this idea and while it's cool, it doesn't offer quite the flexibility and variability players are looking for in a feature like this. We would want a feature like this to feel like players are able to customize their experiences. A second ability doesn't really do that as players would just choose a favourite one, then set and forget. We think there is a better way to offer that kind of customization. Additionally, balancing new abilities would be super challenging compared to new troops or new spells.
u/Immabeloverof15june:

Any plans on player made maps as single player map?
Any plans on mega base type mode?
What are big features which aside from new troops, buildings, townhall levels?
What are your plans on bringing more social features to the game?

Answer:

Player made maps are never a good idea, though they sound neat on paper. We'd need some kind of moderation process to remove inappropriate submissions, and given there'd be thousands upon thousands of entries, it would require full time moderation.
We see this request a lot. Again, on paper it sounds really cool. But what would the overall goal be? What would the benefits be to the Clan? There are a ton of logistics you'd have to look at. Like who would be the caretaker of such a mega base? The leader? What if the leader left or stopped playing? Co-leaders? What if they disagree with how the mega base should be laid out? Would Elders and Members have access to editing the mega base?
We've got something pretty big planned this year (fingers crossed we can finish it in time). We'll announce it when it's ready. And it's a doozy.
It entirely depends on what social features players want (features that aren't Global Chat or similar function).

u/sportsguy3: Could you give us some examples of new charactetroops/heroes/ideas that were very close to making it into the game but eventually didn't make the cut?
Answer: When we work on new TH content, we try to prototype new troop ideas. When we were working on TH12, we had several troops we had tested out before we finally settled on the Yeti. One of the troop ideas was a Goblin Glider. It was basically Goblins that flew in on little gliders and dropped down to attack resource storages and collectors. If I remember correctly, the Goblin Glider eventually inspired the Builder Base Hog Glider unit since we liked the glider function. But the Goblin Glider felt a bit TOO spammy.
u/NikplaysgamesYT:

Do you guys have plans regarding banning accounts? I see so many times players are perma banned for “account sharing” or “account stealing” when nothing like that ever happened. Even someone in my clan was perma banned, and I see posts on Reddit all the time about this. Do you have plans to change the process of being banned or the criteria to avoid these situations?
What is your opinion regarding queen walks after indirectly nerfing them so hard? This year, you guys added headhunters and super minions, both of which destroy queen walks if your not careful. Did you guys think they were OP before this update, and do you think they’re still OP now?
Do you believe that the game has done a good job balancing progression? For townhall 10, IMO you guys did a perfect job, I finished my hero’s, walls, and defences at almost the same time (got screwed up since at that time there was the event where everything was half off. But for th11, I am currently almost max, just working on my last lab upgrades and walls, but I’ve been full on dark elixir for the past 3 months. Do you think progression overall is super balanced and any plans to change it?

Answer:

In the near-4 years I've been at Supercell, I've had hundreds of requests from players to investigate their account ban. Out of those hundreds, I can count on a single hand how many of them were incorrectly banned due to agent error. A single hand. Time and time again such threads rarely ever reveal any kind of loopholes or weaknesses in the support recovery process and more often than not highlight how players treat their account security by engaging in behaviour that violates our Terms of Service policies. Almost every single one of those players underestimate just how accurately we can investigate an account issue. Many of them start off with a friend who let another friend do their War attacks, but most of the banned accounts have shown very suspicious activity of account sharing, buying, etc.How do these accounts get phished? It's simply because most people don't realize just how manipulative scammers/phishers are. Also most people fail to realize exactly just how much identifiable information they put out for the public to be able to see.That's the thing about scammers/phishers. The good ones rarely make their intentions obvious until it's too late. There's a reason why scamming is a multi-billion dollar industry. Good scammers are charismatic, manipulative, and convincing. They are also relying on the fact you have no idea just how useful the information you gave them really is, especially when you think the information is banal or mundanely useless.The fact they leave you blaming a lax in security instead of blaming yourself shows A) just how manipulative they are and B) how willing you are to deflect blame in order to admit to falling for a scam.Admittedly, that second one is a tough pill to swallow. No one likes admitting they made a mistake, and that's especially so when you have to face severe consequences for those actions. But as I said before, we can tell the difference between someone's compromised account vs. someone who fell victim to a scam or gave/bought/sold their account. Usually if the account is compromised, Support is fairly quick at restoring access to those accounts. But because there's no reason to voice any complaints about it, you don't read about those thousands of success stories. What we do hear about on the forums are those examples where support was unable to restore the account because they can see suspicious or fraudulent activity on the account.
I still use Queen Walk at TH13 so you're asking the wrong person. I find the strategy still viable and very strong.
I do think we've done an overall good job of maintaining balance. It's not perfect, nor will it ever be perfect. This is especially true as we add more content in the future. There is no such thing as a perfectly balanced multiplayePVP game. All we can do is try to balance it to the best of our ability when we release a new troop or keep an eye on the data and balance it as we see the data coming in.

u/GroddTH12:

Do you intend to improve the time to update buildings and troop level TH11, TH12 and TH13?
Is there a possibility to create a new hero in a new update?

Answer:

Eventually, most likely.
We don't want to do a new Hero with each new TH level. The earliest we will likely add a new Hero would be TH15, but that's not a guarantee.

u/clashic94:

Clan War Leagues and Clan Games are monthly events that last a week. Are there any plans for introducing another monthly event that lasts a few days in between CWL and Clan Games? (Townhall Tournaments, etc.)
As the army camp size increases and the possibility for more troops in battle at any given time increases, will we be seeing troops with higher and higher housing space to avoid overcomplexity?
Will we be able to use two Siege Machines at the same time in the future? More than two Super Troops?

Answer:

Yes. Although what that is we're not ready to reveal yet.
It's unlikely we'll adjust the housing space for older troops like Barbs, however, how much housing space a troop takes up is actually an essential part of the design process as we design a new troop.
Two Siege Machines would be a bit weird since you only have a single Clan Castle. Being able to deploy two and divide up the CC troops between them would genuinely be way OP. As far as allowing more than 2 Super Troops at a time, I mean, we just started allowing 2 recently! We're keeping an eye on their usage to see if allowing 3 or more would be something positive for the game.

u/confipete:

Is it true that Supercell is going to remove builder base by June?
Why don't war donations account for donation count?
Why is builder base's attacking AI is different from Home village's?
Do you consider the ideas we post in this sub while adding new features to the game?

Answer:

Wait..what? Remove Builder Base? Where the heck do you guys find this stuff? We're not removing it.
Part of it is because you can remove and edit War donations, at least in the War Leagues. So it would be easy to abuse to edit/remove cc troops and keep redonating just to get your count up.
The AI isn't different, it uses the same logic engine as the main village. However, a big factor in what causes some issues is the Guard Post. The wandering units cause havoc with the pathing AI because the attacking units have to constantly recalculate their position and the targets it's tracking.
Absolutely.

u/EyalReddits:

Will we ever get a new gamemode like the builder base?
Why are super troops taking up so much space? This makes them almost unusable

Answer:

I'm sure there'll be new game features we'll introduce in the future. It won't be like Builder Base, but will be something completely new. In fact we're working on something that I think will be pretty enjoyable. No release dates yet, as it's a fairly complex system. But we're excited to announce it when it's ready.
The housing space for Super Troops is to balance out how much stronger they are than regular troops.

u/superman37891:

Can we donate super troops with gem donations, even if we don’t have them unlocked?
Can we have separate clans for home village and builder base (so I don’t get kicked out of my top clan for not having a good builder base)?
Add a clan search filter for CWL league (Champs 1, Champs 3, Master 2, etc.)
Can we cap the level of the CC troops donated to lower town halls / CC levels? (Ex: A level 9 loon donated to a TH3 caps at level 2)? I feel this will make it easier to balance lower THs and make it more fair for those who can’t get CCs

Answer:

No. Being able to donate them without spending the upgrade cost kinda defeats the purpose of spending the upgrade cost.
No. Programming the logistics behind this, having separate chat UI's, Clan logs, match logs, war logs, etc. would be an absolute data nightmare.
As a reflex response, my guess would be that it would lead to just those Clans at the top tiers being bombarded with invitation requests while lower clans would remain unfilled. And because they remain unfilled, it would make it harder for them to climb to those ranks, thus perpetuating a bit of a cycle.
No. The levels they are donated at is intentional.

u/Luke_theGreat:

Hey Darian. Thanks for doing this. Right now, every month we have cwl in the first week and clan games towards the end. I personally feel like this is getting tedious. Are there any plans to mix this up more? Thanks. Luke

Answer: We planned out the calendar of events for a very specific reason and the timing is intentional. Having them set the same time allows players to more efficiently plan out how they upgrade and how they spend resources. Mixing up the schedule would make it more difficult for players to do so.
u/One-Decision-6110:

Hello there, Darian, thanks for taking the time to answer my question if you do,one thing I'm recently annoyed about is botters, it seems like they are everywhere, is it possible if you could give me a percentage of how many players out of total players are botters?also, i use the same army, time and time again, I'm worried my account will get banned one day due to SuperCell suspecting me to bot, are there any other measures you take into account when banning botters?

Answer: We never publicly reveal numbers. With regards to bots, it's a constant game of cat and mouse. We improve our systems to detect them and they improve the botting software to avoid detection. So we then improve the system again to detect them and then they improve the botting software to avoid detection. You can see how this goes on. It's one of the reasons why we do mass bans of botters instead of just individual cases. If we banned players who bot on an individual basis, it allows the bot software creators to analyse what it was that allowed them to be detected and make changes even faster. So by banning in mass groups, it slows down their development a bit.
To answer your question about using the same attack, that's not how the detection system works so as long as you're not using a bot program we don't care how often you attack with the same army.
u/mystic_coc: Hi Darian, what do you think about a new game mode in clash. It can be solo or multi (like clan base or something). You could create multiples worlds with the clash universe like a goblin village etc were we can attack the king of goblin
Answer: I'm curious, but you don't really give any kind of idea what kind of feature you're suggesting. It's like saying "have you thought of a new multiplayer game?" Yes I have, but without knowing what kind of game you want, it's kind of an impossible question to answer.
If you've made it down here, well done! I hope everyone here has learnt something new, and after reading the sheer amount of answers I'm sure you can all thank Darian for the extraordinary effort he put in (he isn't being payed for this either, he's just that amazing).
If you don't see your question on the reddit post or the document it was most likely to avoid duplicates
Happy Clashing!

Extensive list of "improvement notes" I used to climb from Silver to Plat with Yuumi

I recently climbed to Plat for the first time playing nothing but Yuumi, and wanted to share some notes I compiled along the way. Ever since high Silver, after each game, I would try to think hard about mistakes I made, going back to watch the replay if necessary. If anything stuck out, I would make an "improvement note" in a text file. These really added up after a while, and I have pasted the entire list below. Those closer to the top are more recent. There may be a few typos here and there -- feel free to ask if you don't understand something.

When early game goes rough, you often start tunneling on immediate fights, and forget about vision set up around OBJECTIVES; try to calm down and think further ahead
Using Ignite+Exhaust on a seemingly isolated target while enemies are missing keeps baiting your allies to overcommit, and then die to the response
Basic: deep river wards are good against speedy junglers, but make no sense if your jungler is just about to take the crab in that same section of river...

In lane, highest payoff of mental energy seems to come from: 1) avoiding all CC; 2) hitting Qs (these add up!); 3) procing passive on enemy ADC while they last-hit
Reminder: continuing to lose 2v2's post-6 against Lulu in lane, even with significant HP advantage and good engages; stop underestimating her poly+R combo
When an ally is getting CC'd and potentially picked in an early invade, give them the heal and shield, then gtfo onto another ally; safer, and equally effective
Reminder: bush wards do NOT cut it against Hecarim, Nunu, Rammus, etc.; to be safe, you NEED a mid-river ward, and if possible, a control ward in your own jungle

With Tryndamere: even if he's fed, he's not a great anchor; your heals have anti-synergy with his kit, and may throw him off his ult; let him split if possible
Reminder: as games get later, not body-blocking a single Jhin W can mean ADC dies, which can in turn insta-lose the whole game on the spot
Best practice for ulting: ping your ult + target beforehand -> calculate best angle and fire -> continuously look for improvements using W and E for full duration
Missing P procs in crowded minion waves; try to better incorporate the target champion only key and use right-click on them

For first ward when on red side, putting it a bit further into the river, or bit left of the bush, will both give more time to see enemy jungler coming to gank
Reminder: whenever LeBlanc is anchor in a fight, you need to be holding space; crazy woman is constantly blinking, reverting, and cloning; very easy to get lost
When you get off to a really good start, you sometimes get too hype and want to perma-fight in lane; this is very dangerous if enemy jungle/mid are missing; careful
Weird aspect of Yuumi: perhaps because you often end up mainly supporting just one person, multiple teammates often feel useless; accept this and play, don't tilt

Against Sylas: in order to not get caught off guard by his CC and escape options, you MUST pay closer attention to whose ultimate he has
According to leagueofgraphs.com, my weakest stat by far is my gold income, relative to other Yuumis; seek out more quest procs -> get Moonstone sooner -> win more
If you're under 10% HP, just don't get off OR switch allies in any remotely hostile environment; sometimes weird effects proc and you just die to a light breeze
If you only have enough mana left for one heal, never use it to top off ADC, no matter how long they are; wait for right moment to use it to maximize MS/AS as well

Reminder: STILL forgetting to use heal when running it; try just permanently thinking about it?
Rather than wait out enemy CC before procing P, it's often better to ANTICIPATE ally CC, and then proc P during brief window where enemy can't retaliate
In a tight chase down on enemy target, E first to get your anchor closer, THEN Q to apply the slow; seems straight-forward, but you often mess it up
Playing a passive, safe lane is very coin-flippy (and boring), but against bad matchups (e.g. Thresh) that is better than trying to force an advantage and dying

When a teammate is tunneling and throwing, but doesn't seem outright tilted/toxic, try pinging them harder; may help snap them out of it
As games drag on and everyone tilts, both teams often seem to get dumber, regardless of who's winning; just chilling and looking for picks is weirdly effective
Even with Elder AND Baron, if your team doesn't have any tank/engage, and some members are weak, you can't just run it down mid; will have to split-push a bit to end
Reminder: if an important objective fight is coming up in ~1:30 min, you NEED to place wards there, back, and refill your wards; this is a critical responsibility

Observed: body-blocking works not just on Kaisa's W (missile), but also on her Q (burst), as some of the projectiles will naturally target you
Observed: if you are on Illaoi getting collapsed on 3v2, and she chills in a bush, the approaching enemies are in as much danger as you; stay calm, Illaoi strong
Observed: whenever anchor is backing, maximize downtime to scout whatever you safely can nearby, and W back to them at the end of their channel
Observed: you need to use W to laterally reposition during your ult more often; it's often key to rooting more enemies while your original anchor does their thing

Observed: you can proc passive on most forms of enemy clones, including Illaoi spirits
Observed: if enemy support keeps roaming and you can't follow, you should be attempting to freeze on enemy ADC
Reminder: you are a good tool for freezing waves; you can start tanking aggro if alone, then repeatedly apply aery to your ADC for free freezing
Observed: you are not utilizing Q to scout bushes enough; it's pretty cheap and can save a death

Observed: body blocking all types of enemy projectiles at the very last second is incredibly effective
Observed: if your ADC is absolutely going to be fatally hooked, and you can anticipate it, get off and take one for the team
Reminder: on ADCs like Ezreal and Tristana, if they get caught out and still have their dash, do NOT get off to proc P and then get left behind
Observed: on blue side, bush above red buff is a nice spot for an early control ward if you have a moment; try to use it more often

Client keeps resetting preference; ALWAYS make sure you have champion names visible over health bars, to prevent skins confusing you during key moments
Decent anti-tilt strat: after you make an "inexcusable" mistake, consider the game a well-deserved loss; then just play your best for your team, regardless of outcome
Against ANY type of engage/ambush/all-in lane opponents, just start E; you or your ADC keep giving up first blood from sudden, whacky shenanigans
When an ally makes you die, there will be a burning sting through your neck, stomach, and legs; if can feel it and not tilt, that's a major advantage over opponents

When a game is going well and there is no perfect support item to build, strongly consider building: mejai's, boots of lucidity, and redemption/mikael's
Major: you keep baiting in your ADC's with sudden exhaust+ignite on enemy ADC; instead, just ping they are ready and target, and let YOUR ADC be the one to initiate
In a way, every game starts as a coinflip either for or against you, just the degree varies; your goal: lose no games in your favor, and win those slightly against you
Reminder: you tilting leads to losses more directly than teammates throwing; enjoying or at least tolerating the game while losing is a very underrated "skill"

Even in high elo, good decisions are worth much more than perfect mechanics
10 minutes worth of smart lane trading can evaporate in an instant due to one slightly careless misposition; the game always hangs in the balance
Rage warding a new pink ward while your old pink ward is being destroyed is very rarely worth it
Reminder: don't blow your E for AS/MS alone unless there is zero danger of counter-kill; better to hold it for heal value in most cases

If possible, you want your lane to be a slow, safe war of attrition, not a violent fiesta of death
Reminder: when one enemy is uber-fed, you MUST save exhaust for them at all cost; doing anything else = directly lose the game
Reminder: ultimately, you will climb if you consistently outperform the enemy support; that means better lane trades, better vision, better objective/teamfight support
Against Rell/Tristana: if they hit level 2 first and all-in, they are capable of killing your ADC under tower, unless you start heal (!)

If your ADC gets hooked and locked down, try to time and aim your ult to root the enemy ADC just as the CC chain ends; this gives your ADC the best chance at escaping
After Moonstone, a point-blank Q can actually provide a critical heal to another teammate; in this rare situation, point-blank Q is good
Teamfighting directly underneath an angry Baron is not a good environment for Yuumi; his AA's alone can quickly kill you
Bad habit: when low HP ally is running, you keep trying to proc passive on the pursuer, and getting caught in hard CC; sometimes, it's better to just pray

When your team is winning early, it's fine to play safer, but don't play lazy; at the very least, keep hitting your Q's
Against any melee support, whenever their dangerous spells are on CD, HARASS the living hell out of them; show no mercy (though watch out for enemy ADC of course)
Too often, you "go down with the first ship" in teamfights; unless they're the sole carry, just let your anchors die; because if you die too early, then EVERYONE dies
Reminder: respect enemy burst more at level 2, regardless of their comp; you keep giving up first blood, stop that

If you are solo guarding while enemy ignores you and whacks your tower, treat them as a gold sponge; +20 per quest proc is great
Observed: on blue side, you can often soak lane experience at full value while in river bush, in order to better support your jungler invading enemy bot side
Observed: on blue side especially, if enemy jungler can't dash over walls, no reason not to ward a bit DEEPER in river on first ward
If your W gets put on CD, don't take potshot Q's while off; they are very unlikely to empowered hit, and you can be much more effective in a few seconds

Don't neglect landing your empowered Q's during key teamfights; the slow and extra damage are significant; keep one eye on your anchos, but aim it properly
Against Swain: fyi, his W (eye) has an insane range (5500+); also, his E (claw) has 850 range, and gives least time to dodge root at very tip, making it quite deadly
When you and your anchor get collapsed on in neutral territory, sometimes breaking off and running in opposite directions makes the double-kill impossible for enemy
Against Alistar: his flash-Q with ADC follow-up will 100-to-0 you through all countermeasures at all levels, just like Sett

Reminder: STOP getting off for random greedy P procs; you are throwing fights
For squishy ADCs like Twitch into CC heavy enemies, consider starting Mikael's; test it out a bit
If things are going south for your anchor, start looking for Plan B anchor immediately; slight delay can make a big difference
Consider P proc in teamfights as risk/reward; better to lose one anchor and continue the fight than lose whole game from getting hard CC'd and dying

In ~3/4 of games, someone on your team will be making attrocious decisions; if they're not playing with the team, do not encourage them with heals
When chasing and weaving in AAs, be more mindful of W CD; sometimes it is better to do nothing and just wait for Q
Reminder: when facing a tank support in lane, hard focus their squishier ADC with Q poke; if they all-in, hard focus their ADC in counter-attack
Against Malphite: if he levels up sapling first, then you probably want to start E; starting Q and then having your ADC get chunked low can be pretty rough

When games devolve into total fiestas, just sitting on whoever is farming mid is an okay principle; you're pretty good in ARAMs, and less likely to die in a pick
When you feel someone on your team doesn't "deserve" the win, just go on someone else who does; feels better, and sometimes it works out
When a carry is on a full rampage, just stay on them; no use trying to keep the whole team together, as the carry may dive in without you while out of sync
Your mid-laners keep getting killed by roaming enemy support; since you usually can't really match well, you must ping better

Against Sett: careful, his flash-E will not just chunk you at level 2; with his ADC, it can straight-up 100-to-0 you even through your E, potion, and ADC heal
Reminder: champ icons are safer to W to than champ models; also, you can't just W around in later teamfights once you've been chunked once; will explode
Against Lulu: if all her CDs are up post 6, you can't 2v2, even with HP advantage; she will just polymorph your ADC while ulting hers, and you will quickly die
Against Galio support: if possible, you want to poke down the enemy ADC with AP, while your ADC pokes him down with AD

Not tilting seems to make you play about 25% better, which is usually enough to turn a game
Reminder against Jhin: later in lane, his 4th shot or 4th bounce will chunk you for like 50% or more; imperative to keep track of and avoid these
Consider: roaming before end of laning phase often disheartens ADC a bit, especially if they get 2v1'd; try to ensure the roam is worth the mental toll
When an ally is "medium raging," just sitting on them and healing them a bit more than usual can actually seem to calm them down...

Reminder: on average, roughly HALF the players are better than you; if an ally is carrying, try just trusting them unconditionally unless it repeatedly backfires
Reminder: hold onto Exhaust, and put it on a dps carry, NOT a tank or support
Somehow keep getting stuck on the wrong side of the dragon/baron pit; again: stick to the member with dashes to avoid this
Unless grinding for wins, looking up teammates before the game often seems to make you play worse, like when someone is first-timing their champ, etc.

Late-game, try to save ignite for large threats with high healing, or those about to leave vision; don't just slam it on anyone unless it's the FINAL fight
Weird: if you ditch the carry before they die, they may believe they would have lived with you there, and int more; sometimes it may be worth dying WITH them??
If a teammate does something that makes you lose the desire to win, remember we're all ignorant in different ways; play for the moment and limit test
As soon as a player toxic pings once, mute them until at least late game; repeated toxic pings are sapping your desire to win

Play purely for improvement (win/loss due to team is meaningless!), until you feel you are at goal elo threshold; then play hard for the wins to try and reach it
Don't type after the match either, unless it's something all-around positive; not good for mental health
Major: sometimes you know your ADC is bad, but enemy gets low; in such cases, going in usually backfires horribly; just play safe, and do NOT fight with them
Pay closer attention to ebb and flow of minion waves for Q and P procs; there are certain windows when it is much easier to strike

Against Poppy: getting off or on in her W field counts as a dash, and will severely mess you up; never do that
Be liberal in your use of caution/danger pings; don't assume people see or understand obvious risks; this is your best chance of "improving teammate IQ"
If your ADC gets chunked horribly low and looks to back, don't bait them to stay with heals; good junglers will just dive and kill you before you can recover
Against Ekko: his W stun is telegraphed enough that you should never get caught; don't cut it too close either

Even when there is nothing to be body-blocked, getting off and getting aggressive can sometimes distract enemy enough for your ADC to escape in close fights
Pattern: your ADCs keep trading 1 for 1 in early bot lane battles; if possible, YOU should be the one dying in these trades, not them
There is an art to abandoning a teammate; heal them if they can get a kill, heal yourself if they are totally doomed, save heal if a new anchor is closeby
Some carries do NOT want your help (i.e. exp share) until late game, and will actively int if you force it; may need to play "suboptimal" to increase win chance

Boots of lucidity work surprisingly well after second item; CDR makes a big difference
Rare: potentially lost an entire game by hovering cursor too near a teammate while trying to get off to proc passive; be more precise
If enemy team has a single carry tearing through everyone, ping them hard whenever you see them in standoffs and throughout fights
In wild skirmishes, if you have ample health, things are really coming down to the wire, and everything is on CD, just get off and start AA'ing/body-blocking

Against Jhin: by mid-game, 3 ult shots will kill you; be careful not to get too carried away blocking; also, just stand still to block if possible, safer
If a hard carry anchor is destroying a T1 or T2 turret, and you can back, you can do so before it falls to increase the local gold going to your carry
General: at least once a game, you seem to make some completely questionable ult/exhaust/W decision; try to slow things down a bit and not make nonsense plays
Against Morgana: W is too slow to dodge her bind if she fires it from medium distance; give it more respect

When you have low vision and feel a gank may be coming, don't just ping once and hope your ADC wards; ping a lot, back off, and stay safe
The first honey fruit spawns between 6:00 - 6:30 near dragon pit; consider going to get it at 6:20 if safe
The wall-jumping blast cone spawns between 5:00 - 5:30; factor this into gank considerations
River ward placed at 2:30 will expire just as second ward comes online at 4:00; together this can give uninterrupted river vision until 5:30

When an ADC is not stepping up for your Q's to land, try pinging your target just before you fire; may help them get the message
Minor: when steering by map and hopping off to path to different ally, you keep hopping off in wrong direction (towards map); stop doing that
Still not used to running heal; when ADC takes ignite, try crossing your toes or something to remember
Unless you're at max mana, just do not shoot low chance/impact Q's in lane; your mana conservation is usually more important than your quest item

Talk as little as possible during champ select; much better for your mental
Especially when with jungler, need to be aware which of you revealed the ward, so that the other one can clear it for more gold; basic fundamentals
If ADC is pushing up with no vision, neither should you sit on them nor facecheck bushes; just BACK off, they can die alone if they insist
Against Neeko: she can be a surprisingly tough support to deal with; her emp. AA stings, her root is deadly, and her disguise can bait important CDs; careful!

Reminder: Wukong's ult continues to put your W on CD at bad times; whenever he is in the game, pay special attention for it
Consider getting an elixir of sorcery a bit more often if you sense both teams are tilted; one big win at a mid-game objective often makes the other team ff
Wasteful double-wards with allies happening fairly often; try to anticipate ally ward, or else ping your own ward and the spot beforehand
When there is clear down-time with no objectives, priority is: ward / rotate for possible picks -> back for more wards -> soak exp.

Leading up to a river fight, if no one else is placing control wards, pixel bush often get more mileage than dragon/baron pit; sweep pit and ward later
When you are below average level, melee minions actually take 2 tower and 2 AA's to kill
In poke-heavy lane match-ups, make better use of aery shield as a blocking tool; especially good for Tristana and Zilean delayed explosions
Roaming to mid briefly after first back often has surprisingly good outcomes; even topping off their HP, hitting a Q, and leaving can give them an edge
Immediately going for free passive procs should be second nature; keep them in mind always until they are
Poke a bit more conservatively in lane, and try to focus the same target repeatedly -- whoever seems worse at positioning/dodging
When someone ganks you successfully once, there's a good chance they'll try again by the same angle; ward accordingly
In skirmishes and teamfights, work on holding Ult for an extra second; the improved angle once people burn their dashes can be devastating

Quick hop offs to land Exhaust/Ignite still need significant work; focus extra hard when you anticipate needing to land summs at longer range
Reminder: competent enemy supports will just clear your vision on objectives before fights; better to set it up well ahead, and then back for more wards
Sometimes, you really don't need to be fast and flashy; just give the heals and wards and hit your Q's, keep it simple; otherwise, risk a rushed misplay
When there's Leona+Wukong right on top of your anchor going nuts, you just can't get off; CC everywhere

When going for picks, there may be no "perfect" ult angle, as they can just dash diagonally out; then best to ult to cut off the max amount of retreat path
When it's too dangerous to get off, a point-blank Q can proc moonstone renewer and give an emergency heal to a nearby ally
Reminder: when getting invaded through tribush on blue side, run DOWN around the rock outcrop; cuts enemy vision of you, and you can ward back over
Reminder: when alone and getting invaded on either side, you must E in the proper direction within about 0.5 seconds, or you should die unless enemy messes up

Against Yasuo: don't forget or underestimate his tornados; they move fast, and getting hit by one at the wrong moment can lose the whole game
Minor: just put support item on proper key to begin with; it doesn't shift when it upgrades
When AA'ing a tower, rather than mindlessly kiting back and forth, better to position in safest place, and then inspect the map/scoreboard
In lane all-ins, once you've used all your CDs, it's often best to just stand directly in front of your ADC and AA; if you die and they live, it's ok

"Hookshot" Q's that you can bend all the way behind enemy minions have very high hit chance; keep them in mind as priority method
With Ekko: avoid procing shield when he's likely to ult; very easy to get left behind
Generally, the deeper up the river you can ward, the safe you'll be; ward near the actual crab early if convenient
When behind, just stay calm, set up vision ring, and predict where/when enemy team is most likely to greed; be ready to punish

When taking Baron and things get hairy, best to stay on champs with dashes that can gtfo/turn more easily; do NOT start wandering around on your own
Sometimes ulting your anchor's target gets them killed; e.g. it's often much better to proc passive on Karthus and shield ally, than to immediately ult him
In teamfights, focus more on your OWN positioning; which side you hop off on to proc passsive can make an enormous difference for avoiding CC
If your ADC ints once, chances are high they will int again; be extra ready to ditch them

With Trist: ask her to ping before she all-ins, or rocket jumps in general; helps prevent getting left behind
Against Jhin: easy to forget, if he roots you with W, you will probably just die
Dying early in lane is worse than just the initial effect; frequently ADCs will rage and int themselves later in the game...
When enemy places a yellow ward in lane bush, get into habit of (E+)AAx2 and pinging it for ADC; can insta-clear with good reflexes

Consider pinging objectives a bit harder if team is greeding/unfocused
Against Nami: if she's smart, she will send her bubble into your dash path, dangerous; her poke also stings quite a bit, don't underestimate
If there is an early skirmish, start E; it just gets way better value than Q outside of lane
When the game is a total fiesta, with no one really carrying, just sticking on the ADC seems best; they CS and survive better with you around

Get in the habit of checking the scoreboard EVERY time you back; quick scan over all champ levels/CS/items
Try not to panic when you or your anchors facechecks a bush and gets ambushed; mashing buttons (other than E) is never the best play there
With Lillia: she's a great anchor for roaming picks, but can be awkward to sit on in teamfights; squishy, and can be hard to reach teammates in need
Against Thresh: while his Flash-Flay is deadly, you should be able to bait his hook okay while in W range of ADC, as long as you're ready for it

Take more care with your ult angle; a few degrees can make a huge difference, especially in moving fights and around choke points
Basic: if you know there's a control ward in bush, don't place a yellow in unless you know you can clear it; otherwise just directly feeds gold/exp to enemy
Ideal lane skirmishing is complex: want to hit emp. Q and both summs on best targets, have ADC benefite from full passive+aery+E, all while weaving in AA's
When running heal, need to pay extra close attention during dense teamfights; be sure to use it at a good time

In lanes that feel awful, try to be more patient; just help your ADC farm and get through it
In crazy burst fiestas, you may get more mileage out of Mikael's than Redemption; instant heal and cleanse on carry is more consistent?
With Katarina: she can and will jump all over the place in strange ways; use ult more in the general direction of the enemy, can even zone with it
Important: really need to keep better track of whether current anchor has flash up; keep getting stranded when they use it unexpectedly

Against Soraka: watch out for the root at the end of her E, it is very dangerous; you can't really side-step her Q, must use W to dodge
Against Irelia: she likes to use her stun soon after she ults; it's not safe to get off until you're sure it's gone
Jumping off and repositioning while ulting can be good, but you can also just get CC'd and have the ult canceled entirely; be careful
Against Blitzcrank: in lane, his hook costs ~1/3 of his mana, on a ~20 sec CD; play around these numbers more consciously

Against Jhin: body-blocking his W on your ADC can be huge, always be ready to do so
When people are greeding, and backing out very slowly, try to avoid going back in to heal them; it often encourages them to int
Against Fiora: just don't hit her with summs until you see her blow parry; it's not worth having one blocked
Start thinking about toplaner TP flanks more, and set up a ward at mid bush at least if one is possible

With Kindred: you cannot heal allies who reach the 10% threshold inside her ult, which lasts 4 seconds; wait until after the ult's ending heal triggers
Against Kai'Sa: try to anticipate and body block her W missile in lane; she often uses it to try to poke/kill your ADC
Stop burning Exhaust when you are obviously already dead
Do not gamble your life by solo warding bushes that enemy champs could quite possibly be in

Reminder: stop spamming wards; you get 3 yellows up at once -- think consciously about the best places to put them; know where yours are
With Katarina and Leblanc: just hold space in fights; otherwise it is very easy to lose track of where you are
Reminder: it is very rarely ideal to use Exhaust on enemy support -- main exception is in lane when they are damage heavy
Against Thresh: watch out for his Flash-Flay combo; you can't really react, and it is very deadly; staying far away in a bush is your best bet

Against Maokai: even if you can't clear saplings with W, consider trying to block some of the damage onto your ADC with aery shield
Regardless of if you feel hype, you need to feel out enemy bot's playstyle before going too ham
I keep confusing small champs (e.g. Lulu vs. Fizz) in crucial moments; turn on champ names above HP bars; pay attention
Against Hecarim: need to ward further up the river; bush ward will be too late

Hopping off a CCed teammate to continue a moving ult can be huge; similarly, W'ing between allies while ulting can root more enemies
When you see CS going to waste in any free scenario, get into the habit of grabbing it with AAs or Q
Against Seraphine: keep track of her echo counter, and make sure not to get rooted by the 3rd ability
In weird chaotic games where different lanes are stomping on different teams, focus extra hard on the high priority target/s

Reminder: wait out the initial shitstorm in full 5v5's before ally hopping; you will just get caught by random CC and explode
One Q can make the difference on a gank, which can swing the game; if jungler is coming, pay extra close attention to mana, CDs, and ideal target
Against Soraka: to win the poke war, try very hard to avoid giving her free Q's
Against Ezreal: body blocking either his W or Q is quite helpful for your ADC

Try not to fire ult from super inflexible positions; if enemies respond quickly, it may just get wasted
In games that are getting away, try harder to save ult for enemy shutdown
Reminder: greedy ward clearing loses games
Against Nautilus: his ult is worse than it seems; the knockup will often catch you while it travels to someone else, be very careful

When a gank is imminent, try NOT to hop off, so as to preserve CD on W
Tacking ALL enemy CDs in lane is too hard for now; just focus harder on those that CC you
Keep forgetting I can't proc my passive during R; be more careful about that
If an anchor does something that seems questionable/greedy, give one caution ping at least before just going with it

W off for a little extra distance, ward, then W back on
Don't lose focus or play scared just because you get chunked once in lane; stay proactive and stick to the plan
With Hecarim: his E and R often put him behind the enemy target: careful not to fire your ult in the wrong direction
Against Rakan: watch out for his snappy engage from long distance, easy to get caught off guard

If an enemy tank appears caught out, but enemy carries are missing, do not hard commit to killing the tank; doing so may throw the ensuing teamfight
Keep better track of which enemies are a real threat vs non-threat; don't blow ult and summs on non-threats (very impactful)
Keep track of GA's on own team, and play around them more intelligently

When W is not on CD (especially post level 11) and teammate is running for their life, consider helping shield them with aery procs; it can make the difference
If someone is getting turbo-focused by entire enemy team, dashing to them is probably unsafe...
Don't back when fight may be about to break out, even if you need items/mana
Q's continuing to miss in lane; teamfight awareness needs further improvement

Put indicator-aimed Q on an easier key, for long-range solo snipes; helps clean up random CS, tag dragon while approaching, etc.
Reminder: usually passive is easiesafer to proc on ADC, since they are more focused on last-hitting
Enlarge map, and spend 5 games where overarching goal is to keep track of enemy jungler+mid through laning phase, warding and rotating accordingly

Be aggressive as hell around levels 1/2 if you think you can get away with it; may confuse enemies and inspire own ADC
If you need to jump around to proc Moonstone in grouped chaos, use W on hero icons; VERY useful under certain circumstances
Treat pre-level 11 W as a majorly important CD; getting stuck off an anchor during an early skirmish can be game-losing
If team is overextending and not heeding caution pings, just start backing on your own, and see if they get the message

Weird: consider hopping off and moving around a bit when there's clear downtime in lane, to avoid tilting unstable ADCs for being "afk"
Try to keep track of whether anchor has hourglass/zhonyas; don't get off if you think they are about to use it
Pay closer attention to when enemy ADC is about to last hit; that's usually a safer time to proc passive
If safe, consider helping hit minions after procing passive at level 1; level 2 comes after 6th melee minion

Still having some issues with proper ability buffering and ally hopping during intense skirmishes; make sure you at least always know WHO you are on
Don't get impatient under turret; look for rotation plays when possible, but try to move more intelligently
Reminder: once again, hit by hard CC in lane = death = deserved loss

Be more intentional with warding spots; don't just slam wards for the hell of it; first think about where enemy is most likely to go
If things are falling apart / desperate, don't even bother trying to heal squishy non-carries in chaotic fights; just make sure the carry survives
Try harder to stay oriented and aware of surroundings during skirmishes; choose and commit to Q and R targets properly
Reminder: NEED to not get hit by hard CC in early laning phase; it is very, very bad

Refocus on not missing Q's in lane; while steering it, shaking cursor back and forth slightly seems to help counter enemy jukes
Against Maokai, be very careful of his W (dash) -> Q (shockwave) combo; it comes out fast, and if you get hit by either part, your W goes on CD
Against Varus, avoid healing ADC while they are inside the GW zone from his E (arrow volley), unless absolutely necessary
In mid-game, look harder for reset opportunities when you are out of wards and have some time until next objective

Never get knocked up by dragon, herald, or baron
In loading screen, try making a mental checklist of every enemy ability that will put your W on CD
Be more conservative with pink wards; try not to waste them in indefensible places while laning
Don't try to fire off Q when surrounded by enemy minions; it will just get blocked

Don't underestimate the strength of top laners who have just been farming all game as potential anchors
Refocus on optimizing ward placements, at the very edge of bushes using green dot indicator
Look for chances to hop between allies while ulting / Q'ing; remain aware of best time to E while channeling Q/R
Try to keep moonstone renewer and ardent censer procs in back of mind once owned

Get better at quickly warding across the thick wall into the red side botlane river bush
Try to be consciously aware of key abilities you should be ready to body block, like Ashe W, Cait R, Nidalee spear, etc.
Try not to bait teammates into sketchy situations with low impact Q poke in mid-late game
Be more cautious about upgrading Dark Seal into Mejai's if things are still volatile

Keep better track of cursor and anchor during chaotic teamfights; hold space more if attached to someone "blinky" like Katarina
Basic: be sure you have actually started attaching before buffering E
Be more careful with W cooldowns before level 6; do not attach/detach for no reason; be intentional; default state is attached
Identify the key Exhaust+Ignite target/s ahead of time

Be careful not to run out of mana at critical times by throwing out low impact Q's
Try not to jump off of champions with dashes that might be about to dash
Don't just throw out R to engage with no warning; ping intentions a couple seconds ahead of time
Use the "quick cast with indicator" green highlighted ward option to ward in edges of bushes; try to ward more quickly and usefully

Hope at least some of these are useful to fellow Yuumi fans!

A detailed look into Gamstat data: The Last of Us Part II sold well on its first weekend but it’s been definitely not selling well after that

Alien-nation Chapter 7: Introspection

Ha...sorry, did it again. Posted wrong chapter title.
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I got the rest of the details of the bombing from Vaughn over lunch at our hangout behind the school cafeteria.
The bomb had partially dislodged the pillar from the bridge and gravity had done the rest. The vehicle was designed to do many things, but ‘float’ wasn’t high on the list. Our primitive infrastructure and years of neglect on our bridges had worked against the troops inside. Once they hit the water they were doomed. The purps’ armour was tough enough to stop a .50 calibre bullet, but physics was still physics. Armour tough enough to withstand a bullet or homemade bomb had to be dense, and density had an unfortunate negative correlation with flotation.
The rumours spread fast after lunch. One of the ones was that among the casualties had been a kid at school’s parent- probably their mom or older sibling. I couldn’t tell whether that rumour was actually true or not. That was when I noticed someone had switched chairs in class to sit in front of me. It was a blonde kid- lanky with a head shaped a bit like a 2-nut peanut tilted vertically. He was one of the neighbours I’d grown up with as friends but hadn’t talked to in years. He was sitting in front of me, facing the wrong way around in his chair. The teacher didn’t mind- History class was barely organised anarchy at the best of times. “You didn’t do it, did you?” George asked, staring right at me. There was only one ‘it’ at the tip of everyone’s tongues.
“What? No,” I lied. Vaughn would have been proud.
“A fuckin’ shame,” George said, unexpectedly shifting the tone of the topic- because I had a feeling he didn’t mean the rumour mill about the kid’s possibly-dead relative. For all I knew they were doing that for attention. George wouldn’t have come over here to ask me about that. He-
“It was me,” the words came out of my mouth. Was he referring to the bombing as being sad, or that I didn’t know who did it as being the shame? I met his eyes, and he met mine dead-on. Words seemed to fail me right then and I stammered out “I-I’ll talk with you after school?” Not here.
“Yeah? The old daycare?” A pretty convenient halfway point between our houses back home. I nodded and he jumped up from his chair and took back his normal seat. I checked to see if he talked with anyone. George didn’t look up from his homework once the entire time or make any kind of eye contact with anyone.
The last few minutes of the period eeked out and the class emptied out. One more class to go for the day. I’d probably just put myself squarely in the rumour mill’s crosshairs. But on the off chance I hadn’t… I knew we were dead in the water anyways. Six was a start. We needed resources. We needed manpower. The more I looked at our situation the more I realised that it was doomed to failure without help.
That meant I had to cure myself of peoples’ irrational disdain for me, somehow.
Something went ‘pop’ in my head. I looked upward and asked the obvious: “
I lay down on the slide and looked up at the stars. Some of them were moving- ships overhead.
How does one become likable? All my books were on the subject of war. How does one make peace? Why does one make peace? Why was I fighting at all?
The moment those words crossed my consciousness, I felt like the careful castle I’d built around myself, my personality, all my defenses started to crumble down in the face of truth- what I thought I was doing didn’t match their effects. ‘Master and Emissary,’ dad called it one drunken time at the table before falling asleep in his chair. When you got to a certain point in your observations of what was around you, and you could no longer pretend that your view of the world was correct. I felt that I was on the verge of having an epiphany, or a mental breakdown. Which were basically the same thing. The choice of word depended on your perspective.
The immediate answer blared itself so loudly in my skull I had to mute it just so I could think for another moment. I was ‘Fighting for Justice, for Independence of Earth, for Liberation!’ All ideals, starting in the thought equivalent of capital letters. I muted them.
Fighting for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity, Carlin had once famously said on stage. That sort of made sense. War also needed an eventual outcome. If I was waging a war, then I needed an end goal beyond ‘killing people.’ Why had I settled for killing without a real goal? All this pretense of a higher cause when really, I was just angry. The sun’s set finished, crickets and cicadas starting their orchestra, but still I didn’t tear my eyes off the sky. I didn’t even care if George didn’t show up anymore. I wanted answers. Had I fought just to fight? To have something to lash out at over the way my life was going?
Who was I? What was I? Where was my position in life? It stunk everywhere I walked. The whole world stunk of hypocrisy. If it stinks everywhere you walk, look under your foot.
Just like that, a thought occurred to me that froze everything in its place:
...Am I a bad person?
And like that, the whole world fell away, even the slide I was resting on. It’s hard to say what the exact thoughts were that went through my mind. Words are discrete and used to best-fit thoughts which are so rarely fully a perfect match. When something like this happens, how do you even give a sublime experience enough words, when they are building blocks used mostly used for the mundane? I lay and watched the stars overhead as my mind raced at a million miles an hour. Spaceships. Honest to god Spaceships. How long had it been since I’d been filled with a sense of anything other than hatred and anger? How long since I’d felt genuinely awed by something I’d once thought impossible now carried out as if it were routine and within grasp?
I put my hand up and reached for the stars, and it sank into me just how vast space was. Something I’d once felt flipping through pages of my old NASA book in Dad’s library- realising that for the gigantic scale of a Saturn V rocket, it didn’t even make a tenth of one percent of the distance it travelled to the Moon, our nearest non-artificial solid object in Space. Given the scope and scale, I knew then that there was something wrong with my motives and goals. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
I certainly had room for improvement. The meaning of Dr. Harriet’s words slammed me like a freight train- or a falling Dodge Minivan. My outcomes so far, objectively, were terrible. People flat out didn’t like me. For someone so outcome-obsessive I had missed the terribly obvious. How many years had it been since I’d met or hung out with anyone? I’d become something hideous and hadn’t even seen it. Something about me needed to change. I needed to keep a more open mind to others’ perspectives. I needed to stop assuming I knew everything. I was only thirteen. I was involved in a war for our planet that I was fighting for reasons that even I didn’t fully grasp, but knew whatever justification I’d give if pressed would ring false even in my own ears.
I was finally shaken from my thoughts by the sound of footsteps kicking over ankle height grasses. I sat up from the slide. George was approaching, looking nervous.
“You came,” I said. I realised I sounded surprised.
“You’re here.” He didn’t sound any different to me in his opinion.
“It was us.” I said, sitting up. I walked over to the swingset adjacent to the swing. Fresh chains and a seat had gone on to the old metal frame.
“Who’s ‘us’?”
“Secret.”
“Do you even know?”
“Uh…no, I don’t know everyone in it. It’s sort of cell-based.” French Resistance tactics- no one would know how big the resistance was, not even the people running it. This made sure that even if a leader got nabbed it kept at least some of the movement alive. That was how it was supposed to be. In reality it was just Vaughn and I, but George didn’t need to know that. I wasn’t sure why I was so paranoid of counterintelligence; A seven foot tall masked, curvy woman with dark hair who spoke through a translator was probably not very likely to get far. Still. Principles were principles. I realised belatedly that I’d probably just blown his cooperation, and searched for a better thing to say when he answered me.
“Right, that does make sense. Look, I’ll get my dad-” now that blew my mind. This was a quiet neighbourhood. Hardly the place I suspected to find sympathisers to bomb-laying maniacs. If we had sympathisers here then we could get them anywhere. “-just before I go. You’re not bullshitting?”
It was time to lay my cards on the table. “I built the bombs. I’m actually out of them now and could really use the help.”
“That makes sense. You’re not the type to set off a bomb.” I didn’t feel like correcting him about the fact that I’d tried for the first attempting bombing. Right now if he came back with a Shil’vati platoon I could still be a kid who was lying to impress someone. If I started naming other incidents and that hypothetical happened, then I’d be signing my own death warrant.
“Meet at the town library?” I still needed to return Fighters in the Shadows. “Not exactly great to be meeting in a park at night.”
“Why not my place?”
“You get tagged at home, they just start snagging anyone who shows up. Lots of people use the library.”
“No one normal uses a library.”
I wanted to counter with ‘I use the library!’ It was where I got most of my books. Then I halted and realised I’d be starting an argument over nothing.
“Fine, what do you have in mind?” I challenged George. He looked unsure. I guess I’d made a point.
“Library.” I reiterated. “Eight thirty. Tell your dad. Do you have others?”
“Yeah.”
“Alright. Bring a few, but only the ones you really need to be there. Bring a mask, and tell them to do the same. Don’t be an idiot and wear it on your way over, that would look so suspicious.”
“Okay. See you at eight.”
Dinner was over with hardly a word. I took a breathing mask I used to protect myself from mixing chemical ingredients and slipped out through the basement, making my way away from the Library. I didn’t want to be seen going. I had called Vaughn, using code words. He said he wasn’t coming. I was on my own, and was going to need to ask his questions for him. I know he took a different bus home from school, so him getting over here tonight on short notice was not something we’d prepared for.
I took my cell phone out and turned it off, then doubled-back and made my way to the library.
The ‘library,’ was quite literally a room set inside an old converted barn, filled with bookshelves without so much as an electrical outlet, let alone a PC. It kept track of loans with those olden-style stamps that rotated numbers and an inkpad. Returns and check-outs were entirely honour-system based, something I’d taken advantage of repeatedly to avoid getting on any sort of a list given the books I’d checked out. A volunteer librarian would occasionally keep track of overdues and send reminders. There were two doors, and given that the refurbished old barn was mostly used as a venue, we weren’t likely to get intruded on. I sat in the chair and tried to summon back those thoughts. As disturbing though the thoughts of my own insecurities were, they were less scary than the thought of what might be coming for me if I’d screwed up. I slipped the mask on and tried to control my breathing.
The door opened right as I began to question again why I was doing it all for, and was still short of answers. In strode the broad shoulders of George’s father, Vern, whose bright eyes scanned the room. “Ay,” he said, almost jovially. “I have to admit, I did not expect it to be you of all people.” He even let loose a surprisingly mirthful chuckle.
“Yeah,” I said, realising I also knew who was behind him with a pit in my stomach. This was bad. None of them were wearing masks- so much for that plan. Worse, I knew all of the two people who had come. Both were neighbours. My mouth was a little dry. “I sort of expected more and less at the same time.”
“The Army get the shit kicked out of them and that scared most everyone into just giving up,” Larry said at the one tone of voice the man had- loud.
“Not you though?” I asked.
“Fuck no,” laughed Larry. Larry was the local mechanic who had made a decent living off running a few local outlets. His shoulders rolled a little as he sat back, resting his giant beer belly on his thighs. “I bled too much for this old nation to see it kick the bucket just because some suits say so.” He took a seat opposite me and then leaned forward, examining me.
“I think we should take our cell phones, and turn them off.” We three looked amongst each other, but we did it. “I know I’m young, but I’ve been reading about guerilla warfare for a long time. Electronic warfare is the newest thing- keeping tabs on people. Metadata. That sort of thing. That was when we had a country and constitution protecting our privacy. Whether we think so or not, what was once our human government works for the Shil’vati now. That means whatever tools we used to go after our foreign enemies and terrorists, we are now in the crosshairs of. Heck, the Eggplants shot down all our satellites, yet our cell phones are working again. My bet is they’re routing it through Shil’vati ships. If you think it’s safe to talk with your cell phone on you, or through your cell phone, you’re wrong.”
“Alright, kid,” Larry said, looking annoyed even though I probably had a point. “We didn’t come here to turn off our cell phones like we’re in a movie theatre. Let’s get down to brass tacks?” It both was a double edged sword that everyone knew me. If they were captured, and tortured, I might be rolled over onto. On the other hand, if I backed down now, the movement would die. Time to take another calculated risk.
I took a deep breath. “I blew a bomb on the highway. It didn’t work- the first time. Those vehicles are tough. Then one of my cell members took one of my bombs and blew it on the highway, and now they’ve got casualties. Of our cell members, I’m the bomb maker.”
“‘Cell members’?” He quoted, leaning back.
“We operate on anonymity. If he gets captured, he can only tattle on me and maybe one other person. He doesn’t know you two for example, and you don’t know him. So, if one of you gets captured and talks...”
“Yeah, but you do know him.”
“True, but it will take them time, and hopefully he’ll notice that I disappeared. All it takes is one person to refuse to talk and they’re back at a dead end in rolling up the resistance.” I met their eyes. “That’s why I asked for masks and for only a few members to show up.”
“Yeah well, I changed your diapers when I babysat for you, I think I’d know you in a heartbeat, mask or no.”
I shrugged. “Still a good idea.” I forced myself to not correct or talk-down to a grown-up, but also couldn’t admit to looking foolish here. “But you’re right.”
Verns and Larry exchanged a meaningful glance. “Alright, you’ve got our attention. What’s your bomb composition? How are you making these?”
So I slowly let them in on what I’d been doing, and what the plan was- to keep the Shil’vati from getting to where they were taking their armour off and walking around with impunity. To where they fully integrated with our society.
“That’s good work, kid. You got six through your work. It’s a real start, and shows promise.” Verns said it straightforwardly. “We meet at Lucky’s. I’ll bring you in. You can wear the mask if you want, but I think a few will recognise you anyways.” Luckys was a local tavern.
It seemed agreed upon. “I think we can help each other.”
“Why are you doing this?” Larry asked, at last. “You are the last person I expected to be in that chair.” Verns just nodded along.
“Why isn’t everyone?” I asked- it was a question that rang true in my ears. I had suspicions on the answer- fear. Everyone was afraid of the Shil’vati. “We’re scared, but I don’t think they’d kill us all. When they realised that they didn’t need to, that’s when we let them have our planet, to do whatever they want with us. We need to show the world that they can be hurt, that they’re not invincible. Then we can get our planet back.”
They exchanged another look. “Well, that’s a pretty good answer,” Larry seemed to accept the answer.
“Come by Lucky’s tomorrow after school. We’ve got a few people for you to meet. Bring one of your gadgets.”
“I’m mostly out of material.”
“We’ll get you more, bring what you’ve got. That mask idea’s a good one, but everyone there will recognise you. That much I can guarantee.”
I had a sinking feeling in my gut when he said that and couldn’t quite pin down why.

I watched 42 "so bad its good" movies during 2020, here is my ranking from worst to best.

Hi everyone, instead of watching every best picture winner I decided to torture myself by watching the worst movies the world of film has to offer. Due to the sheer volume of films I'll try to sum up every single one in a paragraph. If anyone has any suggestions send them my way because I enjoy doing this with my friends and for those who want to do something similar I will try to keep my reviews spoiler free but a lot of the time spoilers are the last thing you think of when watching these films.
Just a disclaimer, dont put too much weight on the ratings, towards the top all the films are really really fun to watch it's just based off how I felt at the time of seeing them.
42. Rubber (2010)
Pretentious, boring, and just plain anticlimatic. It's about a rubber tire that can kill people with its mind but also follows a group of people observing it in the desert. It's meta in all the worst ways, super up its own ass, I thought there was a fun idea for a film but they fucked it up hard and the worst part is they knew it. Don't watch this at all.
-67/10
41. Alien Private Eye
Alien Private Eye follows a man who is mentioned as an alien at the start and its hardly ever mentioned ever again. I watched this so long ago and can't remember shit apart from the fact that the 'alien' make up was simply elf ears on the private eye for the whole film. There's a dance battle or something but in reality its quite a boring film, dont waste your time.
0/10
40. Birdemic
This film has 2 funny moments. One where the mild mannered hero somehow secures a deal in a sleepy Floridian town worth 1 billion dollars and his date is not phased and the terrible CGI birds, which I'm sure you've seen. Rest of it is really boring, like not much happens except for most of the cast being murdered by murders of crows. It's sad because the female lead is really trying but the male lead could not give less of a shit. I don't care enough to look up their names but yeah, it was not that good.
0.1/10
39. Manos the Hands of Fate
This film is notorious because one of the cast members is tweaked out on crystal meth during the entire film, and I did not notice until a friend told me about it. It's ok, but again, boring. It's a horror film about a family who crash their car and they take shelter in Manos' residence, then some hellish shenanigans ensue. It wasn't worth it to be honest, a lot of these films at the bottom have funny concepts but half assed executions which is not what you want because there isn't anything entertaining created.
1/10
38. Blood Street
This is one of Leo Fong's Kung Fu films with a man named Cameron Mitchell, an old school Spaghetti Western actor who became an alcoholic and decided to do whatever film script came across his desk as long as it came with a bottle of vodka. This is not Leo Fong's and Cameron Mitchell's best work, even though the story has twists and turns the general cohesive produced just doesn't have a lot to enjoy. The worst thing a film can be is boring and this one, despite the star power, is boring. This isn't Leo Fong's last entry in this list, however.
1.5/10
37. Zoolander 2
Not every film on this list had the budget of a shoebox and the level of effort of me in university. This one had a crazy budget and less effort than me in third year. Zoolander 1 was an iconic film with incredible lines I quote to this day, but Zoolander 2 was a film up its own ass using rehashed jokes and just terrible performances from everyone. All the cameos felt crap, Hansel's storyline was so unfunny it hurts and the whole Derek's son thing stopped becoming funny before they started the joke. It's only higher than the others because Will Ferrell has some good lines and I'm a sucker for him.
1.5/10
36. Bitch Slap
This film stars 3 strippers in what I now realise was a 90 minute tribute to both The Usual Suspects and softcore lesbian porn. When 3 busty ladies drive into the desert with a pimp in the back and tensions are running high, I had hopes for some entertainment but it was one of those films that tried hard to be bad and just came off as awkward. There are many scenes of beautiful women throwing water on their skin tight shirts so if you're into that go ahead. I called the ending and felt proud of that but the rest of it was eh. Lots of violence though and the actor for the pimp at least did a good job. Either that or my standards are in the toilet.
1.7/10
35. Samurai Cop
I watched this one as one of the first crap movies on my list, and it is quite the film I must say. A sped up car chase, a charismatic side kick who did reaction faces before it was a thing, a weird interaction with a Costa Rican waiter (please correct me if I'm wrong), enough sex scenes to make Bitch Slap look like a PSA, Robert Z'dar's crazy big chin, in fact it doesn't deserve to be this low on the list but I watched it twice and it wasn't as entertaining the second time. Watch this film, it's fucking sick, fuck it I'm breaking my own rules here.
7/10
34. Mac and Me
You may remember this film from the clip Paul Rudd uses to fuck with Conan and the McDonalds dance scene. What you dont realise is that that little alien shit has parents and a sister, and they are all fucking terrifying. I have never felt more uncomfortable in a film before than when those beady fucking eyes stared straight into my soul, whilst everyone in the film was supposed to act as if they were cute cuddly creatures that deserved to live and not incinerated. Fucking hell it gave me such anxiety after. If you want a horror film here you go. It's higher than the others in ranking because admittingly it was more entertaining.
1.6/10
33. Hard Ticket to Hawaii
This film has more titties than most of the 80's films on here, which is saying a lot. It's about 2 girls and they're secret agents vs a drug lord. I don't remember too much because I had to fast forward through the titty scenes due to how uncomfortable it was to watch them with my best friend. There was a snake, at one point one of the girls blows up a helicopter, theres a cross dressing man inside it, I really liked it at the time, it's just the other films were better. I would recommmend watching this actually.
3/10
32. Troll 2
THEY'RE EATING HER, AND THEN THEY'RE GOING TO EAT ME. This is the rest of that film. Follows a little kid who is trying to stop his family becoming plants after they go on holiday to a secluded holiday location in Mountain Peaks, CA. I will give credit to this film, it is disgusting, the props, the food they eat, the incredible use of green food colouring truly made me gag at some points. My favourite part was the main villain's actress truly giving it her all in her performance and just completely fucking it up. The subplot of the boyfriends posse just being there to have a good time is the cherry on top to this car crash of a film. I don't wanna spoil most of it but watch this crazy ass film.
4/10
31. Zardoz
Have you ever seen that picture of the Late Sean Connery in a mankini? This is that film, and he doesn't wear anything else. This film was worse than the sum of its parts, it had the main villain who had a penned on mustauche, it had Sean Connery being part of a violent group of raiders being taken to a higher plane, it had the society who was immortal and used aging as punishment, but it was just so dry, and slow, and mind numbing. I want you to watch this film so you can see what I see, and so that you can see the origin of that fateful picture of Sean Connery.
4.1/10
30. Geteven : Road to Revenge
This film was made as a Vanity Project in the early 90s, it involves the Director, Writer and Producer John De Hart being a ass kicking, country singing, one woman loving badass. In fact, the title doesn't even make sense because he has no reason for revenge really for most of the film so the road is really short. There's a musical number in there that goes for a couple minutes, but I think that the rest of the film of john de hart just enjoying his life with his wife is not enjoyable. the ending is pretty mad though.
4.5/10*
29. Chopping Mall
Chopping Mall is one film where the concept is dogshit but the execution was actually really good. The premise is that a group of 3 guys and 3 gals go to a mall after dark and fuck the daylights out of eachother. Unlike what I expected, it was all consensual, they didn't make fun of the nerds for being nerds instead they gave them space, and all the characters were geniunely having a great times. Unfortunately, the mall had new robot guards that were out to murder them all, so ensues a chase across the whole mall where very few of the group get out alive. What got me about this film was the girls weren't damsels in distresses or stone cold characters with daddy issues, they all had a good part to play, which is not expected for a movie made in the 80s. Good on you chopping mall. The robots are like discount Daleks FYI.
5/10
28. Fateful Findings (NB)
Neil Breen. A legend to those who live on the movie set. Seeing this legends work was just a spectacle. This film should not be called a film, and I should not have spent my time watching it but I did anyway. For those of you unfamiliar with Neil Breen, search up "I can't believe you comitted suicide" on youtube, that's a scene from this film. Thank me later. This is one of 5 neil breen films on this list and let me tell you if you're a fan of crap films this is worth the watch. Neil Breen has a sweet ass ferari that he flexes whenever he can, which I respect. The film itself is mindnumbing and not his best work.
5.5/10
27. Amos and Andrew
This film was recommended to me from a friend. It has Nicolas Cage, Samuel L Jackson, and Giancarlo Esposito. The plot is that a famous author (sam jackson) moves to a sleepy hick town and racism causes his life to be entangled with local loser who was paid to be the fall guy and shit gets out of hand. Having actual actors does increse this films standings in my eyes because there are some good lines but in the end it was pretty forgettable. Nice to see the younger versions of these actors though, Giancarlo is wasted in his current typecasted role of evil calculating man.
5.5/10
26. Traxx
Oh Traxx. This and Hard Ticket to Hawaii both have their own theme songs, thats the flavour of film you're working with. Traxx is a country boy who comes into the wild and violent city to settle it down as the rag tag crusader he truly is. This film was funny because in hindsight Traxx is a mass murderer but the smoking hot Mayor doesn't care cus he plays by no rules and damnit he gets results. Traxx also has a montage in the middle where he and his sidekick dance by his riverside camp he calls home. Jesus the more I write the more ridiculous this film sounds.
6/10
25. Miami Connection
What do you get when you cross a karate master, a small budget, a love of guitars and high school, and some kung fu action? You get Miami Connection, a film where a group of orphan highschoolers led by Y K Kim, a 40 year old man, battle ninjas. Seriously, they all live together in the house and the orphan bit is huge. Plus there is actually some kick ass action in this film made my yours truly Y K Kim. I really loved this film and the ending made me cry of laughter. Watch it, I dont want to ruin the surprises in store.
6.4/10
24. Twisted Pair (NB)
Oh boy. This is Neil Breen's most recent film. It involves Neil Breen's character and his brother Cade, who is a hacker of sorts fighting against the powers that control the world. This is basically the plot of every one of his films FYI, and it's amazing every single time. Neil Breen is known for making ridiculous shit films and this is no exception. The CGI he uses together from Windows Movie Maker coupled with half the film being stock footage he voices over makes for a must watch for any bad movie fan. Personally I've never gotten closer to giving up on movies than I have after seeing this.
6.7/10
23. I am Here...now (NB)
This too is a neil breen film, and this is about Neil Breen who is God, and comes to Earth to see how humanity is sinning. There is one guy in this film who actually did act well from my shit standards at this point, and he is a drug dealer much like Chris R for those who have seen the film The Room. I am Here...Now is nothing short of ridiculous, with the film not being about hacking and not being about just Neil Breen's character, you get the true scope of how bad Neil Breen is at making films. There are some hilarious bits in this regarding sex trafficking, drug deals gone wrong, people going from super old to super young through the power of God, truly an enlightening film.
6.75/10
22. Lawnmower Man 2 : Jobe's War
Fuckin hell this film. The first one is higher up in the list, the premise is this guy who was mentally retarded (I don't know how better to put it) was given the power of becoming smarter through computers by Pierce Brosnan, and Lawnmower Man 2 is set in the distant future when Jobe convinces his child friend to set him free on the world. It's lovely to see such a shit concept done so horribly with such a big budget. The CGI is godawful, the acting even worse. It's a sequel to a film that shouldn't have been made in the first place.
6.75/10
After this point I can comfortably say all the films below are fun to watch, it's just my personal preference on ranking.
21. Kill Point
Another Leo Fong flick. Leo Fong is an icon and legend, and in Kill Point he plays an FBI Liutenant going after a notorious gang leader involved in an arms deal played by the Legendary Stack Pierce. This film has it all, action, drama, comradery and shit lighting. Seriously a lot of the action is filmed at night and you can't see properly. This one is so high because of my love for Leo Fong and Stack Pierce mainly, and if you can't tell by now I need better things to do with my time.
7/10
20. Deadly Prey
An elite team of mercenaries train by chasing down the deadly prey of Man, but this time, they fucked with the wrong guy. Mike Danton. My hero, a roided up monster of a soldier who makes the hunters the hunted. This film is just such a rip off of predator and kinda boring sometimes but I really enjoyed it. Even though it isn't higher, it is required watching as you will find out why.
7/10
19. Mystery Men
Starring Ben Stiller and Hank Azaria, Mystery Men is a film about people with mediocre superpowers and how they stop the main villain played by Geoffrey Rush as he tries to destroy the world or some shit. The acting carries this film, with Stiller, Azaria, and Barbosa, its concept is really bad but the actual film is weirdly charming in a way. Fun Fact: this film was the one in the music video for All Star by Smash Mouth. Look it up.
7/10
18. Star Wars Holiday Special
When watching Star Wars did you think to yourself "I need to know what Chewbaccas family do." So did I, and thankfully George Lucas created this absolute monstrosity. A majority of this film is in Wookie and there are no subtitles. Theres a weird infomercial in the middle, and you can see how dead inside Harrison Ford, Mark Hamill and Carrie Fischer are in this. This is frankly a must watch for any star wars fan, and I'm not even a fan and saw it. It's incredible, one of the few on this list where I can't put into words how crazy it is. There's a random animated section for Luke in it that is nightmare fuel. Watch it.
LSD Trip/10
17. Adventures of Power.
This film is like Mystery Men where the concept is ridiculous but the actual film is charming af. It's about Power, a young man from a mining town and his dream to become an Air Drumming champion. Not normal drumming, the more difficult Air Drumming. There is also a B Plot about the mining town being under siege due to no pay or some shit but it's secondary to the compelling Air Drumming competition towards the end. A true thrilling coming of age story, I don't think this is a must see in this list but I did genuinely enjoy it for what it was.
7.2/10
16. Baseketball
Trey Parker and Matt Stone were made famous from this film, about two losers who create a sport that's a mix between Basketball and Baseball. There's nothing clever about it, it's got some good jokes and just a fun rise and fall of two friends blinded by the lights of stardom. It's just quite enjoyable, and Trey Parker and Matt Stone did a great job of playing themselves as the two protagonists of this story. Both this film and Adventures of Power have scary texan oil barons as villains FYI.
7.5/10
15. Double Down (NB)
Oh shit. Neil Breen's first film is a doozy. He plays a hacking mastermind bio terrorist who lives in the desert and polluts rivers with chemical weapons whilst also making us think he is the good guy. You get to see his nutsack in his debut film and it's everything you'd hope for. The ending montage of Neil Breen running around the same desert rocks is something to bring tears of laughter to your eye. Fuckin hell Neil. I've seen this 4 times.
7.7/10
14. Pass Thru (NB)
This is his best work. If you've seen the infamous "isn't that corrupt?" clip on youtube , Pass Thru is the one where it comes from. Funnily enough this is my favourite Neil Breen film and it has the least amount of Breen, involving more hacking, more trafficking and drugs, and in the end the girl who was too high to be repulsed by him runs off with him into the sunset. It had the trademark Breen Stock Footage and shit CGI but it had more terrible acting from other people, rounding out the shit sandwich that is this film.
7.9/10
13. The Skateboard Kid
Have you ever looked at your skateboard and thought "I wish it could talk." Well Skateboard Kid has you covered! This sentient skateboard helps this 90s kid after some wacky circumstances as most 90s films are, eventually helping him run from the government and nearly kill his bullies. The chase scene is very reminiscent of better movies that do the same concept, so watch out for that. God I can't believe I watched this. It was fun though.
8/10
12. Tenet
I don't know why this film is in this list but I said 42 films in the title and you can't edit it. I guess Tenet was ok, I couldn't hear half the shit people said most of the time but all in all a fun film with loads of twists and turns. Robert Pattinson is always beautiful
N/A
**11. Who killed Captain Alex?
UGANDAN ACTION MOVIE WHO KILLED CAPTAIN ALEX? Mate this film is fucking incredible. I loved watching it and I love the fact that their budget was only 60 dollars but they made the most of it. I almost felt bad laughing because the actors truly give it their all and sell the ridiculousness to the level it deserves but the director was ok with it so laugh away. Absolute pure fun as a film, better than some action films I've seen, even though at the end of the film I couldn't actually figure out who killed captian alex. It's incredible.
9/10
10. Order of the Black Eagle
Nazis can fuck off, and discount James Bond with his monkey companion cannot agree more. Part spy film, part western, part vietnam, this film has it fucking all man. So fun to watch, loads of inconsistencies and the monkey plays such a big part I did not expect halfway through. Hitler is being recreated and it's up to our intrepid heroes to take down the Order of the Black Eagle using a fuckton of explosives and bravado. Watch this shit.
9.1/10
9. The Room
Those of you who don't know the room, it's the grandaddy of all these films in terms of popularity. A story about a succesful bank worker and the infidelity of his girlfriend and best friend, it's so dogshit in all the right ways. It was my gateway drug to this shitshow of a thread you are reading right now. Tommy Wiseau can't act to save his life, and the rest of the cast have to pick up the pieces left by this agent of chaos as the film goes on. Absolute masterpiece.
9.2/10
8. Orgazmo
Another film created by the lovely people behind Southpark, finds a mild mannered Mormon who finds himself in porn because he needs to make ends meet. He has a stunt cock, all he needs to do is act the role of Orgazmo, the hero of all these tales. The best part about this is not the incredibly funny jokes but the Villain, Max Orbestein, still being the best villain in this whole list of films. Absolutely great film.
9.4/10
7. Suburban Saquatch
When you think of Sasquatch, do you think of a 5 foot hairy man with giant titties and nipples that nearly cover them? Because suburban sasquatch fulfills that fucked up fantasy you have. It has everything, gore, magic, cops who need to redeem themselves, a reporter who needs one big scoop to make it into the big leagues and a native american woman chasing her destiny. The result? a giant clusterfuck of mania that moves from scene to scene without rhyme or reason. It's beautiful. At one point the sasquatch rips open a poodle like a christmas cracker. Must watch, was crying of laughter.
9.5/10
6. Love on a Leash
A party boy gets punished by a waterfall god for being horrible to women by being turned into a dog. A literal dog. It happens off screen, but it sets the scene for our tale about a young woman who is obsessed with the colour green, and her attempts at finding love in her sleepy town of wherever the fuck USA. Her social circle consists of her toxic mother and even more insane best friend, whilst the dog has to convince this woman to fall in love with her so that he can turn into a human again. I bet you 1000 pounds you wont predict the ending.
9.5/10
5. Low Blow
Leo Fong's Magnum Opus. A story about a Private Eye with a shit care and his attempts to thwart a cult led by a very drunk and out of it Cameron Mitchell. Stack Pierce also stars, remember him? This film is genuinely funny, from the constant soundtrack for the first 40 minutes of the film to the constantly breaking car to the night fight scenes where you cant see a fucking thing. Cameron Mitchell is only seen stood up twice in this film, that's how fucked he was making this. God this film was a trainwreck.
9.6/10
4. Lawnmower Man
Pierce Brosnan stars in the film Lawnmower Man, where he takes a persons lower intelligence and puts it into the stratosphere. Pierce Brosnan is the highest name actor I've seen so far in these films and even he couldn't save this shit show. Jobe's progression from idiot to divine god is just so bad, and the cgi is all sorts of godawful. I can't believe this got greenlit at all, it's such a shit film that it has to go this high. Fucking Lawnmower man. My head hurts thinking about it.
9.9/10
3. Hawkeye
This is by Leo Fong but he doesn't star, instead we have a budget budget discount knock off Rush Hour vibe going on with a main Chinese actor who hates children and an Eddie Murphy lookalike who is actually pretty good. It's a decent buddy cop film with both at each others throats at the start then becoming friends as time goes on. I did enjoy this a lot more than every other film and would consider watching it again, which says a lot.
9.9/10
2. Ben and Arthur
Let's say you're a gay man and you just got married. Wouldn't it be weird if your religious brother becomes a homicidal maniac? That's what happens in the story of Ben and Arthur, a beautiful gay couple who are terrorised by Ben's psycho religious brother. There is too much gold in this film to list, from when Ben's brother Victor murders people like its nothing to Ben setting a church on fire and nobody else mentioning it. I had to pause it sometimes cus I was laughing too hard. Absolute masterpiece of awful.
10/10
1. Deadliest Prey.
This is it. Number one. The sequel to deadly prey, made 16 years later. Absolutely brilliant. It's amazing how this film is a step by step remake of the first film just with the actors being significantly older so they can't do the stunts any more. There is a Ben Wyatt look alike in this so watch out for him. It's incredible, and there are many twists and turns that are exactly the same as the first one that you should be sure to accept. Just the sheer audacity to remake the film shot by shot blew my mind, and this film brought me to tears laughing so it gets the top spot.
1000/10
If you read this far thanks, and dont take the rankings too seriously, after like 30 they're all subjective. Have fun!

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